


Think About Me: Flash Collection

by supershadsy



Series: Think About Me [5]
Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Shorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-11-23 10:33:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 89
Words: 46,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11400777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supershadsy/pseuds/supershadsy
Summary: A compilation of all the flash fics written as supplementary works toThink About Me, originally posted on Tumblr.This will be left as "incomplete" for as long as necessary, and will close as "complete" once I feel I have left the project.





	1. #35

**Author's Note:**

> For those familiar with my flash style, you know the drill: these are all very short, 1st person pieces, with the initial of who wrote them listed at the bottom of the piece. Aerith is designated as "A", while Angeal is listed as "A.H.". I use them to warm up, or to get out random ideas that maybe I'd rather not expand on in the main fic. Since I wrote a _ton_ of these for this fic, a lot of them ended up being springboards for later chapters, and are early ideas for things later down the line. So, some continuity changes here and there versus the main fic--consider these more like drafts. They still offer a lot of character insight, especially regarding the 1sts trio.
> 
> For this round, I'm going to be doing something a little different--all of these are going to be organized in _story chronological order_. I don't know if I'll be able to give exact years, but I will if I can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/4/16.
> 
> In-universe time: 1983.

[“I understand about indescision, but I don’t care if I get behind...”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGRrOEbY3pI)

_He has these jazz records he borrows from the library, and comes over to my place afterschool to use my record player. Usually I let him get through one while I get high, then he’ll let me put on something else.  
_

_He’s good like that._

_He wouldn’t humor me today by taking a hit, but we’re lying on the bed together, right side by side. God, he’s built, you know that? He’s on the wrestling team, he’s so fucking strong. What I wouldn’t give to just...mmn, let him bend me over and just have me. Christ.  
_

_The force of this thought blazes through the haze of my high, and I can feel myself getting up, arching my back and stretching. “Hey,” I say. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I manage to set the blunt on the edge of my dresser. It’ll burn there for a while. I straddle one of his legs. “I wanna do something.”_

_He looks me over, up and down. “What?” he asks. “What are you doing, Gen...”_

_He doesn’t catch my drift, so I lean over him, press my forehead against his. “You’re fucking high, cut it out,” he says, turning his head all the way to the side to avoid my lips. “I thought I told you...”_

_“Told me what?” I can’t help myself, I’m warm from being blazed and warm from being so close to him, c’mon Ange, just kiss me, just once,_

_then again, and again..._

_“Gen,_ no.” _This time, it’s accompanied by a broad hand on my chest, pushing me up. “I’m not into that. I told you.”_

_You did, you have, a lot now, and I keep asking, I keep wanting. I rest my hands on his chest, and he sits up a little bit. I hate the way that he’s looking at me, like...oh I don’t know, like he pities me? It’s that “you’re my best friend, Gen” look, that “I’ll drag your ass to school even if you’re too high to function” look.  
_

_It’s a look that makes me want to say “I love you”, but I’d get the same response,_

_“I’m not into that. I told you.”_

_I’m not high enough for this._

_I reach for the blunt, but he stops me, hand on mine, and makes a point to lift it up and rest it back on my thigh. He smirks a little as he pats it. “You’ve had enough,” he mutters._

_“But I want more,” I whine._

(G.)


	2. #61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 10/26/16

_I’m nervous, I’m nervous as hell. Our tiny school’s jazz ensemble…finally got enough recognition to compete in Midgar._ Midgar! _This place is huge…I don’t know how I’m going to get used to living here when I join SOLDIER. Yeah, that’s what I plan to do, and even that scares me a little bit.  
_

_But you know who’s just as chill as can be? This asshole beside me.  
_

_We’re up next, and he’s got his bass behind his back, arms crossed, and smelling like weed, as usual. “Dude,” I hiss at him, gripping my drumsticks as tight as I can without breaking them. “Did you fucking...did you smoke before this?_ How?” _  
_

_He glances over at me, then snickers. “I packed some brownies,” he whispers. “I’m good. Don’t worry about it.”_

“Genesis!” _I grip him by the shoulders, and he stumbles back, knocking over a stand. A couple people glance over at us, and the shame mixed with anxiety just makes me feel even worse. “Swear to God, if you…if you blow this...”_

_He cocks his head, light brown eyes looking me over. “Relax,” he mutters, and ghosts his hands on my waist. They linger there, then drop as soon as he sees my face relax. “It’s gonna be fine. We just do what we usually do.”_

_I nod. What we usually do. It took a little bit, but now we play really well together. So much that our director doesn’t have any other bassist play with me. No matter how high he is, he never drops time. It’s incredible, really..._

_We’re called out on stage, and he gives me a quick hug. “We’ve got this,” he says, then swings his bass around his front and saunters out.  
_

_The drumkit is already set up--I can’t keep track of everything else that’s going on around us, I can only stare at the heads of my drums. The stage lights are nearly blinding, and hot already. I roll up my sleeves, just as the applause dies down. Our first number doesn’t start with me...but a keyboard solo, backed by bass.  
_

_[And it does...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_OEJ0wqt2g) _

_Deep breaths, Angeal, deep breaths. I find my eyes turning to Gen, and barely, just barely...I can see his hands shake. So even when he’s a little stoned, he’s still nervous too, huh? Somehow, that makes me feel better. But, he still doesn’t skip a note, he doesn’t hesitate. He’s still good at what he does. In fact, as he holds the last note...he glances over.  
_

_And he winks at me.  
_

_The main line kicks in, and so do I, and we fall in rhythm, just like we usually do. It’s flawless, and with the faster tempo, he has more flourish to his fingering. I mimic him, adding more color to the rhythm with cymbals. He’s a jerk, he’s an asshole, that’s for sure, but I can’t say I’m not grateful…_

_I can’t say I regret being friends with him._

(A.H.) _  
_


	3. #66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 1/20/17

_Genesis lives on an estate, complete with a huge apple orchard in the back. And yet whenever I go over there, we always stick around in the same spots. We go right upstairs into his bedroom. And then he starts to smoke.  
_

_And now…_

_He’s lying on top of me, dragging his fingers down my face. Over my cheeks, on my nose, over my lips…then mashing his palms over my entire face. I stopped shoving him away a while ago, he just kept putting his hands back there. There’s a lazy look plastered on his lips...I can at least be glad he’s not trying to get under my shirt. He’s way too high to try and make a move today. After that close encounter, he’s backed way off, sure, but…if he’s inebriated enough…_

_He starts to giggle. “What?” I say._

_“Nothin’,” he mutters, then collapses on my chest. It’s an effort for him to roll over, but he makes it with a little help, still staying close beside me. I know this isn’t how most friendships go. Even with most stoners. No, Gen’s just gay and has no boundaries when he’s high. Which is a lot of the time.  
_

_Jesus…_

_Hard to believe in a couple weeks, we’ll be shipped off to boot camp. For me, SOLDIER was the only thing I really had in mind. My dad was 2nd class, even though I barely knew him. Maybe that’s why Ma was so wary about me going off. But this is the only way to get anywhere, and we don’t have a lot of money…besides, it’d be a shame to let the Buster Sword sit and rust. What else was I going to do? It’d be cool to be a drummer, but…_

_Oh God, he’s fallen asleep. He’s too heavy on my side and starting to snore. For the best, I guess.  
_

_This guy…he’s got everything. This huge mansion, the orchard…and I bet he’s got an inheritance coming his way, too. He doesn’t have to go off to the military. He could live in the lap of luxury without lifting a finger. But, when the recruiters came…he was right there with me. And he signed up too. I asked him why he’d want to, hell, he doesn’t have to come with me, then he said…_

_“why not?”  
_

_and_

_“what if I want to?”_

_Now that he’s completely asleep, I weasel my arm out to rest it over his shoulder. Even with his habits, I’m glad he’s coming with me. It’ll be nice having someone I know around. Especially since over the last couple years, it seems like we do just about everything together…_

_…so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised._

(A.H.)


	4. #68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 2/1/17
> 
> In-universe time: 1987

_Listen, I’ve pissed Angeal off many times in my life. But he seems particularly sour today. It usually means I’ve done something stupid. And yeah, I guess beating up three Turks and pulling my sword on the president counts as “something stupid”. They didn’t lock me up, though. My punishment was early this morning, when that 1st made me run until I was panting and seeing blue, then put me in the dunk tank ‘til I thought I was going to choke.  
_

_Hah._

_Even though that, he wasn’t that far. But now we’re on boring ass patrol, and he’s still hovering like a ghost. He’s barely said two words to me all day. I round the corner to the vending machine and pop in a couple gil. “All right, I give,” I sigh. “What’s buggin’ you?”  
_

_“I hate you,” he mumbles. He’s glaring at me, but it doesn’t mask the exhaustion on his face.  
_

_“Thanks,” I reply. I grab the bag of chips from the bottom and pop them open. I offer him some, but he doesn’t take them. “Wanna elaborate?”_

_He huffs. “You…!” He grits his teeth, then lowers his voice to a hiss. “I can’t_ believe _you did that! Yesterday! With the president--”_

 _“You think I’m gonna let all_ this _slide?” I thrust out my arm. It still aches. So does the back of my neck from when I got knocked out. “They almost killed you, and we still haven’t gotten word back to see what the fuck else they did to us--”_

_“Yeah, well, they could’ve killed you!” His jaw is trembling. “Right there! They don’t care!”  
_

_“I fuckin’ know that.” My voice has dropped as well. Last thing I remember is waking up in the barracks…_

_I was out for blood, but I only wanted the highest I could go. I didn’t know that when I went to get that Turk off me, I was going to throw him across the fucking room. They changed us…_

_There’s fear in Angeal’s eyes, it’s real and it scares even me. Makes me wonder--did I look like that when he finally came to, after I broke him out of the labs?_

_Ange…_

_He shakes his head and looks away. “I_ also _can’t believe that you got a free rec for 1st,” he grumbles. “Point a sword at Rufus Shinra, get a promotion…”_

_Well, there’s another reason. He was just as bitter when I cleared my SOLDIER exam high as a kite. I bite my lip. It was Angeal who always wanted 1st-class. There aren’t many around. They get sent off almost immediately. The buzz around company is that they’re all “lone wolves”, a force all on their own._

_Sent off alone.  
_

_I chuckle in spite of myself and pat him on the shoulder. “I’ll wait for you, don’t worry,” I say. “_ Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return-- _”_

_“Oh, enough already,” he mutters. He looks around the corner, then puts a hand on my back and starts pushing me. “C’mon, let’s keep moving…”_

_I stumble, but keep myself from tripping, and keep myself occupied by eating. There’s a Turk following us. Should’ve expected as much.  
_

_I feel my shoulders slump. Thanks, Angeal. You’re better than I deserve…_

(G.) _  
_


	5. #84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/6/17

_Everywhere we go, I feel like he has his eyes on me, so sneaking up on him when he thinks he’s all alone is fun. It’s hard to do when we’re stationed--he doesn’t like to leave my side. Still, this stoner has to load up somehow, so…_

_He’s in the back of the caravan, in where they store rations. He has his bag of weed on one side, some filter paper on the other. He keeps talking about how one day, he’s going to buy a cigarette maker and roll ‘em like that, so that he can sneak them on base easier. I’m surprised he hasn’t done it already. He rolls one and immediately puts it to his lips, humming._ “I was born the son of a [loveless](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur8ftRFb2Ac) man…” _  
_

_I don’t get to hear him sing that often._

_I lean carefully against the doorway, and he’s so absorbed in what he’s doing, he doesn’t even hear my pauldron click against the side entryway. He yanks a lighter out of his uniform and clicks it a few times, still singing._ “Always spoke my mind, with a gun in my hand…” _It lights, and he brings it to the end of the blunt. He breathes in the smoke, and I hold my breath. Jesus…_

 _He continues rolling blunts, still humming, still taking no notice of me. He can be focused, when he_ wants _to be. He’s always been pretty selfish about anything he wants to do. I don’t think he would’ve kept going to school if I hadn’t dragged him, but it was hard making him do homework when he didn’t like it. He would always drag on charts he didn’t want to play in jazz band. But if it was something that interested him--hoo boy, he’d give it his all. At least, “all” according to his lazy, stoned standards…_

_Here, guns never interested him. Sword-fighting did, though. Protocol doesn’t. Combat does. And for some reason, instead of trying to mold him to everything, they wormed things around to suit him. Bad move, I think--only bolstered his ego, which he really didn’t need. But, then again, they want him for something. Otherwise, that Turk would’ve probably shot him before I went up to fetch him, that time when he turned a sword on the President for…what they did to us.  
_

_I heard him outside the door…he was more concerned for me than anything…_

_His vision jerks up, and he jumps so hard the blunt falls out of his mouth._ “Shit!” _he exclaims, and he holds his head. “Oh, fuck…”  
_

_I smirk. “Sorry. Didn’t want to interrupt.”_

_“Dude, you blew my buzz, now it’s all fucked up…” He blinks hard, then sweeps the blunts he’s made in a pile and stuffs them haphazardly in his belt. “How long’ve you been there?”  
_

_“Long enough,” I reply. “You making enough of those to last you the tour?”_

_“Couple days, maybe.” He grins. “Mako shot my tolerance through the roof...”_

_I roll my eyes. “You shouldn’t push it.”  
_

_He staggers to his feet, and there’s that lazy, stoned swagger I know all too well. And the smirk. “No big deal,” he says, bumping into me as he walks out the door.  
_

_Uh-huh. I know what can get him. “Heard you singing.”_

_He whirls around. “What? No, you didn’t.”  
_

_“Sounds nice.”  
_

_His face contorts. “No, it doesn’t. I sound like a fuckin’ crow with a headcold.” But, he stares at me for a second, like maybe if it’s me saying it, then_ maybe _it’s true.  
_

_Just maybe.  
_

_In the end, he believes himself more, and waves his hand while he turns around. “C’mon, they’re gonna round us up soon…”_

_“Sure, Gen.” I smirk as I follow him…_

(A.H.)


	6. #80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/25/17
> 
> In-universe time: 1989-90

_There are a thousand different rumors that go around about the Midgar-stationed 1st-class SOLDIER Genesis Rhapsodos._

_They say he’s an heir who has more money than he knows what to do with. They say he burned his family mansion down. They say he’s a habitual stoner, that he’s stoned every day on base, and no one does anything about it. They say he can drink anyone in the company under the table. They say if you want some easy weed, all you have to do is give 1st-class Rhapsodos a blowjob, and the bag’s yours. They say he’s threatened President Shinra face to face, with his sword. They say despite how inebriated he is, he’s a menace on the battlefield…_

_Right now, he’s got his sword out in front of me. It tips up a couple times, with a lazy grin on his face. Most of my company is standing behind him, with cuts on their arms and faces. Nothing terrible, but enough to make a mark. Enough to make them scared. “He’s just a stupid stoner” I hear a lot. “He’s nothing.” But, clearly…_

_“C’mon, Cetra,” he says. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”_

_I pivot off one foot and dash off to the side, to his left, to try and get around him. Somehow, he anticipates it, although he counters at an odd angle. It pushes me back. “Not bad,” he says._

_We continue to spar, dueling back and forth. I’m still in my 3rd uniform, but my 2nd test is just around the corner. They keep wanting to push me up in ranks. I keep hearing that the conflict in Wutai is getting worse, and they need more officers. Finally, my talent is being recognized. I will make 1st soon. It is only a matter of time._

_In my musing, he almost gets at my stomach. The blade grazes against my uniform. But I snap back just in time, so there’s no mark. He laughs. “Fuck! You’re not bad, Seph!” He hollers louder, for the rest of the company. “Hey, jackoffs, take notes! This guy’s got it!”  
_

_I grit my teeth. He’s so unprofessional. How did someone like him ever become 1st? Our swords clash, and I’m able to meet his eyes. Behind the mako blue is a fierceness, clear as day, even when his black uniform reeks of weed. It’s accompanied by a smirk, and a raspy chuckle deep in the back of his throat…_

_He out-pressures me, and just as I’m ready to come at him once again, he holds his hand up. I am the only one he hasn’t scratched. “You could use a lighter sword,” he remarks, sheathing his own rapier away. It’s not quite a rapier--the blade is thicker, and it’s bright red. It also appears to be engraved, but I cannot read what it says. “Finally, someone who fights more like me. Not everyone can wield a sword as big and broad as they are, fuckin’…”_

_He trails off, and waves to the rest of the company. “Dismissed! Get outta here, take a break…” As they start to take off, he addresses me. “You’re good.”_

_I raise my chin, even though I have to look down at him. “Of course I am,” I reply._

_“‘Course you are.” It’s a mocking tone. It makes my blood boil. I let off the pressure like steam out my nose. He doesn’t appear to notice my reaction, and continues. “We need to get you some_ real _action, see how you do.”_

_“I am more than ready,” I reply._

_“Yeah?” He nods and brushes his bangs out of his eyes. “I’ll let the higher-ups know.” His head rolls over to one shoulder, to look up at me. “Say, I’ve been thinking. Wanna come over to my place to unwind?”_

_Unwind. I’ve only been to his apartment a couple times. He always wants to smoke. He always does, but I don’t. Maybe…I’ll try it this time. I haven’t been sleeping well lately…perhaps I do need to unwind._

_I nod to him.  
_

_He grins. “I’ll sign you out. Meet me out front at the end of the day.”_

_He pulls a cigarette out from his belt, waves with it, and books ahead of me down the hallway. I don’t know if any of those rumors are true about Genesis…_

_But he is a strange man…_

(S.)


	7. #37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/15/16
> 
> In-universe time: 1990

_“What’d they have you do today?”_

_“Trained some 2nds on that new arena above the plate. You?”_

_“Meetings, fuckin’ meetings.” He groans and knocks his head back against the elevator wall, shaking his head. “Surprised you didn’t get roped into that. Couple of the other 1sts were there.”_

_“What were they talking about?” I ask.  
_

_“President wants to drill in Wutai. Guess negotiations aren’t going so hot, so you know what that means.” He grins, but it’s sour. “We’re going to get put to work.”  
_

_I nod. That’s what we’re here for right? That’s why my friend’s eyes shimmer a deep blue instead of the light brown I knew growing up..._

_The elevator slides open, and we step out into the lobby, the halls bustling with various Shinra personnel. “You’re done for the day, right, Gen?” I ask. “Want to go grab a bite to eat--”_

_Something’s distracted him. Rather, someone. He grins, then cups his hands around his mouth. “2nd-class Cetra!” he shouts.  
_

_It’s in his command voice, one he rarely uses (and never when he’s high, which while is not as often as he used to be, is still a lot). It gathers the attention of the entire lobby for a second, and holds who it was meant for longer.  
_

_Sephiroth cuts across the flow of foot traffic over to us, flicking his hair back. “Genesis,” he says simply. I don’t think he’s ever addressed him as “sir”, or even “1st-class Rhapsodos” ever. He won’t address anyone by their title, and when he’s reprimanded, all they get is an upturned nose and a glare. All hail Sephiroth, huh? My jaw tenses. He’s a bit grating, but..._

_...Gen’s smirking. “What’s up?” he asks. He puts a little distance between me and him. “You done for the day?”  
_

_“Yeah. I’m heading back to get changed,” he says.  
_

_Gen nods. “Hey, wanted to tell you something,” he says. Each sentence edges him closer to him. “I was in a meeting with the higher-ups today. I’ve recommended you for 1st.”  
_

_His eyes widen, but it’s quickly replaced with a smug look. “About time,” he replies. I cross my arms. About time, really? I don’t know anyone who’s climbed Shinra’s ranks as fast as he has._

_“Yeah, I’d expect to hear something from HQ in a week. I’ll head your exam.” He turns toward me. “Unless you want to do it.”_

_I shake my head. “You’ve got it covered.”  
_

_He snickers before he turns back to him. “Hey...” he starts, then beckons him closer. He bends down--Sephiroth is tall, while Gen never really has been--and they start whispering to each other, close. Funny thing is, I don’t they’re doing it to hide anything specifically from me. They just...do this. They talk close, Gen brushes his side, and he doesn’t flinch or turn away.  
He always wanted something like this, didn’t he?_

_I can’t let them whisper here forever. I clear my throat. “Gen, c’mon,” I say. “Let’s go get dinner.”  
_

_He turns back and looks me over, then returns to Sephiroth. “So, later tonight, my place?” he says to him.  
_

_Sephiroth nods. “Sure.”_

_They share a long look before he continues down the hallway, and Gen returns to me. I know the look on his face, because it’s the same look I’ve seen on him after he used to come out of the orchard, buzzed and with another guy behind him trying to zip up his pants. “All right, we can go,” he says, pulling a cigarette out of his belt.  
_

_“Let me guess,” I sigh, heading down the lobby. “You’ve invited him over to get high with you?”  
_

_“Bingo.” He clicks his tongue.  
_

_“I can’t believe you’ve roped someone else into your awful habits.”  
_

_“Seph’s fun to get high with. Plus, he just snagged that corner unit next door to me, so it’s easy.” He chuckles as we get outside, and he lights his cigarette. “Yeah, it’s easy...”_

_Easy, huh? Right. Because I’m not--never was, never will be. I shake my head and smirk at the pavement. Oh, Gen, I know you’re doing more than just getting high with him. I can hear the way his name rolls off your tongue,_

_like a lover’s.  
_

(A.H.)


	8. #94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/22/17

_Being on duty around Wutai hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, believe me. But, today we’ve all decided to take a break. The unit’s having a cookout, and no one’s covered in blood. Always a plus._

_I wander through the base with a coffee in hand. Rude’s at the grill, with fresh meat from a supply drop early this morning. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself, since there was a supply drop earlier. There’s a group of 2nds playing cards under one of the tents. And over in the middle of the sun…_

_…yup, there he is._

_Genesis is standing shirtless with a can beer in his hand, staring out into space. He’s probably blazed out of his mind too. He’s got his uniform pants on, and his belt is just hanging off, suspenders at his side. He takes a long drink of the beer. He bulked up a little bit after BASIC, and especially after mako, but in times like this, he’s still the scrawny stoner I grew up with.  
_

_My gaze shifts to the side, where Sephiroth is also standing by. He’s staring at Genesis with an air of disgust, and it’s palpable, even from this distance. He sips from a plastic cup of water, those piercing eyes just boring right through him. I can only imagine what he’s thinking--”disgusting”, probably. But, he’s still staring.  
_

_It’s telling.  
_

_Gen still hasn’t noticed him or me, so I walk over to him and clap his shoulder. “You’re gonna get a sunburn,” I say.  
_

_He glances at me without moving his head, and takes another swig. I squint at him. “How much have you had?” I ask._

_“This is my first,” he replies, gesturing to the can._

_I roll my eyes. “You_ know _that’s not what I mean.”_

_He only smirks. I don’t know how he keeps this up._

_While I shake my head, I notice that Sephiroth has disappeared. And right on cue… “Yo, where’s Seph?” Gen asks. When he looks around, his bangs get in his face, and I don’t think he can even see. “I swear he was around...”_

_“Why don’t you go find him?” My sentence hangs, and I bite my tongue. Yeah, he’s been hanging around him a hell of a lot, and it’s because he’ll indulge him. With drugs. And sex. And rock ‘n roll. All those things he loves.  
_

_Things I don’t have a lot of, if any at all._

_And yet…_

_He finishes the can of beer by tipping it all the way back, throat moving as he swallows, and tossing it behind him. “Later,” he mutters. “I’m getting hungry.”_

_He looks down, then reaches his thin fingers into my side pockets. “Hey, hey, what are you doing?” I say, shoving his shoulder.  
_

_“Dude, I need a light,” he retorts, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He yanks out a cig and tucks it behind his ear as fast as he can, then jabs me and grabs for me again. “C’mon--”_

_I know his game, and I take a step back, while leaning forward and snatching his cigarette from his ear. “Get your own light,” I reply, pulling out my lighter (in the other pocket, joke’s on him), and standing as tall as I can to light the cigarette.  
_

_“Hey!” he crows, frowning and reaching out, spider hands trying to phase me. I get one drag before he snags it out of my mouth, jamming into his own with a huff. “Asshole._ You _get_ your _own.”  
_

_I laugh, smoke still spilling from my nostrils. Oh, Gen._

(A.H.)


	9. #87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 6/15/17

_I pull my uniform off, just the shirt, and let the dog tags hang on my chest. I light a cigarette. It’s been a month since I’ve been stationed here.  
_

_There’s a lot of blood in the sand. I’ve seen a lot of red. My sword lies on my cot. It’s shiny now, but the cloth beside it is stained dark. When I am out on the field, my mind is sharp. I am calm. The rest of the company looks to me, even as a 2nd, to guide them, to create strategy. But here, in the dim lantern light, when I am alone, I can let it become a haze.  
_

_I wonder how Mother is doing…_

_Genesis enters without knocking or fanfare. “Hey,” he says, then tosses a fresh uniform at me. “Congrats.”_

_I let the cigarette rest between my lips as I hold the uniform tunic in both hands. “What…?” I ask._

_He leans against the door with a flask in his hand. “You’ve been promoted,” he states. “Welcome to 1st-class.”_

_I’m bewildered, but I refuse to show it on my face. That’s it? No fanfare, nothing? Surely there must be more to it. I wonder briefly if he’s fucking with me. “What do you mean?” I ask slowly._

_“Hayes didn’t make it. Bled out. We’re short.” He takes a drink. “They’ll put you through all the bullshit when we get back to make it, y’know, ‘official.” He makes air quotes with his fingers.  
_

_He’s just as nonchalant as this entire situation, and I scowl. “That’s it? Tch.”  
_

_“This is war, man.” He drawls the last two syllables with a bitter grin. “You know there aren’t any rules. Shinra wants to make a move, and you’ve got the best potential…”_

_That’s more like it. I refold the new uniform and sit up taller. “Anything else I should know?” I ask._

_“You can come on over to the 1sts barracks. Got a spot all laid out for you.”_

_He winks at me, and I frown. “Like I would want to sleep next to you,” I huff.  
_

_His look sours, but not by much, because he knows better. I’ve been to his place. We’ve done…_ things _together. I’ve woken up in his bed, smelling like weed. It’s been some time, though. Too much going on.  
_

_At any rate, he reaches into his pocket. “You’re gonna get a mako boost whenever they send us home,” he says. I see a vial peek out of his pocket. “But if you want it early--”_

_A voice shouts outside._ “Don’t take it!” _  
_

_It sounds a lot like Angeal, and it’s confirmed when Genesis winces, shaking his head._ “Fuck’s _sake,” he grumbles, then rolls his eyes. “‘Kay, never mind. You’re still gonna need to be briefed, though, so come on up when you’re ready.”  
_

_His eyes wander down my chest before he leaves, flask to his mouth. I hear him throw it, and I swear it shatters on whatever he chucked it against. “Fuck!” he curses, to no one. Or, maybe Angeal, if he’s out there…_

_So, I’m 1st-class. It’s about time.  
_

(S.)


	10. #42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/1/16

_Ugh, what the fuck am I even sleeping on...I’ve got an awful knot in my neck..._

_I twist it, only to get a face full of hair. I freeze. That’s right.  
_

_We just got back from our tour in Wutai. What a shitshow that was. So much blood on the battlefield, so many sleepless nights. I didn’t bring enough weed. Granted, there’s only so much I can sneak on before a Turk sniffs me out--_ literally, _in some cases. Bastards are no fun.  
_

_I don’t think the three of us slept for three days, we were kept up for the last of it. Mako makes it easy, but the exhaustion is still there. In the end, they just followed me into my place--my door’s the first one, and I guess we all collapsed on and around my beanbag chair. If I squint, I can spot our armor in a heap by the couch, but otherwise we barely got out of uniform.  
_

_And now..._

_I’m in between the two of them.  
_

_Angeal’s nearly spooning me, I don’t know if he realizes it or not. Hasn’t done any of that shit since we were in high school, and even then, that was few and far between. Don’t get too close to the strung-out rich kid, or else he’ll just want more, and more, and more, he’ll just try and fuck you again, huh? Huh..._

_My bitterness dissipates as his arm curls around me. Yeah, never mind that.  
_

_In front of me is Sephiroth, the great and powerful. Jesus, would you ever imagine someone climbing SOLDIER’s ranks in less than a year? Angeal and I might’ve been young when we made it, but he was definitely the fastest. I was put in charge of him, until he decided he didn’t need it. Usually when that happens, they go off on their own, but he decided to hang around me. Why? Beats me.  
_

_My fingers are close enough to brush against his hair. Silver’s an odd color, but it’s smooth as silk and it’s good to touch. I casually remind myself that I’ve put my dick in his mouth. Now_ that’s _a pleasant thought. I hit the jackpot with him..._

_The sun is just starting to rise, just barely, and I close my eyes to ignore it. When you’ve been pumped full of drugs to become a monster, more powerful than any human being could dream of, you have to appreciate the little things. I’m better at it after a couple hits, but this will do. Sandwiched between these two..._

_This won’t ever happen again, I know it. So, I’ll pretend to sleep, just a little bit longer..._

(G.)


	11. #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 3/18/16
> 
> In-universe date: 1996

_Friday means payday, which means her and I go out to this little soda shop about three blocks from base and get fries and shakes. I get a black and white, she gets strawberry. She always drinks it the same way--hands settled on her chin, holding the straw just between her lips. Extra whipped cream for her. She’s adorable, and I can’t stop staring._

_She catches me, of course, and the straw pops out of her mouth. “Hey, babe,” she says._

_“Hm?”_

_She leans forward a little, one hand reaching out for mine, the other still holding her chin. “What’s it like to be happy?” she asks._

_“Huh?” Well,_ that _has some depressing undertones to it. Is something wrong? The look on her face doesn’t show it--in fact, she giggles at my confusion.  
“What’s that supposed to mean...?”_

_“Nothing,” she says, taking another sip. A bit of whipped cream lingers on corner of her lip, and I want to kiss it off. Instead, I settle for rubbing the inside of her palm with my thumb. “It means that I’m happy now. Because of you.” She reaches forward and pokes my nose._

_“Oh--!” Jeez, she caught me off guard. I sit back in the booth, arm around the back, trying to search for a place to look, but this amuses her even more. “Even though we’re poor?”_

_“Mmhmm.”_

_“Even if I’m just a country boy?”_

_She sticks her tongue out. “Well, maybe a country boy is just what I needed.” She winks at me and squeezes my hand. She always tells everyone that I swept her off her feet but..._

_...some days, it feels like it’s the other way around.  
_

(Z.)


	12. #38 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/17/16

_“Mmn, sweetie...”_

_“Yeah? Hey...where’re you going, darlin’?”  
_

_“Ooh, trying to woo me in with that Gongaga accent, are you?”_

_“Babe...”_

_“I’m getting the camera. You’re going to be gone for a week, aren’t you?”  
_

_I sigh. “Yeah.”  
_

_“So...” She bends over the side of the bed and grabs the Polaroid, perching right above her chest. “Some mementos for your trip?”  
_

_I grin and pull her closer. “Sure...”  
_

* * *

 

_We kiss, kiss, and kiss, long and slow. She’s so soft under my touch, it drives me crazy. I’m getting shipped off tomorrow morning, so this is the last chance we have to make it count. The camera’s been abandoned beside us, I know because she runs her hands back through my hair, down over my bare back and through to my hips. It sends shivers down my spine, God..._

_Suddenly, she pushes me back on the bed, so I’m flat on my back, and grabs the camera. “What’s this?” I ask, lacing my hands behind my head.  
_

_“Ooh, that’s good.” She adjusts herself so she can run the camera with one hand while the other’s right on my dick, stroking it slowly. “Give me a big smile...”_

_I do, it’s hard not to. The flash goes off, the picture whirs forward, and she pulls it out immediately, fanning it before placing it carefully on the dresser. She continues to stroke me--mn, slow, thumb over the tip, damn that feels nice--and while I’m not quite paying attention, she takes another one._ “Ah...” _I sigh, idly running my hand over my chest. “We’re going to fill up that shoebox at this rate...”_

_“So?” She giggles and places the new picture by the first, just beginning to develop. “That’s good, right? More material...”_

_She bends over to make out with me again, tongue against mine. I touch her, across her shoulders, down through to her chest, and she moans when I touch her nipple. I wanna hear more of that...so, I break the kiss and skate my mouth down to her chest and suck on it._ “Ah...haaah...” _she whines. Does that feel good, babe? Mmn..._

_I’m going to need to get a picture of her, too. A few, so I won’t get too lonely on the job..._

_After she feels hard under my tongue, I let her go and grab the camera myself. First picture is just as she is, hair splayed over her shoulders, smug as she’s still jerking me off, now picking up the pace._ Click! _I hope I didn’t shake too much on that one. “Here, I want one like you did of me,” I say, scooting up.  
_

_“A nice pinup, huh?” she chuckles, letting me go and taking my place against the sheets. Automatically, she wraps an arm just under her chest, the other hand snaked up through her hair, and gives me a coy look with those emerald eyes. “How’s this?”  
_

_I sit up on my knees. “Perfect.” I can get just about all of her into view before I click the shutter. I set the picture aside, then adjust the camera with one hand. “Now, let’s try something else...”_

_I skate a hand between her closed thighs, and they open for me, hot on the insides. Gingerly, I stroke the lips of her center, and she shudders._ “Mn, _babe...” she murmurs, her coy posture starting to wane.  
_

_I grin and slip two fingers inside of her, and push. She sighs immediately, one hand going to her mouth as she closes her eyes. I fumble with the camera, even though my heart’s pounding and it’s hard to steady the view finder. We’ve been together long enough so that I know that I can’t make her come like this, but..._

_...she does enjoy a little push and shove, and she likes it deep.  
_

_I finger her deep again, and time the click of the camera shutter to her moans..._

(Z.) _  
_


	13. #18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/7/16

_Knock on the door. I’m awake, so I go and answer it. He’s at the door with his bass in hand. “Can’t sleep,” he says. He’s sober, and so I let him in.  
_

_Out of the three of us, he’s the one that gets the most anxious when one of us is away on duty. Not that he really shows it, but every time we’re called out, he’s the one who always asks “do you need a shadow”? He’s always the one who shows up the next morning looking like he didn’t sleep. We’re SOLDIER, we’re powerful, we’re practically gods, so what is there to worry about?_

_Anyway..._

_I turn on a lamp and he immediately gravitates to my amp in the corner. Turns it on, plugs in his bass with a cable lying next to it, and fingers the top string a few times. “You gonna join?” he asks._

_I guess. My guitar’s leaning up next to it, and I sit across from him on the floor, doing the same. “Angeal’s out, isn’t he?” I ask.  
_

_[He nods, and begins playing a fingered riff toward the higher strings.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuKqPuOJtOM) “Yup,” he says. “I think more monsters got out. He took his 2nd with him.”_

_“So, what are you worried about?” I reply, watching him play. He doesn’t even watch his own fingers, even when he speaks, just looking off into space.  
_

_Yet, he shrugs. “Dunno. Old habits die hard, I guess.” As he settled into a repetition of the riff he’s playing, I join him. I know this song well enough to follow. And anyway, it’s one of the few that he doesn’t play with the rest of the group. He tends to only play it with me. It gives it a different feel than the original.  
_

_The verse comes up, and he surprises me by singing:_

“Why should my fun have to end? For me, it’s only the beginning.  
I see my friends begin to age, a short countdown to their end...” 

_His voice is flat, not in key but in sound, but it holds a tune well enough. I understand why he never wants to sing solo with the group, but I don’t get why he will in front of me. I strum the chords as he twists his hands over the fretboard in rhythm, and pick up the harmony when the chorus arrives:_

“Call me irresponsible, call me habitual.  
But, when you think of me, do you fill your head with schemes?  
Better think again, ‘cause no one knows...” 

_The song hangs on the chord, and he looks directly at me. The lamp glints in his dark blue eyes, blue only from mako, and the intensity is palpable.  
_

_Gen..._

(S.)


	14. #9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/16/16

_If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that sex isn’t some magical, mystical thing. It_ can _be, sure, but most of the time, it’s just like anything else you do._

_Still, each time is different enough to be memorable.  
_

_For instance, usually I can’t get him to stop talking when we make love--it really doesn’t bother me; he’s cute and a chatterbox and he keeps smiling, so it’s nothing. But this morning, there was nothing but our sighs and moans between us, such fluid motion in the sleepy haze. It’s amazing how much you can feel when you’re totally relaxed, when you’re not even trying. He shivered when I touched him. I can almost still hear him panting in my ear, right before he fell over the edge._

_Anyway, he’s lying on his side,_ trying _to get up. Trying is the key word here, and I stare at his back as he wriggles around. I always forget how much canvas there is--he’s tall, and that helps, but the shape is long and slender, with hills where his shoulder blades and muscles are, covered by skin. I can play connect the dots with the moles on his back, I can trace the tan line right along the base of his neck when I lift up his hair. But for now, I watch, and he finally, finally lifts himself off the bed, and I get a nice look at his ass before he turns around. Men don’t have great asses, but his is mighty fine._

_He looks at me, a little dazed, and kisses the air. “Shower?” he says. There’s a laziness draped over his features, his face still showing a hint of a flush.  
_

_I nod, and when I sit up, vertigo hits me, and now I’m the one who’s dizzy..._

(A.)


	15. #51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/23/16

_11 PM. It’s early, early still, but I’m fucking blazed..._

_And on his lap. He’s gripping my hips while we kiss, trying to figure out how our mouths are supposed to fit together. He reaches for me with his tongue, but loses track halfway through. I’m always amused by him high--he doesn’t have the hold on it like I do. I don’t think anyone does, unless they’ve been smoking for half their lives like me. And we’re not getting any younger..._

_Mm, he tastes good...anyone’ll taste good with this buzz..._

_I snake my fingers through his long hair. It’s so fucking smooth and sleek. How much damn conditioner does he use on it? It slips right through my fingers, feels good, feels great. Some nights, he’ll let me braid it. Some nights, he’ll let me grab at it while we fuck. Never when we’re sober, though.  
_

_My hips grind against him, and he moans. So tightly controlled, all the time, but like this, he doesn’t have that iron grip, so I get to see a little more. I get to hear a little more..._

_...Ugh, but I hear something else. It’s his pager, over on my chest. Why the fuck did he even bring it with him? “Fuck,” I mutter in his mouth. “Don’t answer that.”_

_“But...” He pushes me away with one hand--judging by the furrow in his brow, he has to think very hard about what is coming out of his mouth. “I...have...to.”  
_

_That took a lot more effort than it needed to. “Dude.”  
_

_He taps into that SOLDIER strength of his, the strength we all have, and lifts me up with one arm, only to roll me on the floor while he stumbles to the chest. He squints to try and read the screen--it’s hard to see anything in the red light, let alone when you’re high. He presses a couple buttons, then lets it play. The speaker’s on..._

“Hey, Seph. I could use a shadow tonight. I’ve got...a bad feeling. Maybe it’s nothing, but...” _It’s Angeal, I know his voice instantly._ “Well, if you’re free, just send me something back. Gen’s probably high right now--” _He sighs very heavily, he knows me so well._ “--but thought I’d get at you first. All right.”

_The message ends, and he rests his head against the chest, knocking it a couple times. “Fuck...fuck...” He inhales deep through his nose, then jerks his head up. “All right.”_

_I crawl over behind him, drape myself over his back, and pick up the pager. “Don’t, man,” I murmur, right in his ear, before I click it. “Yoooo, Angeal. Seph’s out for the count. I’ll come back you.”_

_“What?” Seph says as soon as I drop the pager. “He...called for...me...”_

_“Yeah, but you’re fuckin’ baked, dude.” I stretch enough to crack my back.  
_

_“So are you...asshole...”_

_“Yeah, but I have...experience.” I arch my back and wink at him. He only scowls at me. There’s the tiger. “Wouldn’t want to...tarnish your reputation by botching a mission because you’re stoned.”_

_After all, that’s my job. I don’t have a reputation to ruin. Sure, I’m 1st, but I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about me in that damn fucking place. I’m their little murder machine, I’ll do whatever the hell I want. But, the great war hero, the prince of darkness here...silver haired and sleek..._

_Ah..._

_Fuck, enough about that. The pager beeps again. He answers it and holds it up to me._ “Son of a bitch,” _Angeal says through the crackly speaker. His resignation is palpable._ “I’ll see you in ten.” _  
_

_Ten minutes is not a lot of time, but manageable. It’s enough time to get one more taste of those lips before I go..._

(G.)


	16. #25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/27/16

_Fuck this, fuck this, fuck this.  
_

_Every time I think I’m over him, over every single shitty thing I’ve ever done to him, it all just keeps coming back. We should cycle[that song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEIEFdNg7ZA) out of our rotation, but it sounds so good_

_but it hurts every fucking time._

_I need a fucking drink._

_I grab the whiskey out from the kitchen, nah, I want something a little more bitter, vodka it is, straight up. I take a sip straight from the bottle to get myself started and it burns going down, but who gives a shit. Who gives a shit! I trudge back into my chest, pull out my bowl and a bag of weed--_

_“Hey.”_

_Ah, shit, what are you_ doing _here? He let himself in, didn’t even knock. “Wait...wait just a sec,” he says, in that rolling, deep voice._

_I stand up and stagger back, all of my supplies in my arms, shaking my head. “No! No, no I won’t, just get out of here--”_

_He pulls the bottle, and the bag, and the bowl out of my arms, and I just let him, of course I let him! Of fucking course--_

_And then he pulls me, with his huge, strong arms, into a hug..._

_I struggle against it, but it’s too much, it’s all too much, so I just give in. Christ, Angeal, why do you put up with me? Why do you put up with my bullshit? I was a monster when you met me, and I’m even more of a monster now, with death and mako riding side by side in my veins fostering a god in this disgusting body..._

_I inhale the smell of him in his shirt. I want it to be comforting, but it’s pain in my chest. He does so much for me, but I always want more. I’m so greedy, greedy, I can never be satisfied. Never.  
_

_Never._

_I can hear his heartbeat, steady. He’s the only thing that’s been steady. I sigh, and my breath shakes._

_“You’re not all right,” he mutters._

_“What’s fucking new,” I choke out._

_I feel him shake his head, and he runs a hand over my hair. “I’m staying with you tonight,” he says.  
_

_Like...like that’ll make anything any better..._

_And yet I squeeze my eyes shut, and I nod...  
_

(G.)


	17. #52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/30/16
> 
> In-universe time: May 1997

_Guess who got paid? Guess who’s taking his beautiful girlfriend out to a fancy dinner? That’s right, it’s yours truly. She protested a bit first, saying “but we have rent due, it’s almost your whole paycheck”. See, but that’s the key word. “Almost.” I gave her enough kisses and persuaded her to come out with me. She’s all dolled up, in a pretty little pink dress, some light makeup..._

_She’s glowing..._

_We’ve been living off scraps the last couple days, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how exhausted she looks because of it. Here I promised her something better than living in a church basement, and we’re still scraping by. But, tonight’s our night, and I’m going to treat my baby right._

_As the waiter leads us to our seats, though, I see that we’re not the only ones going out. Angeal and Genesis are seated in a booth on the far side, and I stray away from her hand to go over to them. “Guys!” I exclaim.  
_

_Genesis has a glass of wine in his hand, and is lazily swirling the red in the glass. Angeal, on the other side, looks very surprised to see me. “Zack...!” he says. “This is a coincidence.”  
_

_“Just takin’ my girl out tonight,” I say, puffing out my chest. Aerith has wandered behind me, and we’ve left our waiter in the dust. “You’ve met Aerith, right?”_

_“I think so,” he says, and gives her a nod.  
_

_“Hey!” she says.  
_

_She waves to both of them, and Genesis only nods. I don’t know too much about him yet. He doesn’t seem to be saying much, only drinking his wine and keeping most of his attention on Angeal. “You don’t want to know about him,” Angeal has always told me, with the same sort of sigh. “I’ve known him for almost fifteen years, and I think I know too much.” Makes me wonder what kind of guy he is..._

_Angeal chuckles. “This guy decided to take me out for my birthday,” he says, pointing to Genesis._

_“Oh, happy birthday!” Aerith chimes in. I already wished him that earlier today, back on base. I treated him for lunch out, even. Pay day and all. “How old are you?”_

_He sighs. “29,” he replies. “I’m getting old...”_

_“Aw, you’re not that old,” I say, patting him on the shoulder.  
_

_“You’re still older than me,” Genesis says with a smirk and another sip of wine._

_“Uh-huh, by what, six months?” Angeal laughs despite this, then glances behind us. “You two should go enjoy dinner, I think you’re making your waiter wait...”_

_Well, the waiter’s been pretty patient, waiting for us with an armful of menus, and Aerith tugs on my arm. “C’mon, let’s go, baby. It’s_ our _night, remember?”_

_She kisses me on the cheek, and Angeal smirks, waving us on ahead. Yeah, it is our night, isn’t it? I wrap my arm around her waist and squeeze her before we get to our table..._

(Z.)


	18. #53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/30/16
> 
> This is a "part 2" of the previous flash.

_It’s gotten late, and he seems a little tipsy. I only saw him drink two glasses of wine at dinner, but it’s very likely he pregamed before we went out. He fumbles with the keys to the building, and I help him open the door. “So, I think…I think the stage play…really did a great job, but it’s a...fuckin’ shame they only did acts II and III.”_

_“I know.” I call the elevator and adjust my denim jacket over my shoulders. Sometimes, I wonder what our lives would be like if we didn’t do that unit on the poem our junior year. We only spent two weeks on that book, and he was just...fucking enthralled. I haven’t stopped hearing about it since.  
_

_“Think about...think about how much the story would’ve gone on if they had gotten to act V,” he says as we walk in. As soon as we get into the elevator, he leans on me. “Like...how would they have interpreted the last verse? Or even filled in the lost verse, every publication does it differently...everyone has a different way of seeing it...”_

_“Mmm.” My head’s starting to throb, and he’s starting to stroke my arm outside my jacket. Wonder if Sephiroth’s around tonight, if he’ll just drag his tipsy ass over there. The doors open on his floor, and we step out, except now he’s clinging to me._

“To become...the dew that quenches the land,” _he recites, stumbling as we make our way to his door. “_ To spare the sands...the seas, the skies...I offer thee--”

“--this silent sacrifice,” _I finish for him.  
_

_He snickers, and I hold him up by his shoulders in front of me. He’s got that lazy smirk on his face...but it’s different than the one I usually see when he’s high. I mean, he’s almost drunk, is that any better? But still, it’s different. You’re a mess, Gen. But, you’re still my friend.  
_

_“Thanks for taking me out, man,” I say. I hug him against my chest, and he clings there, inhaling deep. “What’ve you got planned for the rest of the night?”_

_“Same thing I do every night,” he says. “See if Seph’s home...get a little high.”_

_I snort. “That’s an understatement,” I reply, turning around. “Night, Gen--”_

_Ah, but before I can start walking to the stairwell, he tugs on my jacket. You haven’t done_ this _in a while. Not since you started hanging out with Sephiroth regularly, in fact. So, you still feel the same, huh?  
_

_You haven’t changed too much, Gen. Give an inch, take a mile. That’s how you’ve always been._

_“Gen,” I mutter._

_He lets me go._

(A.H.)


	19. #45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/11/16

_I manage to slip into Shinra without making a fuss--he told me to come in the back way, which was surprisingly easy enough to find. There weren’t even any guards there, just a heap of cigarette butts. I creep into the basement lobby, and Angeal is there waiting for me. It has to be him--I’ve seen glimpses of him on occasion, but he’s exactly how Zack described him. Stocky, bulky, hair around his face--”me if I were someone’s dad”, he said.  
_

_He gives me a thin smile and immediately straightens up as soon as he sees me. “Aerith?” he says. “Good to see you. I’m glad you came.”_

_“Yeah, anytime.” There’s a hum of anxiety around him, and I could hear it in his voice when he called me earlier. Zack must have gave him our number. I knew he went in for his 1st class exam today--means he passed, and now he’s getting his...booster shot, is what he called it. “Could you...run me through what you said again?” I ask._

_“Sure,” he mutters. “So, Zack’s getting his mako booster right now, and he’s going to be...a little queasy coming out. I just want you to take him home, make sure he rests and everything. Should be fine by tomorrow.” He sighs and leans against the wall, arms crossed. “He’s pretty hardy with this, and can usually walk out...”_

_I nod slowly. “What...is mako, anyway?”_

_His eyes, dark blue, are sharp on me. “It’s a synthetic drug that was developed in the 60′s. They started using it in insignificant doses in vaccines, but the effect was still noticeable. Trace amounts of mako are considered normal in the average civilian now a days.”  
_

_He trails off. I didn’t even know that mako was used outside of the military. And outside of the junkies that huddle in Sector 2. With their glowing eyes and gaunt faces, veins running green through their pale skin. I’m sure whatever Shinra uses is top quality, but..._

_...I’m uneasy. I feel like there’s more to it. And he didn’t actually tell me what it_ was. _Or what it actually does._

_But, I’m hesitant to press, given the haunted look on his face.  
_

_The door opens, and Zack emerges. He looks...okay, I guess, but there’s a glow in his eyes, and his gait is unsteady. Still, Angeal sighs with relief and goes up to him immediately. “Hey, there you are,” he says. “Your girlfriend’s going to take you home, all right? Take it easy for the rest of the day.”_

_His reaction is slow and dazed. “Yeah...sure...” he mumbles. His head turns to me, and there’s recognition there, but it’s like a puppet, going through the motions. “Aerith...h-hey, baby...”_

_I swallow and straighten my shoulders before walking up to him and taking his hand. Angeal and I exchange a look. This is what they do to SOLDIER, huh? “Let’s go home, sunflower,” I tell him.  
_

_I hate the way my voice shakes._

(A.)


	20. #6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/10/16

_[I don’t think I can feel my feet.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AjsdpVZp38) I don’t think I even have feet.  
_

_His apartment’s clouded with smoke, even though we have the windows open. I think this is laced with something else, because I’ve only had a couple hits and I’m already flying. Or maybe I’ve just lost track.  
_

_There’s...music playing. I can see it. The colors spin in front of my eyes and it’s just a haze, it’s a wash. When I close my eyes, I lose track of where I’m sitting, so I have to keep them open.  
_

_Where is he...oh. Right here beside me. The lights are low but I can see the glint of his eyes as he passes the bowl back to me. They glow blue. Christ, I don’t think I can take another hit, so I just set it down. The smoke filters through his nostrils and joins the rest of the cloud in the air. “Seph,” he mutters. “Do you...do you think...we were chosen?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Like...chosen. We’re...powerful. We could be gods. We could be...like the ancients, guardians of the earth.”_

_I nod, pushing a hand through my hair to make sure it stays on my neck. “Yeah,” I say.  
_

_“Maybe...” His voice fades in and out, melding in with the colors of the music. “We...lost our wings. ‘The wandering soul knows no rest’...”_

_“Fuck.” The curse drips off my lips, and I can nearly chew the consonants in my teeth. “LOVELESS again...?”_

_“’There is no hate, only joy,’“ he continues, lazily turning toward me. “‘For you are beloved by the goddess.’“ His lips part as he tries to keep focus on me, twitching. It’s incredible that he can say all this, when it’s hard for me to string more than three words together._

_He sweeps his bangs out of his face with his hand, then does the same to my own. “’Hero of the dawn, healer of worlds,’” he whispers.  
_

_I stare at him for hours. It feels like hours. The music keeps playing._

_I kiss him. He doesn’t resist, and I watch outside myself as time slows to a crawl..._

(S.)


	21. #10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/17/16
> 
> While not outright NSFW, there are suggestive themes. Reader discretion advised.

_[He sits on my lap as he takes another hit.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chaYm2TqfHM) He holds it in, holds it in, and then blows it off to the side, not quite in front of my face. He did that once. I think I hit him, or something. Times like these are hard to remember when you’re flying._

_Flying..._

_He sets the bowl down and hovers over me, our noses touching. “Why don’t we do this when we’re sober?” I ask. It sounds like someone else asking, because I don’t know if I really care. Obviously, some part of me does, but..._

_He chuckles. “It feels better this way,” he says, and kisses me. It’s long, and slow, the way his lips part, the way he tugs on my bottom lip before he drags it away. “I’ve never kissed anyone sober.”_

_Another. “Is that right?” Another. And another.  
_

_My hands go around his back. I try to take off his thin t-shirt, but my fingers don’t want to cooperate. He compensates by running a hand down my bare chest, using the tips of his fingers, the hand that’s calloused from his bass. The music that’s playing is a wash of noise, and my throat plays the same notes that live in the back of the melody.  
_

_“Ah...” He’s starting to kiss my neck, grinding enough against my crotch for me to notice. Maybe he was already doing it before. It’s...really hard to focus on anything..._

_I feel warm, though..._

_“I’ll be your shadow,” he murmurs against my neck, stroking the back of it near the edge of my shoulders. “No matter where the winds may blow..._

_...my friend, your desire...”_

_I can feel the LOVELESS bubbling in his throat, but he stops, and enough time passes for me to open my eyes and look at him.  
_

_There’s a sly look in his eyes, and now I realize that his hand is down my pants..._

(S.)


	22. #12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/24/16

_Christ, I can hear their music from upstairs. I know what they’re up to. Getting high and fucking, probably. They never talk about their “relationship”. Gen mentions him to me, in the sort of way that a lover would, but otherwise...they keep it quiet. Whatever’s best for them.  
_

_Sometimes, I wonder what it would’ve been like if him and I ever went anywhere. We’ve been friends since we were kids, and since we got put together as a rhythm section, we’ve been almost inseparable. I was the one who bailed him out of trouble when he was too high to function. He always had my back if I needed anything that cost money. I still consider him my best friend.  
_

_We did try, once. It was fun, but...ah, I couldn’t really give him what he wanted. That intensity, I just couldn’t match it. I don’t know if I could ever match it with anyone. I’m just not one for love._

_I still can’t say I wasn’t a little jealous when he took Seph under his wing. He made 1st before I did, so he could have a protege. I saw them hang around all the time, on base and off base. I was there most of the time, of course, but I could see his eyes light up every time he talked to him. I wonder if Seph had any real friends before us._

_When Shinra took him for those few days, Gen was so distraught. He might’ve killed someone if anything happened to him. Luckily he didn’t, so he just watched him until he made it closer to our ranks. After all that happened, when I met Zack, I made sure to keep an eye on him at all times. A kid like him doesn’t need to go through the bullshit we all went through._

_Speaking of Zack..._

_It’s amusing to see history repeat itself._

(A.H.)


	23. #13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/24/16
> 
> In-universe time: Summer 1997 (during TAM [chapter 10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/15211882))

_I shut the door behind me and usher them aside. “What’s the big deal?” they say, the spark of their tongue piercing catching my eye as they speak.  
_

_“You shouldn’t just show up here,” I hiss. “Who knows--”_

_“Come on, Seph, it’s just to drop off some fucking CDs.”_

_“Yaz, if someone sees you wandering around without a badge, they might rope you into one of their experiments.” The last thing I’d want is for them or their brothers to turn into one of those_

_...monsters..._

_as annoying as they can be._

_They cross their arms and pout at me anyway. “You never say anything to Kadaj when he comes up.”_

_“Kadaj won’t listen to me._ You _will.” I say this, and I’m still not sure. Yazoo is probably the most level headed, but they’re still only 18. Hell, I went to their graduation in the spring._

_“When can we come over again?” they ask. “Kadaj wanted to know.”_

_I sigh. “This weekend is fine. You’re lucky I haven’t been called out that much these last few months.”_

_“So, what do you do, then? Just play with your band, or whatever?”  
_

_“A lot of busy work,” I reply. “But that, too.”  
_

_He snorts. “Cool.”_

_There’s a pause. It’s odd--I’m such a huge part of these kids’ lives, I’ve known them since they were toddlers. But I was already a teenager when I met them. And yet, they’ve still...hung on to me. I can’t shake them. “How is your mother?” I ask._

_“Mom’s fine,” they reply. “You don’t have to keep asking.”_

_Jenova is technically my mother as well, my foster mother, but something holds me back from calling her as such. She’s a saint, for raising three troublesome kids and then taking me in as a fourth. In Sector 2, arguably the shittiest part of town. I know Loz moved out, but I don’t know their plans, or Kadaj’s. My luck, he’ll want to move in with me. Great.  
_

_He flicks his bangs out of his eyes with his head. “I gotta go,” they say. “Loz is waiting for me.”_

_“Fine, go on,” I reply. I think to put my hand on their shoulder, but I refrain. “Take the back way out.”_

(S.)


	24. #20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/15/16
> 
> In-universe time: [During TAM chapter 14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/15575425)

_“Baby, stop staring in the window.”_

_We’re dropping Tifa off, and she pulled Cloud in to have a little heart to heart. Those two seem to gel really well together--aren’t they childhood friends, or something? The way he looks at her really shows it. “I’m just here for moral support,” I reply, taking a step back once she tugs on my shirt.  
_

_“Just leave them alone,” she says, but I can tell she’s staring too, especially when her eyes widen. “Oh, are they...”  
_

_I glance back over, and they’re standing pretty close. Go on, kiss her! Kiss her...and, nope. Just a hug. “Aw, man,” I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “Dude, she was right there! You should’ve went for it, man...”_

_She giggles. “What, did you think they were going to kiss?”_

_“Well, maybe...?”_

_Somehow, she finds this really funny--enough to try and muffle her laughter as she wanders away from the bar door, and I run to catch up with her. “Hey, what’s so funny?” I exclaim, roping her in around the waist._

_“Oh, honey,” she sighs, still laughing. “Cloud Strife is gay.“_

_“H-huh?” What do you mean, he’s gay? And why do I suddenly feel light-headed?_

_“Can’t you tell? Oh my God, Zack...”_

_“No, Cloud’s not_ gay,” _I reply, scoffing and crossing my arms. “He’s just a shy, sensitive kid. Look at how sweet he is with Tifa!”_

_“Maybe so,” she says. She pokes my nose, her eyes dancing. “But I’ll bet you 2000 gil that he comes out before he’s SOLDIER.”_

_“Holy shit,” I exclaim. “That’s like...one of those deluxe sundaes we get at the soda shop.”_

“Two _deluxe sundaes,” she says with a wry grin, and holds her hand out.  
_

_And she keeps it there, with a smart tilt of her head. She...really is confident about this. She’s not the type to bet unless she’s absolutely sure. But, I’ll take her up on it...I just...I’m not convinced, y’know?  
_

_I’m not..._

_“All right, you’re on.”  
_

_When I shake her on it, she yanks me in and kisses me quickly. “Yes!” she hisses, then looks behind my back. “There he is. Cloud! Over here!”  
_

_He comes out, hands in his pockets, and I let go of Aerith, but not before she unbuttons the top button of my dress shirt. Her hands are ice against my skin--I didn’t realize I was that warm. “Hey, how’d you do?” I say, putting my arm around his shoulder. “Ready to head back?”_

(Z.)


	25. #21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/15/16

_Back at practice. I’m setting up my amp. Gen and Seph aren’t here yet, so it’s just me and Angeal. “How was your weekend?” he asks me._

_“Pretty good, pretty good,” I reply. “Did you guys survive the party?”_

_“Oh yeah, we managed. This guy got bombarded with questions, per usual.” He pointed a stick back at Sephiroth, who just walked in. He greets me with a grunt and nothing more. “What about you? I saw your standard come in late yesterday. Did he stay at your place?”_

_Ah. I guess Cloud’s “my” standard, now. Just like I was his 2nd, and I guess Seph was Genesis’ 2nd as well. Funny how tight knit this group is, in its own way. Speaking of Gen, he pops in too, an odd, lazy smirk on his face. The first thing he does is pull out LOVELESS from his jacket pocket and slap it down on his bass amp. “Yeah, he did. It was a good time. We just hung out most of the weekend...”_

_Angeal interrupts me, just for a second to address Genesis. “You’re not high, are you?”  
_

_“Honest, I’m not. What, I’m not!” he replies.  
_

_Sephiroth rolls his eyes. “I can confirm,” he sighs.  
_

_Angeal chuckles at this, but he quickly returns his focus back to me. “That’s cool. Did his date drop by?”_

_“No, she had to work.” Something’s been on my mind, and Angeal is the one I’d talk about it to...but I’m not sure about the others. I know I’m going to forget if I wait, so I just go for it. “You know, a funny thing happened, on our way back. Aerith and I were talking, and she was like,_ really _insistent that Cloud was gay.”_

_Angeal raises an eyebrow. “Really.”_

_I plug in my guitar and strum a chord--it’s a little loud, so I turn it down, while glancing around the group. This seems to have gathered some attention...just like I expected. “And I was like, ‘really? Cloud? Gay?’” I laugh, but no one really joins me. “I dunno, kinda wild...to me...don’t you think?”_

_I’m met with silence. Genesis bites his lip and can’t seem to look at me. Sephiroth opens his mouth, then closes it again with an eyebrow raised. And Angeal just squints at me and shakes his head. “Uh, g-guys?” What? What did I say?  
_

_“Let’s just get started, Fair,” Sephiroth mutters, flipping his hair, then turns to the others. “What do you want to warm up with?”_

_I’m left hanging, and completely confused. Angeal gives me another look before tapping his sticks on the ride cymbal.  
_

_Am I the only one who doesn’t believe that...?_

(Z.)


	26. #16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/17/16

_It is 2 in the God damn morning, and he’s still got his music blasting. Looks like it’s time to check up on him. Better me than one of the Turks who live on that floor. I know what to expect._

_At least, I always think I do._

_I beat on the door, and the volume cuts to half. “Ange? ‘Sat you?” Yup, he’s high. I’m surprised he can even move to turn down the stereo. Then again, there is a remote.  
_

_I try the handle, and it gives, so I’m already committed to opening it. I shouldn’t be surprised by what I see. Nothing should surprise me after over a decade dealing with this asshole. Nonetheless, I am._

_He’s naked, but there’s thankfully a blanket over his crotch, with a condom wrapper on his chest. There’s a blissful, dazed look on his face. “Heyyyy,” he slurs, drawn out. I can see his hand twitch, trying to wave to me, but it barely moves. There’s...something wet on it. God.  
_

_“Did...” I start, unable to take my eyes off this trainwreck. “Did Sephiroth do this?”_

_He giggles, and it gets louder. Only now do I notice that the bathroom light is on, filtering behind the closed door. Shit, he’s still here. “Oh, he sure did,” he manages to say, still giggling. “You wanna know what else he did?”_

_“No,” I reply. “Listen--”_

_“He fuckin’...” Talking is difficult for him, and I’m already backing out. “Clawed me all up.” He forces himself up and there certainly are scratch marks all over his back. “Turns out he gets pretty nasty when you start fuckin’ his--”_

_The bathroom door opens just enough for a roll of toilet paper to come flying out, barely missing Gen’s head. “Shut_ up _\--!” Sephiroth groans from inside.  
_

_“I’m going to go,” I say, shutting the door before Genesis can say anything else.  
_

_I really don’t care about what they do behind closed doors. I don’t even want to know. And most importantly, I don’t need the wrath of Sephiroth if he happens to remember this tomorrow..._

(A.H.)


	27. #8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/16/16

_Zack let me borrow his bike. He offered to give me a ride, but I wanted to go by myself._

_I’ve got a lot to think about.  
_

_I‘m outside city limits, driving around the desert that lines the entire outside of Midgar. It’s bare, and even the pink and orange wash of sunset doesn’t change that. I tool around until I ride up the cliff that overlooks the city. I kill the engine and just sit. And watch.  
_

_And think._

_SOLDIER exam is in a couple days. I...think I’m ready. I’ve studied a lot. Zack says I have enough stamina to last the physical portion, which is reassuring. I can’t say I’m not nervous. I’ve heard whispers around the halls. They say that passing the exam isn’t the hardest part. Not even close. It’s the mako they give you.  
_

_I never thought too much about why there weren’t many SOLDIER. Hell, I thought there were more, but now that I’m at the headquarters, right on base, it’s clear they’re really the elite. I think that group of four are the only 1sts left--unless there are others stationed somewhere else. All of them with blue in their eyes, an artificial glint. If you can survive it, you’ll be stronger, be able to push past your limits.  
_

_If you don’t..._

_I don’t like thinking about it.  
_

_Zack tells me not to worry, and I want to believe him. I know I’m...not the strongest, though. None of the other guys in my division seem to be worried either, but they haven’t been paying attention like I have. Or, at all. I don’t want to go home without my rank as SOLDIER. But, I don’t want to leave anyone behind._

_Mom. Tifa. Zack.  
_

_It’s getting dark. I start it back up and sit back on the seat. He let me borrow his bike. That’s not...something you do for just anyone.  
_

_Ah, damn. My heart is racing again. I need the wind..._

(C.)


	28. #14, 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/26/16

_I can't sleep. This is the most comfortable couch in the world and normally I'd be out like a light, but I can't sleep._

_I can't stop thinking about him, I can't believe this. I told myself I wasn't going to set myself up, it's pointless just to be let down. He's got a girlfriend, so what's the point? The point is I can see the way he looks back at me and it aches, it aches, it aches._

_He makes me so happy, and I ache._

_What's it mean when he hugs me in the kitchen? He tells me it's all right, what's all right? Damn it, it's not, I'm not going to let you cheat on your girlfriend because of stupid me. But...even she doesn't say anything. She hasn't come up to me and gone “back off”._

_It's like she knows._

_And yet I still think about Tifa, too. It's so easy to be with her. Kissing her would be simple. It's easy to be with him. Kissing him...would be unreal. And yet the one I'm really hung up on is taken. Can't be satisfied with anything, can I?_

_I...wrote him a confession. I can't hold this in much longer._

_I'll give it to him after I do my exam, but only if I pass it. After I'm officially SOLDIER. Then I will._

_Until then, I'm still trying…_

(C.)

* * *

 

_Lying awake with her by my side, and my heart’s racing. Fuck. I can't stop thinking about him._

_I know, I know, I don't need this. If I asked her, she'd say it's okay. I can feel it. But I didn't think that I was like that. I thought that she was the one,_ the _one. And now he comes along…_

_I'm not going to lie. I'm scared to love him. I'm so fucking scared. I don't have to be, but I am. It's weird, I shouldn't feel guilty about something that makes me happy, but here I am. I should just...talk to him. Or her, either way._

_Tomorrow, after his exam, I'll give it a shot. Maybe._

_I press my back against her, curling up into a ball. Guess I'm in for a long night…I'm still getting there..._

(Z.)


	29. #27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 6/8/16
> 
> In-universe time: [Immediately after TAM chapter 22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/16209638)

_I hang up the phone and turn to Gen and Seph seated behind me. “Well,” I say, crossing my arms. “Now what?”  
_

_“I still think we should burn this place to the ground.” Gen says.  
_

_To my horror, Sephiroth nods. "I concur."  
_

"No, _we can't. That's not an option." And here they are, looking at me as if I took the lollipops right out of their mouths. Someone has to be sensible around here. I roll my eyes. “As of right now, Zack's staying at his house until Cloud recovers. If he recovers.” Even I can’t say for sure. That glow in his eyes was haunting...  
_

_“Crescent said he’ll make it,” Seph grumbles. “Why do_ we _have to do anything?”  
_

_“Well, it’d be nice if he didn’t get fired, for one,” I say. “Or killed.” It comes out light, but it's heavy on my chest. I never want to see Aerith in a black dress. Or his mother bury her son.  
_

_"Or worse," Gen adds. He looks serious for once, which is rare. I half expected him to be more like Seph, that whole "who cares" attitude, but he's the one who wanted all of us to get together. He's surprising as he is predictable. "If Hojo decides to get some kind of sick revenge on him..."  
_

_I didn't think of that. _Seph clearly didn’t either--he looks uncomfortable, shifting in his seat._ My shoulders tense at the thought of Zack turned into...a monster of some kind. Something more gruesome than we already are. I roll my shoulders back. "He told me that Cloud had 100 mL of mako in him."  
_

_"That's a lot," Gen says, kicking his feet up on Seph's lap. He immediately pushes him off. "Bet you that's illegal."  
_

_"And they were planning to give him more."  
_

_"'Course they were, they're fuckers." Gen laughs, but it's a bark, there's no humor in it. "Honestly, I'm pissed that he got to punch Hojo before any of us did. I would've given that bastard more than just a concussion."  
_

_"Maybe because_ some _of us think first and act later," Seph interjects. He gives Gen a look--it's reprimanding and familiar. I'm glad he's doing it so I don't have to.  
_

_Unfortunately,_ because _it's coming from Sephiroth, he revels in it, grinning as he leans his head over to him. "Give me enough weed and I'll do fuckin' anything."  
_

_"We know." "I know." Seph and I speak in unison, but I continue. "If we can make a case to Shinra, we can get him off easy. A standard getting an illegal dose of mako, along with four other dead soldiers is not something they're going to want to get out in the open. Zack wants to squeal to begin with."  
_

_"What if he does?" Sephiroth asks.  
_

_"Well, if he's not a dead man before we get there, then we back him up." I study them for a moment--first Sephiroth, with his strange silver hair and piercing gaze, then to Gen; lazy, sprawled posture but with focus in his eyes, blue eyes that weren't blue when I met him. These are my comrades, for better or for worse. My hand wanders to the feathers on my belt. Gen's wearing his black earring, while Sephiroth also has one on his belt today. We all have one, because we know how dirty Shinra really is.  
_

_Genesis slaps his knees. "That'll shake them," he says. "Who wants to stare down three gods with swords?"  
_

_I snort and shake my head. He always uses that terminology. Gods. Monsters. We're certainly powerful enough. But, it's come at a cost.  
_

_I heard someone once say, "wings represent freedom for those who have none".  
_

_Once this is over, whatever the outcome, I think Zack will be ready to earn his wings._

__“Well, what are we waiting for?” Seph says, standing up and already heading toward the door. He runs his fingers over the hilt of his sword, long and strapped to his back. “Let’s get this over with...”_  
_

(A.H.)


	30. #5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/4/16
> 
> This was the inspiration for [TAM chapter 24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/16301045).

_It’s been a day since he brought Cloud home, barely conscious. He’s been half asleep on the couch the whole time, and I’ve only seen him stir once. Zack’s had a chair pulled up right beside him, and he won’t leave his side._

_I’m worried about them both, but I think I’m worried about Zack more.  
_

_I come out into the living room just as he’s strumming his guitar, a notebook on the coffee table. He plays a few chords, then stops, stares at him on the couch, then tries again. I place a hand on his shoulder and he jumps. “Ah!” He smiles at me, but it’s not all there. “Sorry, babe. I was just workin’ on something...”_

_“I know. It sounds good.” I rub his shoulder, then sit on the arm of the couch, opposite Cloud’s head. “Anything from him?”_

_He shakes his head. “He woke up a little this morning, tried to talk, then conked right back out.” His fingers curl over the fretboard, and a crease etches into his forehead. There are bags under his eyes that weren’t there before. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen him this distraught, at least not for very long. He’s always been good at keeping a cheerful outlook.  
_

_Maybe there’s something I can do..._

_“Hey,” I ask, “could you do me a favor?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“Could you play_ that _song?”  
_

_“Huh?” It takes a second for it to click, then his eyes widen in recognition. “Oh, oh yeah. Gimme a sec...” He leans over to his guitar case and wrenches out his capo, clips it on the fretboard, and strums the opening chord. “That one?”  
_

_“Mmhmm.”  
_

_When we were first dating, we heard this song on the radio, and I told him that I loved it. He learned how to play it the next day, and surprised me. His picking is smoother now, and he nods as he plays the progression, cue for me to sing:_

“I took my love, and I took it down,  
Climbed a mountain and turned around;  
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills,  
When a landslide brought me down...”

_I know this song by heart, so my mouth sings the words while I study him. I’m reminded of the day when he was promoted to 1st-class, and he got the mako booster. He doesn’t remember, but he was barely lucid, and I had to guide him home. He passed out mid-sentence on the couch, eyes glowing from the dosage. I didn’t sleep that night, afraid he wouldn’t come out of it. But, the next morning, he came to the bedroom and kissed me, same as before._

_So, in some ways, this is like looking into a mirror.  
_

_We finish the song together, his head turned toward him, and suddenly it drops, him hiding his face in his arms. “Zack?” I say. His shoulders shudder. Damn it. I scoot off the couch and hug him around the back of his shoulders, kissing his temple.  
_

_“I’m okay,” he says, muffled, and he sniffs and looks up at me with watery eyes. He’s trying to grin, trying to reassure, but it’s thin. It’s so thin. I understand. He doesn’t want to lose his friend.  
_

_He doesn’t want to lose someone he loves._

(A.)


	31. #23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/17/16
> 
> This was loose inspiration for [TAM chapter 25.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/16340840)

_On her bed, it’s getting late. She has her knees tucked right up to her chin, rocking gently. Somehow, I knew this was a bad idea. Since Cloud’s been sick, Zack’s been strained, so I thought I’d give him some space. And so I come over here, because she’s my friend and..._

_Her breath hitches. “Aerith?”  
_

_Her voice is so plaintive. Every time she comes over to the house to check on him, her voice never wavers, her eyes are always dry. Zack’s enough emotion for all of us--he has a hard time reeling it in. But we’re here alone, now, and it shows. “What is it?” I say._

_“D-do you...think he’ll make it?” she asks me. “Do you think he’ll wake up?”  
_

_“I do,” I say. I am 80% sure that he’ll be just fine, but it’s a little less than the 95% I estimated to Zack when he first brought him home. It’s been a couple days, and he hasn’t, but hey, third day’s the charm, right?  
_

_I don’t say any of this. Her face hides in her lap and her shoulders shake. “Oh, honey...” I murmur, and I hold her in my arms._

_And she cries.  
_

_I kiss the top of her head, stroke her hair. I’m so tired. I’m always the one who has to stand strong, even though I’m worried too. I saw Zack come out of it, I know Cloud will too. It’s just a matter of time..._

_...and the wait is the hardest.  
_

_My strength is waning. My kisses wander down to the temple of her forehead, the last place I can reach without lifting her head up. I want to kiss her tears away, every last one of them. I want to dispell the sadness that she’s been trying to hold in, that she’ll only let me see.  
_

_That’s something similar between the two of them. Because even as vocally worried as he is, Zack has only cried in front of me. Just like Tifa is, right now.  
_

_I squeeze my eyes shut, curl my lips in, to stop the “I love you” from spilling from my mouth. Cloud, you’d better wake up soon, because otherwise I’m going to overflow..._

(A.)


	32. #29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 6/28/16

_God, I’ve never craved a cigarette so hard in my God damn life. I bummed one off another one of the 2nds, and I nearly ran down to the smoking area on the west wing. Even though I tossed my cigarettes, I still have my lighter, and I’m barely out the door before I light up. Someone’s already out here. “Oh, Cloud?”_

_I don’t take the time to register the voice, or the uniform, I just nod and take a huge draw off the filter. The smoke fills my lungs and ah, that’s better, that’s much better. The itching in my fingers stops, even my headache is going away...with a sigh of relief hazed by smoke, I finally turn to look at whoever it is that’s out here who already knows me._

_Oh, it’s Angeal. His cigarette by his side is almost out. I can feel my anxiety start to spike and take another drag. “Didn’t know you smoked,” he remarks with a dry chuckle. “Guess most of us do anyway. Probably shouldn’t...”_

_“Y-yeah.” God, why is making conversation so hard? Angeal is Zack’s friend, and he’s nice, so it shouldn’t be. I’m such a fucking baby. I take another drag, desperate for the smoke to soothe me. “I-I actually...I quit a few weeks ago, but...”_

_He waits for me to finish my sentence, but I just shrug instead, leaning against the walls of the building. “Yeah, I know how it is,” he says. “Once you think you’re free, it bites you back in the ass. It took Zack a couple tries to quit himself.”_

_“Really?” It dawns on me that this might have been a mistake. My heart is drumming slow and loud in my ears, and my hand drops to my side. Angeal is still talking, but oddly, I can’t hear him. There’s a wash of blue creeping on my vision, and I feel warm..._

_...I could just..._

_...let it take me..._

_...it was easy, being under..._

_...I..._

_“Cloud?_ Cloud, _look at me!”_

_...nngh..._

_When I come to, still hazy, Angeal is holding me up by my shoulders, and I only realize how strong the grip is after I shake my head. “Hey, hey,” he mutters, scanning my eyes._

_After a second, the blue glow finally fades, and I straighten myself up, shaking my head. “A-ah...” Damn it, I knew I should’ve just told Lucrecia or a nurse about this, instead of just running off. Stupid, stupid...stupid with no fucking self control, why did they even let someone like me into fucking 2nd-class..._

_“Zack, meet me up in rehab. I’ve got Cloud with me.” Angeal speaks into his pager before he clicks it off, back into his belt. “C’mon. Let’s get you upstairs.”_

_I nod slowly. “I-I’m...s-sorry--”_

_“It’s fine,” Angeal says curtly. He heaves one of my arms around his shoulder and guides me inside, my cigarette smoldering on the pavement behind us. “You’re still recovering, don’t get so worked up.”_

_I nod, and I try to protest again, but he seems to be one step ahead of me. “You’re one of us now,” he mutters as he takes us over to the elevator. “Maybe not 1st, but Zack’s taken to you. And if he’s my responsibility...” His glance is kind, but firm. “Then you are, too.”_

(C.)


	33. #22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/17/16
> 
> This is not canon to the story.

_Genesis told me, “don’t take your eyes off him, if you want to keep him safe.”_

_I go up to the rehabilitation center--he should be about done for the day, so I’m going to check up on him. It’s only been a day since we brought him here. I’m going to...have the song ready for him at the end of the week. I hope he’s okay.  
_

_“Hey, I’m looking for Cloud Strife, 2nd-class,” I ask the front desk._

_She looks at me for a moment, then hits a few keys on the computer. “He’s in the recovery room.”  
_

_It’s at the very end of the hall. There’s nothing there but a cot. He’s just in some sweats, his head down. “Hey, buddy,” I say. “How’d things go today?”_

_He mumbles something I can’t quite understand, and I freeze in place. “U-uh...” I stammer. This isn’t normal. That fear that clutched me all damn week has got me right in the throat, and suddenly I feel that raw, helplessness again. “C-C...”_

_He jerks his head up like a puppet on a string. Fuck, fuck--his eyes are unfocused and glowing again, and he’s speaking, but nothing is coherent, he’s speaking in tongues. I don’t think he can even see me. “Come...come on, man, it’s me, it’s Zack...” I say.  
_

_He obviously doesn’t hear me, because the stream of consciousness--hell, if you can even call it that--doesn’t stop. It doesn’t stop, in fact, it gets louder, and his lip twitches and he’s laughing, he’s laughing and his eyes are wide and they don’t react as that laugh is hollow, hollow, hollow_

_oh God Cloud_

_don’t let me lose you_

_not yet, not now_

_I still haven’t told you--_

“Cloud!” _I shout, and grab his shoulders, shake him. “Cloud, snap out of it!”  
_

_Thankfully, thank God thank God thank God this shakes him, he blinks and the glow disappears, his eyes still haven’t gone back to their natural color and they probably never will for the rest of his life, tainted by that cyan glow, but I can live with that, I can live with that, because now I can look into his eyes_

_and I can see that he’s still in there._

_He’s still Cloud.  
_

_“Huh?” he says, clearing his throat. “Zack? When did you get here? What’s wrong?”_

_I sigh, I sigh deep and long. And when I can finally muster up the energy, I shake my head and smile. “Nothin’,” I reply. “Looks like you just dozed off sitting up, th-that’s all.”  
_

_I push a chuckle out. “So, how’d rehab go?” God damn, Zack, you keep putting this off and putting this off, and if you’re not careful you_

_really are going to miss your chance._

(Z.)


	34. #36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/14/16

_I’m just a little buzzed when I hear him playing from next door. I was just about to put some music on too, something loud, but there’s something about the twang of his acoustic that stops me. First of all, his acoustic? I barely hear him practice it. I take another hit, wait until walking feels like I’m wading through sand, before I wander over.  
_

_I get a little distracted by the lights in the hallway--they’re dim and my high makes them sparkle, but I get there, somehow. I get to the door. I stare at it, and I go through the motions of twisting,_

_twisting it over,_

_huh..._

_It gives, surprisingly. He’s pulled out a stool in the middle of his living room and is sitting in nothing but a t-shirt and boxer briefs, hair braided back. I barely ever see him with it braided. His eyes flick over for a split second, a bare acknowledgement of my presence, and he keeps playing. The doorframe keeps me up as I listen to him sing.  
_

“Where’re you going to tomorrow?  
Where’re you going with [that mask I found?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iiqKx1OeC0)  
And I feel and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her,  
Will she smell alone?” 

_I let the sound wash over me. Why doesn’t he play acoustic more? I barely see the thing leave his apartment. Not that I’m actually over here that much--he won’t let us smoke in his room, so we just do it at my place. It works. Whatever the dark prince wishes.  
_

_I was expecting for him to stop, for him to give me a disgruntled “what the hell are you doing here”, but he doesn’t, he keeps playing, he keeps singing. I think he’s even smirking. Of course, he has an audience. He loves the attention. I’ve never met a bastard more hellbent on getting everyone to notice him. Let me tell you, it isn’t hard--he’s over six feet tall, with that long silver hair and a piercing stare, strength and finesse to match.  
_

_You’d have to be blind not to.  
_

(G.) _  
_


	35. #31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 7/15/16
> 
> In-universe time: Immediately before [TAM chapter 29.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/16613368)

_He told me, “today’s the day!”, so I skip out of work early to come around to HQ. And yet, when I barge into the band room, he’s not there. “Hey!” I greet. “Where’s Zack?”_

_Angeal answers as he wanders around his drum kit, wiping his forehead with a bandana. "He just stepped out. He'll be right back, though."_

_This is probably a better opportunity, while he's gone, though. And Angeal is who I go to first, rushing right up to him and giving him a huge hug. "H-hey!" he exclaims, a bit stiff. "Aerith...?"_

_"Thank you," I say into his huge chest, then I look up into his bewildered face. "I ran into a Turk, maybe a couple times. She said that...her assignment had been called off. On Zack. I know it was you who took care of it..."_

_He gets it now, and he relaxes, enough to give me a quick hug back. "That's what we're here for," he replies. "Someone's got to keep him out of trouble, you know?"_

_"Oh, I know," I say. I've known Angeal almost as long as I've known Zack--he's always been that sort of mentor figure around, for all of us. When Zack got promoted, it was him who debriefed me on what to expect for his mako booster. He's like a rock...probably for a lot of people here. I know Zack thinks so highly of him, and...I do too._

_While not as tall as Zack, he's still a head above me. Why does everyone have to be so tall? So, I use his shoulders for leverage and give him a quick, chaste kiss on the cheek. He snorts at this and rubs it, shaking his head. "Thanks," he says, then gestures over to the other 1sts. "I'm not the only one you should thank."_

_I turn around, and it's Genesis' attention that I garner first. Oh, I might as well. The hug I give him isn't quite as big, and he returns it with one arm. He smells like cigarettes and incense. "This isn't the first time this shit's happened," he says as he withdraws, leaning against his amp. "History repeats in this hellhole."_

_"Somehow...I'm not surprised," I reply with a snort. Zack doesn't say much about the inner workings of Shinra, but I've seen some things just from my few visits, eavesdropping now that he's 1st. And especially after Cloud...no, I'm not surprised at all._

_Sephiroth has his back to me. I'm almost about to abandon the idea, but Genesis silently eggs me on with a nod of his head. Ah, yes. I poke his shoulder. He turns in profile to me. "What?"_

_"You helped too, didn't you?" I say. "Tifa told me she ran into you, and you led her to our place."_

_"Yes."_

_"That was awfully nice of you." My voice is lilting and dripping with sweetness, hands laced behind my back._

_Finally, he turns around with a heavy sigh. "I suppose it was the least I could--_ ghh!"

_I choose to hug him hard enough to knock the wind out of him. He doesn't return it, but he refuses to look at me when I let him go. "Thank you, Sephiroth," I say._

_"Mmn," is all he can come up with as he flicks his bangs. God! He's something. His face is flush, but I'm positive it's not because I've charmed him. I don't know if anyone could, honestly..._

_"Oh, hey, hon!" Ah, but there's someone I can charm. Zack whirls back through the door, bending down to kiss me on the cheek. "Have a seat, we've got a few things to go over before it's really ready..."_

_I take my seat in one of the folding chairs as Zack shoulders his guitar again. Genesis is grinning by his amp. "What's the matter, Seph?" he asks._

_He won't look at anyone. "Nothing," he grumbles. What a sourpuss..._

_But, back behind his kit, Angeal catches my eye, and gives me a deep nod. It says "it was nothing", but keeping Zack, and Cloud in extension safe..._

_It means everything..._

(A.)


	36. #39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/19/16

_It’s a quiet night. I’m practicing scales in the living room--this is how I got good to begin with, so I keep doing it. It’s easy now, I don’t have to think about it. I don’t even plug in my amp tonight, just listen to the muted strings as I move up the fretboard, and up, and up..._

_Suddenly, there’s a pounding on the wall from next door. And a yell. “Damn it!” Then, a whimper.  
_

_Shit.  
_

_I put my guitar down as fast as I can and run out of my apartment, over next door. “It’s locked,” I say through it. Christ, I can hear him panting through the wall, and I hear the click, but he doesn’t open it. I have to.  
_

_He’s on the floor, clutching his arm. There’s a needle beside him, along with a discarded vial. It’s Shinra branded, all of it. He’s everything but curled up in a ball, panting and grimacing as his eyes water and glow bright, bright blue. “F-fuck...!” he hisses. “I-it...it f-fucking hurts...”  
_

_I gingerly pick up the needle and vial and set it on top of his trunk, where he keeps all his other drugs. This is something different, something he doesn’t enjoy, but he keeps doing. Says it’s because he’s “sick”, but won’t tell me any details. “They fucked me up,” he’s said to me, “so this is my consolation prize.” But, is it really worth it?  
_

_“Gen,” I mutter, before I reach up and knock on the ceiling. “Take it easy...”_

_“It hurts, it hurts,” he chants, over and over, and I kneel beside him. He immediately flees into my chest, shuddering. As soon as he’s there, he really lets loose, and I can feel him wail into my shoulder. Fuck, I hate seeing him like this. It’s so different from how he usually is. I’d rather see him high and hallucinating than...doing this.  
_

_Angeal’s down within five minutes. “What’s--ah,” he says, and keels down beside me. “Loading up, huh?”  
_

_He nods against me, and Angeal and I exchange a look. I think he knows more than I do about whatever it is he’s doing, but even he won’t divulge. He nods to me before taking Gen into his own arms, stroking his hair. “Just breathe,” he says to him,  “it’ll be over before you know it.”_

_He can’t bring himself to speak anymore, just groan, but he does look right at me. The glow is just starting to subside in his eyes. Why do you torture yourself like this? I don’t get it. I shake my head and lean over to grab the vial from the top of his trunk, just to look it over.  
_

_There’s an iridescent film at the bottom. Judging by the label, it’s mostly mako, with a few parts of other chemical compounds I can’t quite decipher. Why do you need another boost of this shit? Don’t we have enough in us to begin with?  
_

_And don’t you resent it?_

_I have so many questions, I always do, but they vanish when he speaks. “Seph,” he croaks. I turn and he’s reaching for me.  
_

_So, I go back..._

(S.) _  
_


	37. #19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/13/16
> 
> This was the inspiration for [TAM chapter 13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/16690153).

_[He pulls me into the bedroom, and there’s a constant giggle in the back of his throat.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9WEeKYID4I) My head’s still spinning, spinning, spinning. He jumps on the bed and pulls me into his lap, facing him. “How’re you feeling?” he asks._

_“I-I’m okay.” I’m still a little woozy, to be honest. But today’s been such a...a day. He sang for me--well, it was for both of us. But she already knew that he loved her. I didn’t..._

_I didn’t realize...not completely...that he felt the same for me...  
_

_He knocks his forehead against mine. “Hey,” he murmurs, and runs a finger across my cheek. “I-I wanna try something.” He actually sounds a little nervous, even though he’s smiling. God, that smile. That smile. He tilts his head, a little closer, closer still. I respond in turn, but I can’t close my eyes. This still doesn’t seem real. Am I still in a mako fever dream?_

_But I feel it when he kisses me._

_It’s soft, it’s deliberate, and my lips try to form to match. I’ve...I’ve never kissed anyone before. Not even Tifa, as much as I liked her, as much as I’ve wanted to. He kisses me again, and again, and then he pulls away. His breathing is shallow as he laughs. “Oh, God,” he chuckles to himself, and he’s grappling for my hands, lacing our fingers together._

_I probably seem calm, but I think I’ve stopped breathing.  
_

_“Cloud,” he whispers. Then, he kisses me again, but it’s hard for him to stop smiling, so he has to stop it short. “Shit, I...I knew that I liked you, hell, I even felt it when I was falling for you...”_

_You fell for me? No, I fell for you..._

_I try to say something like this, but my mouth doesn’t want to work, and I’m stopped by the look in his eyes as he gazes right at me. “But God, I’ve never...I’ve never felt quite like this.”_

_“Zack...” He waits as I try and gather my words, his fingers tapping on my wrists. “N-neither have I...”_

_His grin widens, and he suddenly tackles me into a big hug, laughing all the while..._

(C.)


	38. #4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 3/31/16

_Curled up right under the crook of his arm as I watch him play video games. He’s only got a couple, but he’s good at what he has--at least I think so. The blue hedgehog does loops around the screen under his control while I readjust my head on his side.  
_

_“Shoot! I always miss that...” he exclaims as he flies right into an enemy, rings flying everywhere. “You can’t jump too high or else that’ll happen.”  
_

_“Mmn.”  
_

_“Hey.” He pauses the game and looks down at me. “You want to give it a try?” he asks._

_I shake my head. “No, I’m good with watching.”  
_

_He smirks and kisses my head. “Just checkin’.” And just like that, he resumes the game and is back to his focus.  
_

_I really...can’t believe things worked out like they did. I thought I was going to have to bite this crush down, pretend to be cool--when in reality, just being around him made my heart race. Cliche, isn’t it? But, it’s the truth. Some of the butterflies have subsided now, which is probably for the best. In fact, I could doze off right here, if only he would sit still..._

_“You boys need anything?” Aerith peeks around the couch, running her hand through his hair as she walks by.  
_

_“We’re cool,” he replies, just as he zooms past the goal. “Woosh, just like that!” He chuckles and tosses the controller onto the coffee table in order to hug me, pushing me back on the other side of the couch. “C’mere...”_

_I can hear her giggle as he kisses my cheeks, ending with a few pecks on my mouth. “H-hey...!” I squirm a bit, lightheaded from the affection--there sure hasn’t been any lack of that since he’s been around..._

_And God, I think I needed it._

_“You’re cute, you know that?” he says, beaming with both his eyes and his grin. “Sunflower, don’t you agree with me?”_

_“I have to say, he is pretty cute.” She might not be my girlfriend, but Aerith loves to tease, and she sticks her tongue out before she wanders back into the kitchen.  
_

_“See? It’s a fact.” He rubs his nose against mine, giggling all the while. My face must be as red as a tomato, and I can barely speak. He calls her sunflower, but the name fits him just as well..._

(C.)


	39. #28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 6/28/16

_Morning. I’ve got a headache. It’s probably a hangover, but it might be the humidity. My hair is going to be a nightmare to tame._

_I can hear dull music from beside me. That’s right, the blackout curtains should’ve tipped me off that I stayed over here, but his body beside me is the most obvious sign. He’s wearing headphones, CD player on his chest, eyes only half open. It’s a clear cover, and I can see pink spinning on the inside. So, “Loveless”.  
_

_I sit up, some of my hair sticking to my back, and he pulls one ear off. “Hey,” he greets. His voice sounds like it was run through a cheese grater._

__“Why are you listening to that again?” I mutter, back to him on the edge of the bed. “Didn’t you have enough last night?”_   
_

_“Not from you,” he replies. Christ. “It’s the best way to start the day.”_

_I shake my head. “You’re insufferable,” I hiss._

__He chuckles. “Tell me something I don’t know.”_   
_

_I feel him scoot closer so that his side is right up against my back. I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve stayed over--memories of the night before mostly lost to a stoned haze, waking up half naked beside him. I don’t know why I keep doing it. There’s the argument of if I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t keep doing it, but..._

_Damn, I need to take something for this. And wash my hair._

_He’s humming to himself as I stand up to stretch, and I pull the curtains back to let in the light of the overcast day. “Ugh, Jesus,” he groans, shielding his eyes. “Why’d you do that...”  
_

__“You have to get up too,” I say. “The world doesn’t stop because you’re hungover.”_   
_

__“Speak for yourself.”_   
_

_He’s got that shit-eating, half smirk on his face, and I roll my eyes before I start to head out to look for my clothes. We always end up in here, but my clothes are never here. They’re always--_

_Ah._

_Before I can get out, he stops me by grabbing my hand. It’s a loose hold at first, but grows tighter as his fingers graze the tops of my knuckles. I’m frozen for a moment. Just a second, before I turn to look at him. “What?” I ask. It comes out as a whisper._

_Both ears of his headphones are off as he stares at me. It’s a long time, eyes slits of blue, reddish brown fringe a mess on the pillow. That glazed look is one I’m familiar with--it’s the first one I saw when I met him, stoned out of his mind while guarding the standard barracks. Stoned enough to tell off a Turk and then ask me,_ “hey, you, what’s your name?”

“Sephiroth, huh? Not bad...” _  
_

_This time, though, there’s a gentler smirk on his lips, one that I’ve only seen over time. He lets go of my hand. “Nothing,” he mutters, settling his headphones back on his ears and rolling over. “Don’t use all my shampoo when you shower.”_

_I scoff. “As if.” I flip my hair over my shoulders before striding out, heading to the bathroom first. Not to shower, no, it’s better to do that at my own place. Although, I_ do _notice something as I pass the sink._

_Two large bottles of conditioner. The exact brand I use.  
_

_...Asshole._

(S.)


	40. #30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 7/8/16

_Morning, morning. He’s always up early, even when he doesn’t have to be. I stumble out, rubbing my eyes--I desperately need a coffee to function, especially since I quit. But, I stop in the doorway before I can make it to the kitchen._

_He’s playing guitar.  
_

_It’s a lilting melody, with picked strings and a constantly moving line. It’s soothing, and he has his amp on a setting that makes it even more...dreamy. I don’t know the name of the sound, but I know it sounds nice. I wander slowly to the living room, around the couch. His eyes are closed, and he’s humming very gently along. His head tilts back and forth, in loose beat to the music. He’s smiling.  
_

_Zack..._

_I don’t make myself known right away, I just watch him. He’s so chatty most of the time, so full of energy, and it’s easy to see why Aerith (and even Angeal) call him a “puppy”. He brightens up every space he goes to, just like a blinding sun...and I love him for that. I wish I had his confidence, I wish I had that swagger he carries whenever he walks..._

__He cracks open one eye and smirks wider. “G’morning, sunshine,” he greets, not breaking stride in his picking. “How’d you sleep?”_  
_

_“Good,” I reply with a yawn. “Still...a little tired.”  
_

_“Sleepyhead.” He chuckles, low and quiet. He’s mellow now, more like sunrise instead of something more bright and full, but it’s still warm, still warms me from my head to my toes as I look into his deep, blue eyes.  
_

_He wraps up the sequence with a long chord, then pats the seat beside him. He’s smack in the middle of the couch, but I’m small, so I squeeze right next to him, leaning heavy on his shoulder. “I was just thinking of you,” he says, kissing my temple._

__“Really...?”_  
_

_“Mmhmm.” He begins finger-picking again, although it’s clumsy with me at his side. I shrink so he has more room. “This little...I dunno, little song, it makes me think of you.” He hums along with the progression again, then cuts himself off. “I should make something out of it...”  
_

_Another song for me...I smile down at my lap. He’s...the best..._

_I feel him adjust, taking the guitar off and setting it on the floor in front of him. He lifts up my chin with one finger--the look on his face is gentle, so gentle, and I can feel the laugh bubble up in his chest. “Cloud,” he murmurs.  
_

_I think I’m going to melt..._

_But before I can, he leans forward, tilts his head, and kisses me..._

_Again..._

_And again..._

(C.)


	41. #11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/22/16

_Love waking up at 2 in the morning to a stomach ache..._

_I wander out from the bedroom (he doesn’t even stir--typical, he sleeps like a log), tip toeing into the kitchen so I don’t wake up Cloud. Except..._

_I can hear him whimpering..._

_I abandon the kitchen to go to the couch. He’s curled up at the edge of the couch, holding his arms and shaking, shaking, eyes glowing blue in the dark. Even though he’s been in rehab, apparently he still hasn’t adjusted to the mako. “Cloud?” I whisper._

_“Nn..nnn...” He can’t see me, his eyes are unfocused, and I sit right beside him and clasp at his wrists. He chokes in the back of his throat, breathing heavy, and he finally,_ finally _looks at me. “A-A...Aer...”  
_

_“It’s okay, breathe,” I murmur. He closes his eyes, taking a few shallow breaths that even themselves out. When he opens them again, the glow fades to a normal dark. “What was it?”_

_“Another...another nightmare,” he says. His arms relax, but he’s still shaking. It really should be Zack doing this for him, he could soothe him better. The effect he has on him is remarkable. “I dreamed that Zack and I were...were on a mission...”_

_“You don’t have to--”_

_“And we got attacked...he p-protected me bu-but he...but he...he...” He tips his head into his lap and covers his face with his hands. “Aa...aagh...”_

_“It was just a dream,” I assure him, and I hug him as best as I can. “It’s just a dream, Zack’s fine, he’s asleep in the other room.”_

_“I-I...I know...” Oh, Cloud, you’re the last person this should have happened to. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that worry in his heart that shows how much he cares about Zack. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to soothe someone’s nightmares, or even nightmares about someone they love dying._

_Zack has them, on occasion, and after, he clutches me so close..._

_Speaking of which..._

_“I’ve got an idea,” I say, coaxing him up off the couch. “You go sleep with him tonight.”_

_“Huh? But what--”_

_“I’ll sleep on the couch,” I say. He doesn’t resist when I guide him to the bedroom, and he slips in where I would be, tentatively pulling the covers over himself. Almost instantly, Zack rolls over and spoons him with a small groan in his sleep.  
_

_Cloud sighs, and settles in. “Thank you,” he whispers._

_I nod and smile--my stomachache seems to have gone away. “Night,” I say._

(A.)


	42. #26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/28/16

_I stare at myself in the mirror.  
_

_I don’t...really feel like I’m here. I can see myself, my own reflection--my pale face, the odd contour of my nose, the dark rifts under my eyes, my chewed lips and my thin, thin neck. I stare right into my eyes, and yet it feels like..._

_I’m looking at someone else.  
_

_I can’t sleep, to say the least. I sigh through my nose, then turn the faucet on in the bathroom. I wait until there’s steam coming from it, and I stick my hand right underneath._

_It burns, it burns immediately, and I jerk away. I don’t...know why I did that. Maybe just to realize that I’m alive and real? That I exist?  
_

_I hate this low-key...whatever this is. It’s exhausting, but I’m never tired enough to just sleep it off. So, I have to sit with it. What’s even weirder is when it isn’t accompanied by the tightness of anxiety, something I’m more familiar with. It’s just there.  
_

_I wish I could just check out for a little while. Forget about everything..._

_The door creaks, and I jump, returning to my body with a rattling start. He rubs his eyes at the light and squints at me. “Cloud?” he says. “I heard the water running...”_

_It’s still running, and I fumble to turn it off. “I-I’m fine, I just...” Ah, but I’m not fine, I still feel odd and floaty in my own skin. If you could...if you could touch me, maybe I’d feel grounded.._

_Luckily, I don’t have to ask. He sleepiliy walks over and takes me in his arms, pressing my head against his bare chest. I sigh deeply, because this feels better. This feels right..._

_“Let’s go,” he mumbles, shuffling me with him as he shuts off the light. “Let’s go to bed, baby...”_

_Fitting three on that full-sized bed is a challenge, but he puts me in the middle and spoons behind me, and with his arms around me,  
_

_I feel safe,_

_like I’m supposed to be here._

(C.)


	43. #34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 7/29/16
> 
> This was the inspiration for part of [TAM chapter 66.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/23284322)

_Man, I hate being at a desk. All this paperwork that I don’t give two shits about. But, someone’s gotta do it--Sephiroth won’t, he can weasel his way out of anything. So can Genesis, for that matter. Angeal’s on patrol. So...here I am.  
_

_It’s late, and my eyes are glazing over. I’m just skimming by this point, I’m no good at this sort of thing. Damn it...I’d rather be home, it’s late, and I miss them..._

_There’s a knock on the door. “Yeah?” I say._

_A creak of the handle, a puff of blond. Oh... “Cloud?”  
_

_He’s still in uniform and offers me a sheepish smile, it’s soft and familiar and I can feel myself relax. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask, waving my hand for him to come over. “It’s late, shouldn’t you be home already? Or back in the barracks?”  
_

_“I got put on duty,” he says, stopping short at the edge of the desk. “My shift’s supposed to be up at midnight, but...”_

_He trails off, and I glance at the tiny clock underneath the lamp I’m working off. It’s 11:30. “I was...I didn’t get to see you leave, so I...thought I’d try looking for you...there’s not a lot going on anyway...”  
_

_There’s a shyness about him, the way he’s talking low in the quiet of the office that makes me...God, I don’t know what. It’s so gentle, and I just want to hold him, but I really can’t. Not here, anyway. Well, let me think...I smirk and gesture to him to come around the side of the desk. “Come sit,” I say.  
_

_His eyes flick down to my lap before reaching my face--yes, that’s the only seat in the house, babe. He hesitates for a second, chewing his lip to figure out how he’s going to do this, but he settles on straddling me in my lap. Not quite what I was expecting, but I’ll take it. I can feel the heat radiating from his face--I don’t think he quite thought it through either. I kiss his cheek, warm and soft beneath my lips. “There you go. This is good, right?”  
_

_I chuckle, but he studies me a little closer. “Are you okay?” he asks._

_I blink, and adrenaline surges through my heart. “S-sure, yeah.” But, my eyes flick over to the piles of papers, shoddily rushed through. When I look back up at him, there’s a shadow cast over his face by the dim light, and it’s so quiet, it’s so damn quiet and you know..._

_Somehow, you just figured it out, you wandered in,_ “gee, Zack must be feeling lonely, doing stuff he wasn’t really cut out for in the dead of night, I should go see him.” _How’d you know?  
_

_How’d you know..._

_I snake my hand through the back of his hair, and pull him in for a kiss. His lips are dry and flaky from biting them--he must’ve had a pretty stressful day himself--but I kiss them softly, just the same. “Tell you something,” I murmur, right into his lips. “I’m feeling better already.”_

(Z.)


	44. #40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/24/16

_Where the hell is my shirt? I pack light whenever I stay the night, and that’s the only one I have…sure, I could borrow one of his if I wanted, but they’re too big on me, and it might raise suspicion. After all that happened, I really want to just fly under the radar for a while..._

_Shuffling through the bedroom, I kick a box from under the bed. Huh? I kneel down and pull it out. It’s a shoebox, pretty old from the looks of it, but it rattles when I pull on it. I look behind me at the open door--Zack must still be in the shower, and Aerith’s already left for the day. My curiosity gets the better of me, so I take off the top._

_There are no shoes in here, that’s for sure. Folded lined paper covers the top of it. One of them I recognize--my confession letter, right near the top. I bite my lip. He kept it...I don’t read any of the letters, just skim them. Most of them are from Aerith, although there are a couple with Zack’s spiky hand. Underneath a pile of those are--_

_Oh my God.  
_

_There are...pictures..._

_The first one I come across is of him, splayed out on the bed. He’s grinning and winking at the camera, that big shiny smile, and by the looks of it, he’s completely naked. The frame crops out his crotch, but I don’t have to think too hard to imagine that he probably has a hard-on. I cover my mouth as I sift through the glossy Polaroids. There are some of Aerith too, although I don’t dwell on them. God, there’s another one of him, the look on his face definitely means that--_

_“Hey, Cloud?” I hear him call from the bathroom, his footsteps making their way around. My face is hot as I’m fumbling to put everything back in its place. “What did you want to--oh, what’s up?”  
_

_I jerk my head up over to him--I wasn’t quick enough, my hand is still on the shoebox, and of course he’s wearing nothing but a towel around his hips. Don’t gawk too much, Cloud, just act casual... “I-I was just...I was looking for...”_

_My hand keeps twitching on the shoebox though, God damn it, and it draws his attention. He grins out of the side of his mouth. “Ah, see you found our secret little stash, huh?” he says, sauntering over. He squats beside me, hair dripping over his back and shoulders.  
_

_“I didn’t mean to,” I apologize, talking too fast. “I was looking for my shirt, then I kicked it over and--”_

_“Hey, no big deal,” he says. “Find anything you like?”_

_Oh, I sure did. “Well...y-yeah...” Heat is radiating from my face and he chuckles with a wink. God, why do I have to be a fumbling, stuttering mess? Why can’t I be more like him..._

_He stands up and pulls me along with him, running a hand back over my hair. “We’ve got a little time,” he mutters. He glances down at my lips, and bites his own. I’m going to die. “Wanna make the most of it?”  
_

_All I can do is nod, but when he kisses me, it’s open-mouthed and hot..._

(C.)


	45. #43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/5/16

_There’s a reason I’m out in the hallway, trying to make my way back to the apartment. Genesis probably said something stupid to me and that’s why I didn’t stay the night. My head’s pounding and my neck feels...sore for some reason. If that bastard bit me up..._

_The hallway is a...hell of a lot longer than I remember. My feet feel like lead. One step at a time. One...step...at a time..._

_Oh fuck, there’s someone coming...red hair in sweats, carrying a basket full of laundry..._

_“Hey, if it isn’t Sephiroth!” That’s fucking Reno. Good lord. He kind of...floats toward me. Am I still moving? Damn you, Gen, for making me have that one last hit, “one for the road” you said, you piece of shit.  
_

_Reno is grinning at me. “Damn, look at you,” he says, gesturing to my face. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone. Was she hot?”  
_

_I stare at him. What’s he talking about? He raises an eyebrow, and before I can make my mouth move again, he starts...talking again. “Dude, you’ve got lipstick all over you. You must’ve really gotten lucky!”  
_

_Oh, for fuck’s sake. I drag a hand across my face, it’s all I can really do. Sure enough, that mauve shade that he likes to wear is all over my fingertips. Fuck you, Gen, fuck you, why do you even have to wear God damn lipstick? Then again, I have a stock of mascara and eyeliner in my bathroom, so I guess we’re even..._

_I think I mumble some of this out loud, because he squints at me and leans forward. “What’d you say?” he asks, adjusting the laundry basket so it’s leaning against his hip.  
_

_“No,” I mumble. It’s time to get out of this fucking hallway. I scan the doors, and somehow I’ve wandered right in front of mine. Good. Great. Where are my...keys..._

_He dares himself to get closer to me and he...sniffs me. Imbecile, why would you even think you had the right? “Aw, man, you smell like weed,” he exclaims. It’s loud in my own ears, come on, where are they? I can’t get my hands in my pockets... “Hey, could you hook me up?”  
_

_“No, I don’t,” I manage to say, even though it feels like my mouth is full of cotton. There they are, come on, Sephiroth, don’t get distracted by how smooth the metal feels...even though...it is...smooth..._

_Reno laughs and that jerks me enough to try and unlock the door. I miss a couple times, but get the key in the lock. “Come on, man, I’m not going to tell on you! Dude, I would just give it to Tseng, now_ he’s _a guy who looks like he could use a break. I mean, sure, I’d keep some for myself...”_

_God, he won’t shut up, he won’t shut up, like another ginger I fucking know. I growl as I push the door open with my entire body. Oh Christ, he’s trying to follow me in. “You got a name or anything? Where you--”_

_I shut the door in his face, pawing at the deadbolts. I get one flipped over, and I try for the chain, but it’s...way too complicated right now. I crumble to the ground and beat my head against the door. Stupid, stupid Gen, dragging me to his stupid apartment to get fucking blazed...the floor threatens to swallow me up, and I close my eyes to try and dull the sensation. Being high is great when you’re relatively still, but all that walking..._ _  
_

_But, this is my fault in the end. I’m the one who still went over there..._

(S.) _  
_


	46. #44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/10/16

_Mmn..._

_Zack said to me, “this is one of the perks of dating me” before we went out for a cruise. At first, I thought he was just talking about riding on the back of the motorcycle with him. That was a...bit of a silly assumption, considering we had already done that a few times before we started dating. No, he drove me out to a lookout--was it he same one from our first drive? It’s hard to tell at night--, shut the lights off..._

_...turned around, put the kickstand up, and dragged me into his lap..._

_I don’t know how long we’ve been making out, but it’s been a while, my lips are already swollen and my head feels hot, hot, hot. He pauses to breathe, finally, and looks up at the sky. “Damn,” he whispers. “It’s nice out tonight.”  
_

_I follow suit. Above us is a navy blue blanket, with pinpricks of light dotting the sky. I focus on those and not the blinding beacon that is Midgar behind us. You can even see the brightness of it above Nibelheim--you only have to get just above the village to get a view. “Yeah,” I remark. “I’m surprised you can even see them...”_

_He chuckles. “I know it. I bet you can see ‘em a lot better back home. It’s the same for me.” He runs his hands absently up my thighs, around to my hips. “When I first took Aerith home to meet my Mom and Pop, she was_ mesmerized. _She lived under the plate all her life, and didn’t really wander above it ‘til she was a teenager. So it was a real treat for her.”_

_I nod slowly. I can’t imagine...not being able to see the sky all the time. I mean, sure, I’m living with them under the plate, but I can always go up above whenever. I wonder when Aerith realized she could too._

_I catch Zack’s eye, and even in the dark, I can see the glitter of blue in his irises. He grins, and winks at me. “You’re a country boy too, so it probably ain’t too much for you...”_

_“N-no, it’s...” I bite my lip. “It’s good. Because I’m...with you.”_

_That was corny, cripes. Being around both Zack and Aerith has...well, “loosened me up”, as they might say, but I don’t feel as anxious as often. Still, that was embarrassing, but he smiles even wider at me, and it’s like there’s another star, right in front of me.  
_

_Zack.  
_

_“Kiss me again,” he murmurs, drawing closer to my lips. “Before we head in...”_

(C.)


	47. #56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 10/13/16

_We rarely sit on his couch. I don’t even know why he has the damn thing, if all he uses is his shitty beanbag chair and keeps me on the floor. But, it’s Sunday morning. We’re sitting on the couch together. His big screen TV is on, a faded technicolor showing a rerun of_ Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

_This is weird.  
_

_He’s wrapped up in a blanket, curled up on the cushion beside me with a steaming mug of coffee between his hands. I don’t think I’m still high, but I’m groggy. That strange hangover that comes with staying over and smoking too much. Speaking of smoking, I want my morning cigarette, but it’s an effort to move off the couch. He didn’t even offer me a coffee..._

_I usually am up and out of here before he even begins to stir, but by some odd coincidence, he woke up before me. I was in his bed alone.  
_

_Fuck, I’m all over the place..._

_A commercial comes on, and he leans his head against my shoulder. “What are you doing the rest of the day?” he asks. It’s a quiet mumble.  
_

_“Washing the weed out of my hair,” I reply. “Might go see Mother. Take Kadaj and Yaz out, give her a break for once...”_

_“You willingly spending time with those kids?” he snickers. “You’re feeling generous today.”_

_I sneer at him. I tend to do this sort of thing on the Sunday, especially if I don’t visit during the week. It’s something they don’t have to think about. His parents--or at least, whomever was left--died when I was a 3rd. Angeal has always spoken of his mother in the past tense. I don’t know or care about Zack…_

_But, if it weren’t for Jenova..._

_She never wanted me to join SOLDIER. But, it was all I had in mind when I was a teenager--it was my only way to escape the throngs of the orphanage, where I was unnoticed and forgotten. Later, it would be the slums of Sector 2, where I was bullied for my strange hair and eyes. None of them realized my strength, my intellect, or dedication…but she did. Somehow. She did, and she wished me well, she signed the forms when I was 18, and told me to come home safe.  
_

_So, I always do.  
_

_The clatter of his mug on the side table startles me out of my thoughts. “When are you going to go?” he asks, leaning harder into me.  
_

_I sigh. “Maybe after this is over,” I say, my eyes glazing over at the TV. “It’s still early...”_

_He snorts. “Thought you weren’t even watching it.”_

_Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t..._

(S.)


	48. #41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/31/16

_Her back is smooth and soft. There’s a place right in the center of it where I can press my face and kiss. So, I do. I kiss it again and again. She’s just beginning to doze, so she doesn’t respond. Sweetheart..._

_We have the bed tonight, after I begged for it from Zack. The other two are on the couch--when we went to bed, he had Cloud nestled right in his lap, just like that time I caught the two of them napping. They looked pretty peaceful. Just like we do right now, probably. I hug her around her waist, right beneath her chest, and nuzzle further. “Tifa...” I whisper._

_Unfortunately, she jumps. “Hn? Wh...” She goes as far as to try and roll over in my arms, but I keep her where she is, spooned snugly in place. “Sorry...”_

_“No, no,” I murmur, kissing her back once more. “I didn’t mean to jump you.” I shift her hair away so I can get right at the nape of her neck, another kiss.  
_

_She giggles, very low--the only reason I know is because I can feel it through her pressed against me. “It’s okay.” She goes to roll over again, and this time I let her. I can only barely see the reflections of her eyes in the dark, and she fumbles in the dark to try and see me--a hand running over my face, along my neck.  
_

_The silence between is nice, a change of pace from Zack the chatterbox. He’ll usually talk to me right up until he conks out, but she’s quiet, she’s soft, and I sink into the rhythm of our breathing between us. I never thought I’d be in bed with a pretty girl ever again, but sometimes, things work out, don’t they?  
_

_Don’t they ever..._

_Tentatively, her forehead edges against mine, and I sense her breathing stutter. Ah, I think I know. I close the gap between us for a kiss. Her lips are soft, soft, just like the rest of her. We kiss again and again, until she breaks and nestles her lips against my neck, just resting. My mind flashes through all the shy looks, the blushing glances, and the bike rides we went on that all led up to this. She used to whine and complain about my little find, that rusty two-seater, but she still came with me, every time I asked.  
_

_Hell,_ everyone _complains about it. And yet, they still humor me. Even Cloud does.  
_

_I smile to myself and motion to roll over into something more sleep-worthy, and she does the same, although she keeps an arm around me. I love...being surrounded by love._

(A.)


	49. #47-50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/16/16

_He wakes up with a start beside me, and he’s gasping for breath. “Hey, hey,” I murmur, spooning him from behind. I usually sleep the whole night through, but...he’s been whimpering in his sleep, it woke me up. Not to mention I think there’s a storm brewing overhead. You can’t see lightning, but you can hear the thunder rumble in the plate...  
_

_Nonetheless, he sits straight up, wriggling from my grip, gasps turning into weak crying. “Haah...d-damn it...” he breathes, clutching his arms.  
_

_I worm one of my hands beneath his, clammy and cold, and he clutches it, shivering. “Bad dream?” I ask._

_“Y-yeah...f-fuck...” Now, he cuddles against me, burying his face in my chest as he weeps quietly. This is the second time he’s been crying against me this week, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all..._

_Sure, I wouldn’t have met him if it weren’t for Shinra. Hell, wouldn’t have met her either--who knows if I would’ve left Gongaga. But...it’s them I have to blame for these nightmares, for him getting sick..._

_But, lucky for me, it looks like I’m soothing him. His breathing gets deeper, and he looks up at me. His eyes don’t glow like they used to, only on rare occasions, and this...doesn’t seem to be one of them. “You’re all right, I’m here,” I say, kissing his damp face.[“I’ve got you...”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxC8LX8P4_w)_

(Z.)

* * *

 

_“Hn?”  
_

_I had just gotten to sleep--this couch is big enough for two people to sleep, given the recliners, but it’s still cramped. She stirs on my lap, looking around. “I heard...something,” she whispers._

_“It’s...” Nothing, I’m about to say ‘it’s nothing’, but I can hear something from the bedroom. I can just barely hear Zack’s voice, and Cloud too. “I...think Cloud had a nightmare.”_

_“Another one?” She cuddles against me once again, nestling into my side. “God, poor thing...”_

_The way she talks makes me think that this is only one of many. He didn’t used to have bad dreams when we were growing up...none that would shake him to tears, anyway. Sometimes, I’d stir to go to the bathroom, and he’d be awake, just sitting up in bed, bleary before settling back in.  
_

_She kisses my cheek. “He’ll be okay. Zack’s got him.” She settles back into her sleeping position, and I stroke her hair. I don’t have to worry, with them around. She’s warm and soft...and reassuring..._

_And I’m drifting..._

(T.)

* * *

 

_The lightning stirs me from outside, but it’s the crack of thunder that fully rouses me. Jesus, why is it so loud? I can hear the rain pelting on the plate below. When I open my eyes, I can see it. Oh, fuck, the window’s open--_

_I try to move, but someone has his arms around me, nose angled right into my back. Ugh, bastard. The movement makes me dizzy, meaning I’m probably still a little high. Are we at my place, or his? It’s unusual for him to have the curtains open like this._

_I push again, and he won’t budge. When I finally force him off me, ripping his arms away from my waist, he groans. “Sephiroth...” It’s a miracle he can say my whole name, with how slurred it is, and his eyes are slits as he tries to reach for me._

_“You left your fucking window open, you idiot stoner,” I rumble, slamming it shut. The floor’s already soaked underneath, but I don’t bother. It’s two in the God damn morning, he can clean up the mess himself. I shut the curtain as well--I can see a trace of lightning through the crack, but otherwise it blocks pretty well._

_I’m up, and I’m more awake than I was. I could just go back to my place. My eyes adjust quickly to the dark, and I see him roll over, curl in a ball on the other side of the bed, and begin to doze again. I could. There’s no reason for me to stay. I could just leave._

_But, I don’t._

(S.)

* * *

 

_I watch the rain water the row of plants I have sitting on the balcony. It’s been dry, dry, and they need the drink. I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. Judging by the silence from downstairs, even the highest SOLDIER in Midgar is already sleeping. I remember the days when we were kids, he’d invite me over, and we’d listen to records until we both passed out.  
_

_Some days, it would just be because he was tired. Most days, it wasn’t. I’d have to pull the pipe out of his God damn mouth. He never knows...when to stop.  
_

_I’ve contemplated inviting Zack over to do something similar, but I know it wouldn’t be the same. I don’t think he’d be able to sit still long enough. He’s mellowed out a little--and I mean just a little--since I’ve known him, but he’s got his girl now, so I think he’d be less likely.  
_

_He did come out to see me play, though. So, maybe._

_Ah, everyone’s got someone, it seems like, don’t they?_

_I can’t complain._

(A.H.)


	50. #32 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> Original publish date: 7/18/16

[“Hold on, the night is coming, and the starling flew for days...”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHJb87nNsGY)

_The record crackles on my player, this one’s an old one. I only wanted to listen to this one song, so maybe I should’ve put on the CD, but vinyl has such a better sound. Plus, more time for foreplay. More time to get higher..._

_So..._

_“Nnngh...”  
_

_He growls, eyes squeezed shut as I stroke him, all lubed up with that silver hair spilled all over his chest. “Fuck,” he moans. Some more panting, God, I’m rock hard, I want to ride him, but I know I’m slowing down..._

_The music’s swirling in my head, and I’m heavy, so heavy..._

__“Hey.”_   
_

_I don’t know how long he’s been trying to get my attention. Time’s just...a concept, anyway. “Thought you didn’t...like this.”  
_

_His eyes are cyan slits, lips gently parted. Fuck, he’s pretty. I pause just to stare at him. When I met him, his eyes were green, green like I’d never seen before. Like seafoam. A little gawkier, a teenager, even though I wasn’t that much older. But he’s stronger now, he’s still got that defined face...still has that enormous ego, and somehow, I don’t mind stroking it...like I’m stroking his cock.  
_

__Shit, I didn’t answer him. “What, the Mac?” I reply. My tongue feels so thick in my mouth, it’s really...really hard to talk. “Nah, that’s not...that’s not it.” I start to giggle, and I can’t stop it, even when he’s starting to glare. “What’s wrong with a change of pace?”_   
_

_He can’t think of an answer to that, so I crawl on top of him, hovering. “Gotta fuck to it someday, or else...or else...” I can’t finish the sentence, but you get it, you get it, right? You get things more than most..._

_But he rolls his eyes. “Whatever,” he mumbles. Christ, he’s hot, the heat’s radiating off him. A wave of dizziness hits me...fuck, now the mako’s kicking in, and I’m seeing double..._

_A wing splayed out against the bed...black as night..._

_Great dark wing..._

_I blink, and it’s gone.  
_

_He reaches up and fumbles with the back of my hair. “Why’d you...stop?” he asks. It’s very slow, and he doesn’t look at my eyes when he says it. _It’s hard to tell w_ hether it’s a bruise to his ego or because he’s as high as I am (doubtful).   
_

_“Just...” I swallow, I can’t stop staring at him. “I wanna ride you.”  
_

__He squints and shakes his head. “What’s stopping you?”_   
_

_How blazed I am, probably. It takes me a minute to find the lube, and I’m fascinated by how it squeezes out of the bottle once I have it. Probably shouldn’t have had the third bowl. In a vicious effort to mask the desire to ask for more than a fuck..._

_Damn it, and I’m still thinking about it, aren’t I?  
_

_Nothing that a dick in my ass won’t fix.  
_

“Dreams that never really died, would you swallow your pride?” _  
_

_I try to make myself loud enough to drown out the music, and it pleases me to find that he responds in turn..._

(G.) _  
_


	51. #55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 10/6/16

_“Pleeeeease, baby,” she says, holding up one of her slips. “Just try it on. For me?”  
_

_“It’s not going to fit, hon,” I insist, taking it out of her hands. It’s silky, thin fabric, white with tiny blue flowers dotted all over it. Zack and Cloud are out on the couch--we have the bedroom for tonight, but I forgot my pajamas. “Just sleep naked!” she said. No way.  
_

_So, here we are. This is going to be a tight fit..._

_I unclip my bra and toss it on the bed before sliding the slip over my head. It catches on my boobs, and i struggle to tug it down over them. In the end, it’s tight in the waist, but it stays on without being terribly uncomfortable. But...this is_ not _how it’s supposed to fit.  
_

_On her, it’s loose over her small chest, and flowing down to the middle of her thighs. I have more surface area to cover, so my bust threatens to burst out of the top, and it only barely covers my ass. It would ride up like a shirt if I sat down. “There,” I say._

_She studies me with a hand over her mouth, then waltzes over without saying a word. She traces a finger down along the curve of my body, starting up at my bust and going all the way through my hip. “It’s nice,” she murmurs._

_“It’s too tight,” I insist._

_She takes me by the waist and presses our bodies together, the silk between the two of us making it slippery, and she swishes us for a moment. “Maybe,” she says. “But, it’s cute.”_

_“Yeah...” I try to protest, but she hushes me with a kiss, and then another, and another. Her hands wander down to my ass, and she squeezes just beneath it, making me gasp..._

_“Hey, Ti?” Cloud pokes the door open, looking back and not at us. Still Aerith separates herself from me just in case. “Did you do anything with that paper pile on the kitchen table?”_

_“Er, n-no,” I reply. I’m surprised he’s asking me when it’s their house. Then again, I was helping sort through it with her earlier... “Were you looking for something?”_

_“There was something I need to take in--” Now, he turns. His eyes are huge. “...tomorrow...”  
_

_He’s never been the type to stare, but he is right now, and it takes him a second to gather himself. “Ah, I’ll just...l-look for it in the morning,” he stumbles, then backs out of the room and shuts the door behind him.  
_

_As soon as it’s closed, she snorts behind me. “What a cutie,” she says, sneaking up behind me to hug me. “Cloud thinks you’re pretty~.”_

_“Mm, stop it--!” I squirm in her grip, probably because I know my face is hot. Honestly, the more the days go on, the more I think...it’s only a matter of time, for us..._

_“And so do I~.”_

_“Aerith!”  
_

_She spins me around and kisses me again..._

(T.)


	52. #63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 12/29/16

_Before I even get down to the rehearsal room, I can hear distorted guitar mashing from the hallway. That can’t be Sephiroth. So, who?  
_

_When I get there, Genesis is standing on a chair with Sephiroth’s guitar in his hand. It looks clumsy on him--I never remember that he plays lefty, but it’s obvious with the way he’s holding his guitar that it’s configured the opposite way. Angeal’s sitting back, and just gives me a wave.  
_

_“Oh, Fair, glad you could join us.” His normally side-swept bangs are parted straight in the middle, and he’s making an effort to make his voice sound deeper. “Here to witness the greatest guitar playing you’ve ever seen…”  
_

_“What the hell are you doing?” I ask._

_“Can’t you see?” He puffs out his chest. “I’m Sephiroth, the greatest person the world’s ever see--_ hehe _heen...”  
_

_He bursts into laughter before he can even finish and plays a poorly fingered chord. “Check this out--!” He fumbles his hands over the fretboard, trying to pick at the same time, but it’s…fuck, it’s bad. I mean, Genesis is great on bass, no questions asked, and I bet if he had a normal guitar, he’d be a lot better, but this is almost embarrassing.  
_

_I give Angeal a look. He just raises his eyebrows at me, then coughs. “Your impression needs work,” he comments._

_“What? Dude, I’ve been observing, I think I--wait, wait, let me try again.” He clears his throat. “I, the angel of darkness, great hero of the planet, of the dawn--”  
_

_“That’s LOVELESS,” Angeal sighed._

_“No, it’s not!” Genesis insisted, frowning. It’s clearly hard for him to see with his bangs all fucked up, so he just pushes them all back with one hand. “That line goes ‘there is no hate, only joy, for you are beloved by the Goddess; hero of the dawn, healer of worlds.’ Act II!”  
_

_“Oh, my God,” Angeal mutters. “Yeah, yeah…”  
_

_“We’ve been friends for fifteen years and you still won’t read it.”  
_

_“I don’t have to. I’ve heard you recite the damn thing for the last decade. And all those times you’ve taken me to the play…”  
_

_“It’s culture!”  
_

_“I didn’t realize a stoner like you enjoyed culture.”  
_

_“Hey!” Genesis frowns. “I have some dignity.” He puffs out his chest with a hand to it, then grins. “Not much, though.”  
_

_“I know,” Angeal sighs. “Are you high right now?”  
_

_“Nah,” he replies, aimlessly picking at Sephiroth’s guitar. “Just a little buzz right now. Just enough--”_

_“So, you are.”  
_

_“Well--”  
_

“What are you doing?!” _  
_

_Sephiroth’s voice behind me makes my blood turn to ice. He might be a diva, he might be easy to make fun of, but holy shit, he’s still terrifying. He’s one of the very few that can loom over me, and that’s something. His eyes are glowing as he pushes past me to glare at Genesis. “Put that down,” he says._

_Genesis is not swayed. He’s fucking fearless. “Ask me nicely,” he purrs._

_“Put. It._ Down! _Put it away!” He gets right up in his face, then whips away to yank a hairtie off his wrist with his teeth. “God fucking damn it…”  
_

_Of course, Genesis only grins as he pulls the guitar off his back and lays it gently back in his case. “Don’t get huffy,” he says. “I was just tuning it for you…”_

_“Shame, shame,” Angeal says as he stands up. “You missed his delightful impression of you--”_

_“Impression?” Sephiroth growls, not taking his eyes of Genesis. “You little shit…”_

_I plop down in a seat myself and sigh. I’m in for a long afternoon._

(Z.)


	53. #64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 1/1/17

****_“Mmhmhm…it’s been a while since we had a day like this, hasn’t it?”  
_

_She giggles and snuggles flush against me. I took a personal day today--her idea, she said I looked like I was working too hard. Well, I wanted to get some footing as 1st, and keep an eye on Cloud…_

_She kisses my back and my neck, and my thoughts dissipate. Yeah, this is good.  
_

_I roll over and hug her against me, barely dressed in one of her slips. We’ve barely been out of bed all day, just rolling around. Lazy foreplay, but nothing serious. I think she’s been kind of tired too--when’s the last time she had a day off? Fuck. I never actually thought about it…_

_She took the day off with me, so I think she needed it too.  
_

_“Sunflower,” she says._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I love you.”  
_

_I chuckle and kiss her head, then her cheek, then her lips, quiet and soft. “Love you too, baby.”  
_

_“Did you want to go anywhere today?” she asks, reaching over my shoulder and scratching the back of my head. Ah, that feels nice… “We’ve got the day…”_

_“Eh, I dunno,” I reply. I glance at the clock--it’s nearly 3 already. “We’ve spent most of it napping here and stuff…”_

_She shrugs. “Oops.” She’s only barely sorry, just enough for herself. She knows I don’t mind--I go, go, go all the time, it took me a while before I realized I could stop every once in a while. And sometimes I still forget. So she reminds me…_

_The phone rings, and she pouts. “Should I let it go?” she says with a stretch. “I kinda wanna let it go…”_

_“If it were Shinra, they’d page me.”  
_

_“Is your pager even on?”_

_“Uh, I didn’t take the batteries out of it, so…” I stick my tongue out. The phone keeps ringing. “Besides, maybe it’s Tifa.”_

_Her eyes light up. “Oh!” she exclaims, then clambers over me to reach for the phone, ripping it off the receiver. “Hello~! …Oh, hey, hon! …Yup, we’re good. Everything okay?”  
_

_I strain to hear the tone of voice over the phone. Somehow, I don’t think it’s Tifa. She rolls over to me, pushing the cord away so she doesn’t get tangled up in it, then winks. “Okay. You want to talk to Zack, right? …Got it.” She hands me the phone. “It’s Cloud,” she says._

_Oh? I take it from here. “Hey, babe.”_

“Hey. S-sorry…” _He sighs--he sounds shaky._ “D-don’t mean to…to call you like this, I just…”

_“What happened?”_

“Well, I…” _I hear him swallow._ “Just…i-it’s nothing.” _He pauses for a second, and then everything comes out all at once, a mile a minute. “_ Well, I fucked up in training a bit, and I got yelled at by a Turk, I dunno who it was, then I freaked out and I’m trying t-to c-calm down and it’s not working a-and and--”

_“Shh,” I soothe. I hug Aerith close to me. “I’m right here. Need me to come pick you up? Anything like that?”  
_

“N-no! No…” _Another long pause. He’s tough for fighting his own anxiety like that._ “Just…I wanted to hear from you. Y-you always…chill me out.” 

_I smile to myself. “Yeah?” I say, voice soft. “I’m glad.”_

_If he needed anything, you bet I’d throw on some clothes, jump on my bike and speed on over there. But, he is tough, and I’m sure he wants to be able to stand on his own. In fact, I know he does--just in the way he holds himself most of the time. But, it’s okay…if he needs my help.  
_

_I love him too, after all…_

(Z.)


	54. #58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 10/15/17
> 
> In-universe time: Sometime during [TAM chapter 48.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/18990679)

_Oy, oy, I’m not as drunk as I want to be. Maybe that’s a good thing. I sure was stoned enough to toss my last brownie to Cloud. Do I even have anymore at the house? Who the fuck knows.  
_

_Hojo’s dead. Hojo’s dead! Thank fucking God. I hope that bastard burns and rots and whatever else in hell. Still wish I could’ve killed him myself, but that old man--that old werebeast, remember, you saw that thing change right before your eyes, Gen--got to him first. Deed’s been done.  
_

_I have just enough of everything still in my system to be aware of my legs. I sure have legs. They’re moving down the slums of this hell city. Hard to believe that Seph grew up in this place, not to mention the worst part of it. You’d think he was in the lap of luxury, given that huge fucking ego..._

_No, that was me. And look at how I turned out.  
_

_There’s a payphone on the corner, and my body gravitates toward it. I feed it a couple of gil pieces and stroke the metal keys lovingly. My pager’s in my belt, anyone I’d want to talk to is right there, but there’s something...charming about being a little wasted at a payphone. Funnily enough, I remember his number and dial it. Not just any number. He said he was going to his mother’s after all._

_It rings once, twice, then a soft woman’s voice answers._ “Hello?”

_“Hey there, Mrs. C.” I’m torn whether I should try to sound sober or not. Hell, I’ve only met his mother once. Or was it twice? So at least one of those times I was out for the count. “This is Gen...Genesis. One of Sephiroth’s--”  
_

“Oh, hi there, sweetheart!” _The endearment is foreign to me, and shakes me a bit, making me grip the phone receiver a little tighter._ “Is everything all right?” _  
_

_“Oh, sure, sure,” I say, suddenly making sure I’m not slurring. “I’m just...Seph said he was going to see you tonight...issshe still there?”  
_

“No, hon, he left about an hour ago.”

_He’ll be home by now. I can harass him there. “All right, thanks.”  
_

“You know...” _Oh boy, oh boy, this is what I was afraid of. Some fuckin’ story. Jenova Cetra’s an old woman, and old women tend to go on and on._ “I’m so glad he has friends like you and...oh, what’s that other man’s name?”

_“Angeal,” I say automatically._

“That’s right, Angeal. You know, he was bullied a lot growing up, and always was alone in school. He always talks about you when he comes to visit. I’m just so...happy he’s doing all right out there.”

_I can’t think of anything to say, even as I get time while her voice grows distant, yelling “Kadaj! Don’t!” in the background. God fuck, I don’t get it. I don’t get it. I mean, Angeal, sure, Angeal’s a good man. But..._

_It’s funny, his mother said something similar to me. Even when I spent every moment awake as high as I could as a kid, she still smiled at me and said “you’re a good friend to him” while Angeal was out of earshot.  
_

_Why?  
_

_Why?  
_

_I make the phonebooth hold me upright. “Yeah,” I croak. “I...I’ve got to go. Thanks anyway.”_

“Oh! All right then, good night, Genesis. Good talking to you, dear.”

_“Yeah. N-night.”_

_I slam the phone back down, bite my lip hard enough to make it bleed, to taste the copper of blood. While I’m not completely sober, given the way my vision doubles when I try to run, it’s still too much, too much..._

_And I need to fix that immediately._

(G.) _  
_


	55. #59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 10/16/16
> 
> In-universe time: Immediately after the previous flash.

_It’s late for a weeknight. I had a decent visit with Mother, even though Kadaj was a nuisance per usual. It’s a miracle he hasn’t dropped out by now...but, I suppose my persistent words to tell him to stay has stuck with him. I swirl the whiskey in my glass and sip it, staring out the window into the plate and the desert below. Our gig is in a couple days. Finally, I’ll be able to--_

_There’s a knock on the door. I sigh. I can only guess who it could be.  
_

_That bastard got high--no, more than just that, higher than I’ve seen him on the job in a while. He doesn’t deserve any of my attention, that jackass. I continue to stare out the window.  
_

_Five minutes later, he knocks again. I continue to ignore him.  
_

_And then, I hear him._

_“Sephiroth...”_

_He still sounds inebriated, but not as bad as I’ve heard him before. “I know you’re home, you bastard. I called your mother’s place, she told me you went home over an hour ago.”_

_You called my mother? I barely remember giving you that number. Christ, it must have been before I made 1st. And you remember that when you’re wasted? “Hell, she...she told me...you talk about us with her. That’s...heh, that’s real fuckin’ cute.”_

_Oh, of course she told you that. I won’t deny it. I never had friends before I met you and Angeal..._

_“Y’know...y’know...judging by how you fuck with me regularly, I was...kinda surprised.” There’s a thud against the door, and his voice grows into a whine. “Seph...lemme in...”_

_I’m determined to stand my ground. Sure, you can act like...like this, but that doesn’t make up for the stunt you pulled at rehearsal. Acting like an asshole, calling me “angel of darkness” for Christ’s sake, how fucking immature..._

_“Ange’s mom said...said I was a good friend too...I just don’t fuckin’ believe it...and that was_ then, _when I was_ just _a useless stoner. Now, I’m that, plus a fuckin’ monster…made to murder, a god with clipped wings…fuck, fuck…”_

_I hold my breath in the silence that settles. If you’re a monster, Gen, then we all are. It’s Shinra’s fault. But the man in charge is dead--I heard about Hojo on the radio while visiting Mother. That’s what you wanted to celebrate, that’s what you were so happy about. So...what’s with this all of a sudden?_

_I remember what he said to you the last time we saw him. “Unstable as ever.” I hate to call him right, but..._

_I take a deep breath and sigh.  
_

_Maybe I should, but...I don’t.  
_

_I still don’t let him in._

(S.)


	56. #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 3/15/16

_Someday, I’ll come home and we won’t be living in this tiny shithole of an apartment. I’m saving up my tips so we can move out to something bigger, but it’s definitely cramped. Who’s bright idea was it to put four people in a one bed?  
_

_Oh, yeah. Zack’s, after I kissed her. Love how this was his solution to everything.  
_

_It’s late, and she’s already gone to bed, along with Zack, but there’s someone up waiting for me when I undo the three deadbolts. He’s dozing, but he hears the click and looks alive when I come in. “Hey,” he says, rubbing his eyes.  
_

_“You don’t have to stay up for me, you know,” I say, throwing my bag and keys on the messy kitchen table, covered with bills and other garbage. I look into the fridge, well stocked with beer, milk, and not much else. Oh, there’s a cheese stick. Works. Love being poor, though that’s the story of my life. “Don’t you have to be on base at 6 AM?”_

_“It’s fine,” he says with a yawn. “How was your night?”_

_“Same old, same old.” I take a bite of the cheese and circle back around to the couch, dingy and worn, and sit beside him. He pulls on the side and it reclines--thank Gods, other wise I’d be sleeping in the bathtub--and automatically draws me into the crook of his arm. “How much is it to secure that place we were looking at?”_

_“Huh? Oh, the one above the plate?” He shrugs. “I don’t know. It was a lot. 8000 gil? 10,000?”  
_

_“Fuck,” I sigh. “We’re never going to get out of here...”_

_“Well, I’m saving up what I get from Shinra,” he says, scratching my head gently. “Zack and Aerith were doing fine keeping up the rent here with what they had, so we can pull it together soon.”_

_“Not soon enough.” She hissed through her teeth. “I should’ve just stayed with Barret.”_

_“M...maybe.” It’s weak. It took me a while to figure out that he missed me, being here doing all his SOLDIER training and falling in love with one of the 1st-class members. I should’ve known--when he left, he said that he was joining the military for “all our sakes”. I thought he just meant his family.  
_

_I didn’t know he meant me, too.  
_

_He kisses my head. “I’m glad you’re here,” he says softly.  
_

_I forsake the cheese stick I’ve been nibbling on to lean over and kiss his face. Yeah, despite all of this, I guess I am too._

(T.)


	57. #7 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> Original publish date: 4/10/16

_God, God I can’t keep quiet--_

_She has two fingers inside me and her thumb rubbing my clit, and it’s good, it’s so good and she’s grinning at me, so big because I can’t stop panting, I can’t stop moaning and the heat is running all up my thighs and I’m so God damn hot.  
_

_She uses her other hand to run all over my body, my body I thought I was self-conscious about, but even when her fingers go through the rolls on my stomach, it’s so soft, it’s so soft and I can feel just everything, fucking_ everything. “Mmmn~,” _she moans, her long bushy hair only barely tamed in its ponytail (she took it down when we started, huge and big and sexy, but she had to put it back up when she started eating me). “How are you doing, sweetie~?”  
_

“Aah...h-nnaaah...” _Fuck you for making me try to put words together, I can barely even think! This is exactly what she wants, because she giggles and takes a hold of one of my breasts in her hand, and starts sucking on the nipple. A pang surges through me, and I tense my thighs, because I can feel the wave, the wave is coming, everything’s a haze and I can barely see but her heavy lidded green eyes are a beacon in my vision and I_

 _oh fuck fuck_ fuck _I’m--_

“HNNN! NNNnnnaaAH!” _I realize far too late that I can’t get my hands up to cover my mouth, and she fingers me harder, harder and my hips struggle to get more more I want more I can feel everything under her touch and I just want to taste it, I want to consume the wave the heat the rush as it floods me, it floods me_

_it floods me_

_and then it receedes, and I’m left shivering after the tsunami she brought on me. I must look satisfied, because she sure does. She withdraws and I can see how sticky her hand is, but keeps it far at her side as she kisses, kisses, kisses me, her lips so soft and her body pressed against mine. “How was that~?” she asks. “Do you want more?”  
_

_It’s still really hard to talk. “Haah...haah...I...”_

_Clapping and whistling emerges from the living room, even though we have the door closed. She rolls her eyes, collapsing on top of me._

_Fuck you, Zack._

(T.)


	58. #78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 12/10/16
> 
> In-universe time: [TAM chapter 54](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/20680345)

_“1st-class Rhapsodos.”_

_“Yes, Doctor?”  
_

_“…You have very high THC levels in your blood.”_

_Tell me something I don’t know, lady. I had a hit on my break, and I got really fucked up this past weekend so…I’m pretty loaded. The thought amuses me, but I give her a nod. She sighs and rubs her temple--I’ve never seen her do this, but the gesture is instantly familiar. I annoy a lot of people. “You realize I’m going to have to report this, correct?”  
_

_“You’re wasting your time,” I say, weaving on the bench. My arm’s all bandaged up from the bloodwork--first time they’ve had something mandatory like this in a long while. Guess a change of the guard in the labs calls for something, huh? Hojo didn’t care about anyone unless they were sprouting extra limbs or wings. Anyway… “They already know I’m a big fuckin’ stoner.”_

_She raises her eyebrows and cocks her head. “And they haven’t fired you?”  
_

_I shake my head with a grin. “I know too much.”_

_She bites her lip, then turns back to the computer, sifting through the data. She’s Hojo’s widow, so I guess she would know something about “knowing too much”, huh? I start to fidget. The weed isn’t going to be the most interesting part of my bloodwork. Unfortunately.  
_

_“Oh…”_

_There it is._

_“You…” She turns to me with her mouth covered. “You do know you’re--”_

_“Yup.” I claw my hand against my fingers. “Should already be in that little record of yours.”_

_Apparently, she didn’t look close enough, because she takes another gander at my file. “Oh, you were…in that group,” she mutters. “That first big experiment.”_

_“Is that what they’re officially calling it?” I spit, lip curling. “More like a massacre.” Our whole company of 2nds was wiped. Except for Angeal and I. And we practically broke out of the lab. Who knows what could’ve happened if I didn’t wake up early.  
_

_Fuck._

_“How are you being treated?” she asks.  
_

_This is trickier to answer than it should be. So I don’t. I keep the creases of my arms tucked toward me--they’re covered in bruises. It’d give me away. Still, she presses. “I need to know. I need to see if the prescription you’ve been getting is one of the placebos or--”_

_“Christ, it’s been eight years. Something’s gotta be working.” My voice is too loud, God, God. I hate this. I hate this so much. I want to burn this place to the ground. But the way she’s looking at me, I almost want to trust her. Like she actually has my best interests in mind. Since when has that ever been the case…?  
_

_“Fine,” I mutter finally. “I’ve been getting shit under the table.”_

_She frowns still. “Getting_ what?”

_“Injections. Do it myself, just get the mako or whatever from the labs.”_

_She pauses and holds a hand to her mouth. “Who prescribed them?”  
_

_“Hollander, I think?” It’s been a while. “Haven’t seen him in a few years, but they still keep giving me shit. What’s his deal?”_

_She readjusts her glasses with a cross look. “Figures it was him,” she says, and makes a note in my file. “And that’s classified.”_

_“Yeah, I’m sure,” I mutter. Bet he got “terminated”, as they like to put it. He always seemed a little too “hands-on”, even though he was right in Hojo’s pocket.  
_

_Despite my glare at her to press for more, she doesn’t elaborate. “You’re doing well, surprisingly. Your mako count is high, but you’re not oversaturated. This is a dangerous method to keep up for so long--”_

_“I’ve always been one for danger,” I tell her as I slide off the seat. I want to get out of here. Ever since “then”, being in any kind of doctor’s lab makes my skin crawl.  
_

_“If something…safer and more effective comes along, I will let you know,” she says. “But, I’ll make a note--”_

_Yeah, sure, whatever. Who cares about me. There’s something--or someone--more important out there than this bastard. “Hey. Do me a favor.”_

_“Yes?”  
_

_I have one hand on the door, and I don’t look at her when I speak. “You’re doing bloodwork for all the 1sts, right?”_

_“Right.”_

_“…Make sure Sephiroth’s all right.”_

_She stumbles a bit. “A-ah…I--”_

_“Just do it, okay?”_

_I fling the door open and slam it shut. Angeal is out there waiting for me, and he raises an eyebrow. “Well? How’d it go?”_

_“Great,” I mutter.  
_

_“That doesn’t sound great.”_

_Ugh, I don’t want this right now. “What’s it to you?”_

_I give him a look before I storm out. Angeal and I are fucked, we have been for years, sludging through this hellhole. The more time passes, the more fucking times I have to stab myself with a needle just to survive, the more I hate it, the more it festers. And the last fucking thing I want is for him to end up the same way.  
_

_Funny thing is, it’d be my fault if he did.  
_

_And that makes me hate everything even more._

(G.)


	59. #46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/11/16

_I’ve crashed at her place, although it feels empty. Cloud and Zack are out on a mission--have been for the last couple days. When he left, he said it’d probably be a week. He seemed excited, but I think it was just because he’d be traveling with Zack and the other 1sts. Of course._

_Oy, I’m...I’m not drunk, but I’m getting there. She's definitely tipsy, judging by the way she’s cuddling me on the couch. Normally she will anyway, but she feels heavy, and she’s on her third beer. The radio’s on, as there’s nothing good on TV. “Wonder how they’re doing,” she mumbles, finishing off her can and setting it down on the coffee table. “I miss my baby...”_

_I wrap an arm around her shoulder and stroke her hair. “Yeah.” I miss my boyfriend, too. I’ve been dreaming about him lately--nothing elaborate, but I always see his face. As long as he comes back in one piece..._

_A piano line emerges from the radio, and Aerith springs up from the couch, whacking her shin on the side of the table. “Oh my God,” she sputters, running over to the radio. “Yes, yes...”  
_

_She cranks the volume, nearly distorting the poor thing, and runs in front of the TV, turning away from me with her head down. Oh boy, what am I in for now?_ [“Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely, and you’re never comin’ round...”](http://shadsy.co.vu/post/149467817865/angstysatsuki-and-i-need-you-now-tonight-and)

_She sings along, a little more off-key than she normally would be, and raises a hand in front of her face. Every line she punctuates with a wave of her hand, acting the whole thing out. I’m desperately trying not to laugh, but the alcohol is already in my head, and a hiss escapes from my lips.  
_

“Turn around, bright eyes...” _She jumps and spins around, and reaches for me, a hand outstretched._ “Every now and then I fall apaaa- _a-art!”  
_

_In doing this, she forgets that the coffee table is between us, and runs into it again. I run up and stabilize her, but that only leads to her taking both of my hands in her own and dancing with me in the cramped living room. She’s belting every lyric with wild abandon, half smiling at me. I wonder if he’d let her do this with him?  
_

_I feel like I’m being carried away, and now I don’t stop myself from laughing. “Aerith!” I shout in the midst of her singing. “H-honey...!”  
_

“And I need you now tonight,” _she continues to sing, putting a finger on my lips._ “And I need you more than ever...”

_She goes to sing the next lyric, but she hesitates, big green eyes scanning all over me. Her finger is still on my lips, smearing over to my cheek, and then...then she kisses me.  
_

_She kisses me deep, her hands go around my waist, mine around her shoulders, as the radio plays..._

(T.)


	60. #33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 7/29/16

_After a little persuading, Ti and I managed to secure the bed, not that we’ve done much with it.  
_

_It’s raining today, and pretty hard. I can hear thunder echo from above the plate. We’re tangled up together, her arms around my shoulders and our legs twisted together. It’s easy, it’s comfortable. If I adjust my arm right, I might just be able to fall asleep..._

_I kiss the top of her head, then move down, brushing her bangs away lightly with my nose and kiss her forehead. I can feel her giggle, low in her chest, a sweet sound. I can smell cucumber melon in her hair--she’s been using Aerith’s shampoo, because his smells the same way. A rumble of thunder passes over again, and she nuzzles closer to me. “Cloud,” she murmurs._

_“Hm?”_

_“Do you...want to do anything?” She runs a finger down the side of my neck.  
_

_“Mm...” It’s humid today, even though the storm is trying to dissipate it. It’d be hot and sticky and sweaty, and I don’t know if I have the energy for that. “I don’t think so.” But, if she did... “Do you?”_

_She shakes her head. “Nah. I’m not really feeling it. I just thought I’d ask.”  
_

_She adjusts so she can look right at me, auburn brown eyes glinting garnet in the low light, and I kiss her, just once, softly. Zack and Aerith are more enthused about sex than we are. It’s not a bad thing, no, but sometimes...it’s nice to just be here, just together, just as we are. It’s comforting. I love her..._

_Footsteps from the living room echo inside. “You guys still cuddling?” Zack asks. I can hear him make his way around the bed._

_She sighs against my chest. “Yeah?”_

_“Thought maybe you’d rock the boat, or something.” He chuckles, and the bed creaks as he sits down toward my side.  
_

_“Not today.” She lifts her head up just enough to see him. “What are you doing here?”_

_Just when I start to look over, I feel him spoon right on my other side, wrapping his arms snug around my waist. “Maybe I wanna cuddle Cloud,” he says, wiggling and kissing the back of my neck._

_She rolls her eyes. “Oh my God, Zack...”  
_

_I duck my head into her chest so I can smile to myself, even if she’s not incredibly amused. I love being surrounded by them, by all this affection...it’s not something I thought I’d ever really have. But, it’s warm, and I’m happy..._

_Tifa fidgets against me. “Sooooo, are you going to let us have our alone time, or what?”  
_

_“Aww...”_

_“Pouting isn’t going to work on me, you big puppy.”_

_He laughs. “Fine, fine.” He gives me one last kiss before he leaves, and shuts the door on the way out. And now, it’s quiet again..._

(C.)


	61. #72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 2/13/17

_I knock on Sephiroth’s door, and he answers immediately. He looks annoyed, just right at first…then it smooths out. Not who you expected, huh?_

_“What is it?” he asks._

_“Are you busy?” I ask right back._

_“It’s 9:30 on a Wednesday. No.”_

_Good. “What’s the highest you’ve ever seen Gen?”  
_

_He furrows his brow. Ah, I somehow forgot that they smoke together. Among other things. I need to rephrase this. “That you remember.”  
_

_This clears things up a little bit. “Usually he can’t move. Or he’s hallucinating. I don’t know which is worse.”_

_I jerk my head as a signal for him to follow me next door. “If he’s hallucinating, he’s still lucid. And on something stronger than just weed,” I say.  
_

_I kept his door open a crack, and we walk in. The smoke is a haze on the ceiling, and we follow the trail into his bedroom. I move over just enough so Seph can get a better view. “Behold,” I mutter._

[“Better run through the jungle…”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbI0cMyyw_M) _  
_

_Gen is out. And I mean_ out. _He’s flat out on the bed, a Creedence album on his turntable, and a blunt in his hand, elbow propped up to hold it. I’m amazed he_ can _hold it. There’s smoke lazily drooling out his nose, and his eyes are just slits. I don’t think he even knows we’re here. “Hey, man,” I say anyway. “Genesis?”_

_He doesn’t reply. Seph’s covering his mouth. “Shit,” he mutters. “This is the highest I’ve seen him while still being awake.” He studies him. “I…is he awake?”_

_“Yup. See?”  
_

_His eyelids twitch. I_ think _he looks at us. And he takes another hit…tries to, anyway. Goes through the motion. The ashtray beside him has five smouldering blunts in it. Good lord…I sigh and turn back around._

 _Seph doesn’t follow me right away as I go into the kitchen, and that’s all right. I pick up his phone and dial HQ. As expected, Tseng answers._ “Shinra HQ.”

_“Hey, it’s Angeal. Just a heads up--Genesis is likely not going to be in tomorrow.”_

“Is he…sick?”

 _“Well, I’ll say he’s_ bedridden, _and leave it at that.”_

 _Tseng sighs, very heavy. We both already know._ “All right. Thanks for letting me know.”

_“Yup. Night.”_

_When I hang up, Sephiroth has shut Gen’s door. “What an idiot,” he mutters, shaking his head. “Why does he get high like that?”  
_

_A pet peeve that I have with Sephiroth is that he acts like he isn’t in on this. He’s not squeaky clean, he doesn’t get to act holier-than-thou. So, I call him out. “Why do you?”  
_

_He looks genuinely insulted. “What makes you think I get this inebriated?”_

_“You don’t, but I_ know _you smoke.” I cross my arms. “So?”_

_He huffs and looks off, flicking his bangs as he does so. When he replies, his voice is low and a bit defeated. Like a scolded child. “It’s…a way to let go, I suppose,” he says. “To escape from…what we do.”_

_I nod. What I expected. “Yeah. It’s the same for him,” I reply. “Although, Gen’s been escaping from something or another for a hell of a long time. And this is the only way he knows how to do it.”_

_Sephiroth nods, then looks toward the door. And stares at it. These two have been so tangled up in each other for such a long time now, and they_ still _won’t admit it. I know Seph wants to go in and pull that blunt out of Gen’s hand, even if the damage has already been done. Just like I want to take that chest he keeps all his drugs in and toss it out onto the highway. It would never do any good. He always gets more._

 _He always_ wants _more. That’s how it’s always been, with him. And he’ll find a way, no matter what…_

_…Seph surprises me by opening the bedroom door again and walking in. I hear him mutter “give me that, you son of a bitch”. I chuckle to myself, and show myself out. Well, well. Maybe he can be honest._

_At least a little.  
_

(A.H.)


	62. #57 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> Original publish date: 10/15/16

_Shower sex really doesn’t do much for me. It’s hot, and it’s nice for some steamy foreplay, but when it comes right down to it, water isn’t slippery like lube is, and that’s a downer. Still doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.  
_

_Oh, and I’m having some fun..._

_Like teenagers who don’t know any better, my hand’s lubed up with conditioner, hot water beating on my back. I’ve got one finger up his ass, and just the pressure of it has him moaning, moaning. I’ve been reaching around to stroke him, but I’m clumsy, and he shakily brushes my hand away. “‘Ss’okay, I got it..._ nmmmn, oohh...”

_I grin against his back and kiss its broad landscape, steady with my hand. I only hear him make this much noise when we do something like this. “I bet Cloud gets a treat hearing you like this,” I murmur.  
_

_“H-huh? Oo-oh,_ mmn, _yeah...”  
_

_“He’s probably a little bigger than just a finger, though.”_

“Mmn.. _.we h-haven’t done that yet...”_

_“What? Really?” I pause for a moment, and doing so pushes me out, so I just cup his ass. God damn, he has a great ass. That’s what a hundred squats every morning will get you. “But I thought you’d already...”_

_“Yeah, but not the other way around,” he pants, craning his neck to look back at me. “Haven’t..._ haah, _haven’t gotten to it.”_

_“What a shame.”  
_

_“I mean, I’ve let him finger me...but he’s still shy about this shit, y’know?”_

_“Yeah, that sounds right.” I stroke the curve of his ass and wrap my other arm around his stomach. “Well, you ought to let him return the favor. I think he’d get a charge out of it.”_

_He snickers. “Yeah, I know.”_

_“Then, maybe when he’s warmed up, we can do something together. Put you in the middle?” I have some extra conditioner in the palm of my hand, and I lube my finger again.  
_

_“Mm, yeah that might be--_ oooohhhh...”

_He sighs long and loud as I push into him. Yeah, that would be fun, wouldn’t it be? He could sit in my lap and I’d finger him just like this, with Cloud on his lap...or maybe the other way around, Cloud inside him and him inside me...oh, I could go on and on.  
_

“Haah, nnn _...baby...”_

_I pick up my pace and smile to myself. It’d be neat if we could get even the four of us all in one bed. I think Tifa’s...slowly warming up to him. They’re a little friendlier out of the house, and she’s starting to let his show-off comments wash off her back. We’re all dating each other, but we’re not all coupled up…still, I want us to have moments like these together..._

_Some intimacy..._

_That’d be good._

_“Ohh, oh_ fuck, _babe, I’m...I’m gonna come...”_

_I say nothing, simply pick up my pace as his moans get louder and louder..._

(A.) _  
_


	63. #54 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> Original publish date: 10/3/16

_I can’t believe I’m tied to a fucking desk today. Zack is on vacation, Angeal is doing some training, and Gen…took the day off, for some reason? I should have dragged his ass in anyway. “Called in sick,” sure, more like “too high to function.”  
_

_I file through some papers before the intercom on my phone rings. “Cetra, you’ve got a call on line 1.”_

_A call for me? This is the SOLDIER main office, it’s probably someone who wants me to visit their shitty backwater town. Pull in all the recruits you can get, you know...I sigh and pick up the phone, balancing the receiver on my shoulder. “SOLDIER head office, Sephiroth speaking.”_

_There’s a pause. Then, a raspy whisper._ “Hey, Seph.”

_I freeze in the middle of filing. What...the hell? I think it’s Gen, who else would it be? But I want to be sure. “Who is this?”  
_

_A cough, then a clear of his throat._ “You know who it is.”

 _I huff through my nose, then get up to make sure the door to the office is shut, stretching the cord as taut as it will go. “Genesis, what the_ fuck,” _I mutter.  
_

“You’re bored doing paperwork, hm?” _There’s a lilt in his voice. He has to be still high from the night before. He’s probably smoking now. Bastard, bastard!_ “Shame you can’t…take a break.”

 _I rarely hear_ this _voice when I’m sober. But, I can feel my body respond to it anyway as I sit back down, feeling heat at the back of my neck. “Is that what this is supposed to be?”_

“Maybe.” _He giggles, but composes himself remarkably quickly._ “Listen, listen…fuck, haven’t you ever thought of getting fucked on one of those desks?”

_“No.”  
_

“Well, think about it now.” _His voice dives deeper, as if he’s whispering right into my ear. What are you even on?_ “Think about me throwing you on that thing and sucking you off, I cover your mouth so you don’t make any of those moans, and you claw my back to keep it in--”

_“Gen, you’re fucking dead if anyone’s listening in.”_

“Or maybe you’d want something a little more dangerous~?” _He’s on a roll, and I can’t get a word in to stop him, Jesus Christ. I stare down at the desk with wide eyes, unable to move._ “That little closet that’s right off the 1sts training grounds. I’ve always wanted to rope you in there after we spar, cramped and sweaty and still half in uniform... _mmn...”_

_I readjust my death grip on the receiver. “Are...are you...”_

“What? You wanna know? You wanna take your lunch break and come gimme some?” _He moans a little again and now I know, now I know he’s touching himself. “Mmn,_ Sephiroth...~”

_I growl. “I’m hanging up.”_

_I don’t let him get another word in before I slam the phone down. God Christ, what a jackoff. Thinks he can take the day off to get high (or something more --that_ had _to have been something stronger to make him pull a stunt like this) just to fucking...ugh. Now I can’t wait until he comes back so I can tear him apart in the training room.  
_

_And the worse part about this is that…whatever he was going for, it worked. It fucking worked. I’ll have to take my break in the fucking bathroom to take care of this, _because I can’t get his voice out of my head…_  
_

(S.) _  
_


	64. #17 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> Original publish date: 5/3/16

_I didn't know there was a storage closet around here. He really knows his way around this place…_

_Oh, who am I kidding, that doesn't even matter. What_  does  _matter is how he's fucking me with his hand right now and holy holy mother of God--!_

_The instant I make a sound, though, he's got his hand over my mouth, stifling it and making my breathing even hotter and faster. "Easy, easy baby," he murmurs. God, his voice is like silk, so deep and low and I melt I melt I fucking melt. "Don't want to get caught…"_

_No, no I don't, but he's gripping me so hard and my knees want to buckle and I fucking want to scream but I can't, he holds them back holds them in and I can taste the tang of sweat in his palm. I bite at it, lick at it._

_He hovers right over me and picks up his pace, and he's shuddering a little too. I crack my eyes open, and he's staring right at me, his eyes are as intense as I've ever seen them, like he could devour me, devour me, and he bites his lip like he wants to…but fuck, fuck if I can't keep quiet, and he grips my face harder, harder, but it's like cupping water with your hands--_

"Nnn…nnn…" _I'm whimpering and I want to come, I want it I want it keep fucking me Zack God god please PLEASE--_

_The rush happens all at once, and it's so hard, hard and intense. I bite his hand, and he hushes me at the same time, "shhhh" like the fizzle of steam. He lets go of my cock first, cupping his hand carefully, and then my mouth, a string of drool hanging off it. He shakes that hand off, and there's that smirk. "Damn, you're so hot," he mutters, although he takes a closer look at my face, tracing gently against my cheek. "I, uh…hope that doesn't stay…"_

_"Wh-what?" Even when I speak, it's high-pitched and whiny still, and I struggle to shove myself back into my uniform, stickiness on my hands._

_"I think I held you a little_ too _hard," he says. He kisses my face in several places along my cheek, at my chin, and finally my mouth, where he lingers. "Should clear up."_

_He straightens up, but I pull him back down. "Kiss me again," I breathe, and he does…_

(C.)


	65. #60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 10/17/16

_He’s been in the bedroom practicing guitar most of the afternoon. Cloud and Tifa are out getting groceries, and I’m doing crossword puzzles. Yeah, this is adult life. I tap the pencil against my lips. Let’s see, a seven letter word for a “precious metal”, ending with a “T” in the middle…_

_Zack’s whistling draws my attention. He still has his headphones on, slapping his hips to the rhythm inside his own head. He’s on a mission, heading to the kitchen, but I can’t help but watch, and...oh._

_Those headphones are_ all _that he’s wearing._

_I fold up the crossword and skip over behind him, holding him around the waist. “Hey,” I say, kissing his back._

_“Oh, hey.” He mostly ignores me, rummaging through the cupboards as I cling onto him._

_“You’re naked,” I state. “You’re_ still _naked. God, Tifa and Cloud are going to get back soon...”_

_“Yeah?” This doesn’t phase him. “Babe, do we have any snack food?”_

_“Top shelf.” I start rubbing my hands all over his chest, through his hips, and keep kissing his back. I’m not really in the mood to start anything, but I just…want to touch him. “I’m going to rub you.”_

_“Ahhh...” he chuckles, and his pace is slowed as I keep my hands moving on his body. He’s so strong, and tall, and handsome…and I’ll never pass up an opportunity to touch him all over. Of course, I reach down and squeeze his ass, and he yelps, which is really cute.  
_

_He manages to pull down a bag of corn chips and spins around, but I cling tight. “Hey, hey, whatcha doin’?” he says.  
_

_“Rubbing you.”  
_

_“Yeah, I can tell...” He opens the bag with a little too much force, and a couple stray chips fly out the top. When he bends over to pick him up, I run my hands up his thighs to his ass, and he jumps again. “Ack, be careful--!” he exclaims, then turns toward me with some mix of a pout and a grin. “You little...”_

_I put on my best “who, me?” face, but I also hear the locks of the door click. I grab him by the hips and position him in front of the kitchen table. God, why is he so tall? Luckily, there are some cereal boxes on it, which should hide his junk, at least immediately..._

_...And at any rate, Cloud enters first, arms full with grocery bags. “Hey,” he says, not quite paying attention as he strides through.  
_

_He’s carrying most of them, as Tifa only has one. “Hi, guys,” she says. “I can’t believe you carried that all the way back...”_

_“Hey, that’s SOLDIER for you,” Zack chuckles. He tries to move to sneak a kiss on Cloud, but I hold him in place. Unaware puppy..._

_Cloud shakes his hands out after setting down the grocery bags, then immediately looks Zack over, red creeping into his ears. “Why are you...?” he asks._

_“Huh? Oh.” He shrugs and chuckles sheepishly. “Never got dressed, I guess?”_

_“Oh my_ God,” _I hear Tifa groan. “Put some clothes on!”_

_“What, it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked! We’re all friends here!” Again, he tries to step out--and this time, he does so abruptly so he slips away from me. I snort and cover my mouth, sharing a look with Cloud. Yes, this is our boyfriend._

_I only spot Tifa’s eyes flick down for a split second before she stares pointedly at his face with arms crossed. “Well, you could have some decency!” she complains._

_“You don’t complain when Aerith’s naked,” he retorts, pointing and making his way around to the bedroom. “Or when we’re all--”_

_“Yeah, well, that’s different!” she says, cutting him off. “It isn’t suddenly...i-it isn’t like this!”  
_

_Zack only laughs. “Fine, fine! But this is my apartment--you can hang out naked too, if you want!”_

_“I don’t! Want to!_ God!” _She rushes over to the table and begins to sort through the groceries, continually glancing between me and Cloud. “What? What are you guys laughing about?”  
_

_Cloud’s got that small smile on his face, the one he uses when he’s endeared by one or the other--and I’ve been seeing it a lot more now. It’s cute, and it’s good. “Nothing, Ti,” he mutters, brushing her arm as he reaches into the same back. “Come on, the freezer stuff’s going to melt...”_

(A.)


	66. #73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 2/23/17
> 
> In-universe time: During [TAM chapter 60.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/22169342)

_Holy smokes._

_I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. When I went in and grabbed his ass, I thought it was Aerith. I know those shorts anywhere. But I also know that_ ass _anywhere, and it was…wow. I know Cloud’s pretty…I think I’ve always thought so? Haven’t I? But…damn.  
_

_With those shorts, and that face…all that makeup. He looks gorgeous.  
_

_So why am I in here? I need a breather. Because he…he looked terrified. I felt like anything that was going to come out of my mouth would’ve made it worse. He’s got that anxiety, worse than I’ve ever seen…but, I’ve seen him wear makeup before. Aerith’s probably been coaxing him into it more and more, but…not the full get-up. Like…does he want to be a girl?_

_I can hear them all talking from the other room, and I tune in. “…sometimes I’m a girl, and sometimes I’m a guy…” I hear him say. So, that’s how it is, huh? That’s all right…_

_I run the faucet and splash ice cold water on my burning face. If something like this happened to me, oh, I dunno…five or six years ago? I probably would’ve reacted pretty differently…but hey, five or six years ago was way before I even thought about being into guys, way before Cloud came around…_

_Christ, I’d do anything for him. Or her. Whatever he wants to be.  
_

_I wipe a towel down my face, then freeze. Oh shit. He’s probably expecting the worst since I just…bolted out of there. Damn it, Zack! I gotta go back out there and hug him. Give that cute ass another squeeze. No, no, not yet, just…let him know that I’m always gonna be there for him. Always. Wipe that anxiety out of his eyes…_

(Z.)


	67. #24 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> Original publish date: 5/27/16

_After her, making love with him is a completely different pace._

_Time is hazy, but it feels like it’s been forever and we only just managed to get all of our clothes off. He takes me into his lap and holds me, holds me there, breathing into my neck. His hands dance down my spine--slow, unsteady. But it’s him, it’s so very him, and even just his aura is soothing and warm, even if his hands tremble._

_He kisses my neck. Once, then twice. I sigh as he breathes into my ear, and hug him closer, my own hands around his shoulders and back. Even though he’s gained more muscle after making SOLDIER, he’s still as thin as he’s always been. His hands wander around to my sides, before he grips me and hugs me close once again.  
_

_“Hhn...Ti,” he breathes. His voice wavers, the line of anxiety and anticipation blurred. “I love you.”_

_He tilts his head to kiss me, his lips chapped and bitten all to hell, but every kiss is deep and honest. “I love you,” he says again, and bookends it with another kiss. He takes one hand off my side and uses it to cup my face, then comb it back through my hair. My hands itch, and every time he shifts and brushes against my crotch, my thighs twitch and ache. He’s teasing me, and he doesn’t even realize it, I bet..._

_But...maybe he does..._

_Because he takes the hand he’s been moving around and runs it down my chest--over my collarbone, over my breasts, down through my stomach and then to my center, and he pauses there_

_finger’s curling over, right at my opening,_

_and his cyan blue eyes, different than when we grew up, but still his, meet mine. “C-can...can I...” he starts._

_“Yeah, it’s okay,” I whisper back to him, kissing his cheek. I adjust my arms so they’re around his shoulders, and just as I do so,_

_he slips in, and flicks_

_up_

_and I gasp, I gasp loud, and hide my face in his neck. His touch is gentle, but persistent, and that persistence is what floods heat from my thighs to my core, all the way up to my head. He suddenly grips my back as he goes faster, and I’m beginning to pant and moan..._

_I need to be quiet, Marlene is sleeping..._

_But I manage to find his ear, murmur “Cloud” right into it,_

_and he shudders..._

(T.)


	68. #65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 1/17/17

_The music’s cranking from his apartment, and I’m not there. Shoegaze bullshit, too. So that’s a little unusual to begin with. I have one day off, to have some peace, and of course he has to…_

_I bang on the door, and to my surprise, he answers promptly. There’s a mixing spatula in his hand. “What?” he asks._

_There’s flour on his shirt and on his sweatpants, and he has a red bandana on to keep his bangs away from his face. But, he doesn’t seem stoned, so I’ll give this…”look” a pass. Or maybe I shouldn’t. “Can you turn that down?” I say. I nearly have to shout it.  
_

_He rolls his eyes. “Fine.”_

“When I’m printed on your wall, [my face won’t change at all,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aFh4oTmIio)  
The smile beneath my hair hangs lifeless in the air…”

_It’s still pretty loud, but now I can hear myself think. “What are you even doing?”  
_

_I didn’t expect to come in, but I couldn’t help but follow him as he wandered back into his small kitchen. There’s barely enough room for me to stand in the doorway while he returns to the counter. There’s a mixing bowl there, flour and sugar sprawled out, and he gives the batter he’s making another mix. “Baking,” he mutters.  
_

“Actually _baking?” I’m shocked. “I thought you just made your shit with a box.”_

_He snorts and shakes his head. “Nah. Doesn’t taste right. Besides, most mixes don’t use butter, and I have to.” There’s a block of unused butter in plastic wrap still on the counter. My instinct tells me it’s butter, even though it’s green with flecks.  
_

_“Uh-huh.” I cross my arms and scowl. I came over here and into his place, the least he could do is pay attention to me. “I honestly didn’t think you could cook at all.”  
_

_“Dude, I grew up with Angeal,” he says. “I know I was stoned out of my mind as a teenager, but I picked up_ something.” _  
_

_He pushes me out of the way so he can get at the cookie sheet behind me. Cookies instead of brownies? There’s no hiding the weed with that. Then again, I don’t think he really cares enough to want to. He hurls wads of the cookie dough onto the sheet until it’s full, then nearly throws it in the oven. “Clean up sucks, though,” he mutters, staring at the sink full of dishes. Then, he looks up at me with a spark in his eyes. “Wanna do ‘em?”_

_I curl my lip. “I did not come here to be your fucking dishwasher.”  
_

_He smirks and stands nearly close enough for our chests to be touching. “I’ll let you take some of these babies home,” he bargains. “I’ve even got a clean batch. Let your mom have some or whatever.”  
_

_I glance over the counter--sure enough, there is a separate bowl that looks mixed. Unfortunately, I know he didn’t make it just to bribe me. I couldn’t believe that he’d make something not weed infused out of the goodness of his heart. As I squint back down at him, it dawns on me that they might be for Angeal, who doesn’t participate in his stoner shenanigans.  
_

_…Like me. Apparently._

_He’s still got that shit-eating grin on his face like he’s got me. “Well?”  
_

_I hold firm, because I know him. “You’d do that anyway.”_

_He scrunches his mouth to the side as he thinks. God, have I ever seen him wear a bandana? Maybe in Wutai. The way his bangs are sticking out of the top make it look ridiculous. But, I don’t get to think about it too much, because now he has an idea. “You could stay the night,” he suggests. “Get high with me.”_

_I sigh. Because I’d probably do that anyway, too._

(S.)


	69. #67 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> Original publish date: 1/31/17

_Usually, he’s the one making me whine, but tonight…_

_It’s dark in the bedroom, and I’m lying on top of him, both hands working to hear him make noise. Ti and Aerith are just in the living room, and it’s late, so we’re trying to be quiet…I don’t think it’s working…_

_“Hnn, nnn…C-Cloud, Cloud…” He whispers, but it’s moaning, it’s lilting, and oh God, it makes me weak. I finger him deeper and he gasps, the sheets shuffling beneath his hand as he grips them, grips them. Suddenly, he has his hands on my hips, digging in. He pants and tries to kiss at my neck, bite at it, anything, but he can’t reach…his hot breath in my ear is just…_

_“Hey, hey,” he mutters, swallowing hard. “G-go down on me, I wanna…I wanna feel that hot mouth of yours…”_

_Christ! My heart leaps right into my throat, but it doesn’t stop me from dipping down over his face. I can do this too… “W-well, it’s right here,” I breathe._

_He smiles, that gorgeous smile, and then he kisses me, hot and hungry. His tongue goes in my mouth, and I’m lost in it…I think I let out a couple moans myself, I’m not sure…I just wanna feel him, I wanna taste him…I keep stroking his cock as I grind against his leg, I’m hard as ever…_

_If someone would’ve told me six months ago this is where I’d be, there’s no way I would’ve believed it…_

_I try to break away, to go down on him, but now he’s got his hands around my back, and he pushes me away, spreads my legs. “Fuck,” he mutters, immediately taking me in his hand and oh, oh, I shudder immediately. “You…”_

_He licks his lips before sprawling down and licking the tip of my dick. It’s a tease, a tease, before he puts his whole mouth on it…fuck, I can barely see, but I can only see one hand out, the other one is down and out of sight…I tilt my head back and close my eyes. He feels warm, especially when he runs his tongue up the back, when he sucks me, a-ahh…I can feel him moan a little too on me, he has to be touching himself…_

_“You like that?” he asks, mouth still close. He strokes the inside of my thighs, right along to my ass. “Hnn…”_

_“H-hey, I thought…I thought I was gonna…” It’s so hard to talk, I’m out of breath without even doing anything. “I thought I was going to go down on you…”_

_He licks me lazily. “Hey, I ain’t gonna say no to that,” he says with a chuckle. “Just got a little excited…I love hearin’ you, babe…”_

_You always get excited, Zack…I reach out to run my hand through his thick, black hair while I try and sit up. I thought he might try and pin me back down, start sucking me again, but instead he sits up on his knees--long, chiseled torso in full display. I bite my lip, and suddenly have more strength to get up myself.  
_

_I crawl over so our chests our flush, and we kiss again, hot and needy. I don’t know who’s going to get taken care of first tonight, but as long as we’re together, as long as we feel good…who cares?_

(C.)


	70. #74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 3/22/17

_Lazy Sunday. It’s about time I vacuumed the place. I have to crank the stereo in order to hear anything. No one’s on the couch for once--Cloud’s out with Tifa, and who knows where the puppy is…it’s amazing how you can still lose someone in such a tiny apartment. I run the hand vacuum over the cushions, under them…ooh, there’s that crack we put in it. Poor thing. I pat it, as if it could be soothed. One day…_

_I shut it off, and Michael Jackson is blaring. I rush to turn it down a bit, but I can hear someone singing along from the shower._ [“I just can’t stop loving you~!” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPSS0B1iemQ) _  
_

_I giggle. My rockstar is a little off key, but it’s all right. I dust off my hands and put the hand vacuum away in the broom closet. I think I’m going to need a shower pretty soon. I won’t let anyone say I don’t work hard, especially since I already was at the church this morning…_

_I turn to make my way to the bathroom, but Zack has burst out with a towel around his waist, still singing._ “And if I stop--oh, then tell me just what will I do?” _He’s still singing, and grinning. Water dripping off him, did he even use that towel? What a dork…and of course, I just stand there while he whirls his way over, takes me in his arms…_

 _The heat’s wafting off him, humid from the shower, and he smells clean. “I just can’t stop loving you,” he continues to croon, ducking his head down so he can balance his forehead against mine._ “I just can’t stop loving you…”

_My arms lace around his shoulders, and we slow dance in the middle of our tiny living room. I love these little moments, I love his singing, I love his goofiness, I love him…_

_I love him…_

_We kiss, and his lips are so warm…_

(A.)


	71. #86 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> Original publish date: 5/27/17

_You know what this motherfucker loves? Being fuckin’ worshiped. When he got stuck with mako, got his eyes changed from seafoam to electricity, I didn’t think he’d be on board with the ruined god shtick. But, he is. And on another level.  
_

_He’s high as fuck and admiring himself in the floor length mirror in the bedroom. I mean, who wouldn’t--he’s got a hot body, and he takes care of it, unlike me. Look at him, touching himself…it’s like he doesn’t know I’m even here.  
_

_Me? I’m pretty blazed too, dragging myself on the floor. Getting up is way too hard, are you kidding me? It’s lucky I’m even moving. Reminds me of when Angeal would drag me from the orchard to school. If I move right, I can get on my knees…yeah, that’s easier than trying to crabwalk my ass, who’d of thunk…  
_

_As I enter, he glances down at me and huffs. “Come to grovel at my feet?” he says. It doesn’t have that sharpness or command to it as he is, but it is a soupy drawl and…Christ, it’s hot. I swear his dick twitches when he says it too…_

_I shake my head, and try to drag myself to the bed, just to use it for leverage. One hand on top, then the other…I’m distracted by him preening again, and I drape my upper body on the mattress. “You mother_ fucker,” _I mumble.  
_

 _“Hardly.” He smooths his hair back, then twists his torso to glance back at me. It’s judging, I can tell. It’s that “me, a God, has this_ thing _in my presence” look. Listen, I’m your weed guy, your former commanding officer, before you took Shinra by storm, so you could stand to give me a little respect…_

_After all, I ascended to godhood long before you…_

_“What?” he asks._

_Shit. How much of that did I say out loud? Whatever. I manage to make it to my feet. “Nothin’,” I say, stumbling over. These…legs don’t work right, but they’ll do when I can’t fly. Heh, fly…oh, I’m flying all right…_

_“You think…you think you’re such hot shit,” I slur, smirking at him. He frowns. Perfect. “I can’t get down on my knees every fuckin’ time you breathe.”  
_

_“Why_ not?” _he replies. Did I mention this man is fucking sculpted? When did I take his clothes off tonight? Maybe he did that on his own. I’m only half naked myself._

_I want to touch him. I bring my arm up and smear my hand down his chest. “You could stand to give me a little something every once in a while,” I say, eyeing his collarbone. “You know…”_

_He stares at me. I stare back at him.[There’s a guitar solo wailing behind us](http://reckless-tunes.tumblr.com/post/161208442495/lets-make-the-best-of-the-situation-before-i), and I think that’s what’s holding him up. Or maybe it’s because we’re so fucking high that time isn’t real anymore. That’s…that’s probably it. Fuck…_

_I tilt my head, so slow, lips parted, and stroke the side of his neck. He comes back to me. He’s into it, of course he’s into it. This bastard’s into anything when you get him inebriated enough. Who cares if it’s queer, if someone’s giving him the attention he wants, he_ craves _\--who fucking cares?_

 _But in an instant, faster than I can even think, he drops down to his knees, bracing my ass to hold him steady. “Wha--?” I exclaim, glancing down. He rips down my boxer briefs, and holy fuck, fuck,_ fuck, _that’s his mouth on my cock and_ ahhhhhhhhhhh…

_I clap my hand over my mouth and stagger backwards, hitting the edge of the bed, but he holds onto me, going down on me harder than I can ever remember. It’s hot and wet and slick and God Christ it feels good, so fucking good, I can feel everything…_

_…I grab a fistful of his hair, his long bangs so I can watch him work that hot tongue…_

(G.) _  
_


	72. #69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 2/6/17

_Aerith’s over at Ti’s tonight. So, Zack and I have the house to ourselves. Course, the first thing he asks me is if we want to “do anything”…I had a long day today, and I’ve got some reading to do…real dry stuff. So I said no. He gave me a kiss, and I left him on the bed while I got my things._

_There’s a lot of stuff to handle, getting up to 1st…plus all the extra reading material I didn’t get when I skipped right onto 2nd. I’ll probably stick around this rank for a while…even the accelerated program is six-months, and most don’t pass it their first try. Zack said it took him a year to go from 2nd to 1st, and it was because he busted his ass…_

_Mm…_

_This is so boring…_

_I glance back--the bathroom door is shut. It’s pretty quiet here…I’m almost tempted to turn on the TV for some background noise. No, it’ll be too distracting, and then I really won’t be able to focus. The radio? It’s a little late, when all the talk shows start…that “Delilah” crap, where people call in to talk about their problems, then she picks out some song for them. Seems a little heavy handed, if you ask me.  
_

_Then again…it’d be kinda cute. Then again, being on live radio like that…sheesh. I dunno if I’d be able to get anything out. I’d probably just hang up.  
_

_I fidget and sit up again. Bathroom door’s still closed. How long has it been? I crane over the couch and wrap my arm around the back. “Hey, you okay in there Z--”_

_Before I can even finish, the_ bedroom _door swings open, and there he is, ass-naked, holding his crotch as he swings around into the bathroom and immediately shuts the door. “I’m good!” he calls back._

_I blink. “Wh…what?” So, he was…oh. Right. “I thought you were in the bathroom…”_

_“Huh? Oh, no!” He laughs. “I was just…takin’ care of something. That’s all!”  
_

_Taking care of something is right. I snort and shake my head. Guess it’s nice that he’s not afraid to…do that himself if I don’t want to. I hear the faucet start to run, then the shower. “I thought you were reading!” he calls. “You weren’t supposed to see that…”_

_I laugh and get up, wandering right outside the door. “Yeah, well…I did.”  
_

_“I’ll be out in a minute. Unless you wanna join?”_

_“Nah.” I smile to myself and run my hand down the door. “Meet me out on the couch.”_

_“You’ve got it, babe.”_

_I shuffle back and pick up my book again. Although, with the promise of him coming out to join me soon, I’m even less inclined to try and concentrate…_

(C.)


	73. #3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I posted this, the tags on it were: "Don't know if I'll do anything with this yet". [Looks like I did.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/23314454)
> 
> Original publish date: 3/24/16

_I...really want to go home. I didn’t realize taking care of the sick took so much out of you, but...it does. I’m doing my best. I’m glad that I’m helping people, but we’re only prolonging the inevitable. AIDS doesn’t have a cure.  
_

_The church is helping with the effort, and we get medication shipped over here about once a week. I don’t know the numbers behind it, I just make sure everyone gets what they need. I unload the box and begin shuffling through the aisles, handing bottles to the volunteers. We’ve made little cubicles with scrap wood and blankets for privacy, but I can still see so many gaunt faces. So many of these people are just...wasting away, some with their loved ones, and some alone.  
_

_After this, I can go home, and Zack will have that sunny smile, and I’ll feel better but..._

_Oh?_

_The last stretcher in the row doesn’t have one of the church hands. Instead, it’s--”Angeal?” I ask, almost fumbling the bottles out of my hands._

_He’s as surprised as I am. “Aerith...you work here?”  
_

_“I’m just a volunteer.” He doesn’t look sick, he definitely doesn’t look like the others...he’s strong, a poster boy for SOLDIER. He’s even wearing a military t-shirt. “But...why are you here?”_

_“I’m picking up some medication,” he says with a thin smile._

_“For...”_

_“For me.” He sighs, and it raises his shoulders up and down. He fingers through the bottles in my arms and picks through the labels. “Ah...yup, these two. Just ran out.”  
_

_“I didn’t...” I’m still flabbergasted. I would have never guessed that he was positive. Sure, he doesn’t have the energy that Zack does, but...still. He raises his eyebrow, the same look he gives him sometimes when he’s gone off on a limb, and I shake my head, shutting my mouth. “I-I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t be,” he replies, cool as ever. “It’s been...well, a while now. Doctors said if I keep up with this, I might get another five or ten years ahead. Having a little mako in me doesn’t hurt, either.” He chuckles, dry.  
_

_“Angeal...”_

_“At any rate, I need to stick around for a little longer. Make sure I can help some dreams come true.” He looks right at me, and I can see the heavy dark circles under his eyes. His hair is thinner than it used to be, isn’t it? Or am I just imagining things, now that I know? “I already got one crossed off, now that Zack’s 1st class. Once Seph’s band gets off the ground, then I’ll know I’ve done my job.”_

_“You shouldn’t talk like that,” I say, finally setting down the armful of bottles onto the bed. He still has this thin, humorless smile on his face, reeking of resignation. “There’s always another way.”_

_“Sorry, but I don’t want to be an experiment,” he says sharply, then shakes his head. “Forget that. I know...what I’m in for. I’ve made peace with it.”_

_Have you? The thought of it turns my stomach. “Listen, don’t mention this to Zack, okay?” he says. “I don’t need him worrying about me.”_

_“What, and then let him know when it’s too late?” I say, too quickly. I regret it the instant it comes out of my mouth._

_He cocks his head, then shakes it. “Whatever’s easiest,” he mutters._

_Whatever’s easiest, huh? For you, or for him?  
_

(A.)


	74. #76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/11/16

_The church is empty. It’s hollow. Everyone’s left except for the old lady upstairs, but he can’t leave. She said it’s too dangerous to move him at this stage.  
_

_He’s so tired. His face is gaunt, haunted. I can see it so clearly. I haven’t left here since this morning. Zack came and went, so did his girlfriend, and Seph too, but I’ve stayed. I just...I get the feeling...it’s not going to be too much longer._

_I hate this._

_I don’t want to be sober. But I am._

_He stirs, and I know because he pats my hand that’s been on the edge of his cot. “What the hell are you still doing here?” he croaks, coughing. “Go home.”_

_“No,” I reply. “I’m not. I’m staying.”_

_He snickers. “Surprised...the old lady didn’t kick you out already.” Every breath he takes wheezes, like it’s an effort to speak, an effort to do anything. You deteriorated so quickly, and so suddenly. Did the mako in you just give out? Did the fucking disease those bastards put in you and me just eat it up? Fucking Christ.  
_

_It’s hard to look at him without my chest aching. I haven’t felt an ache like this in fucking years. I thought I was over it. “I’m not leaving,” I reiterate. You never left me, Ange. Even though I’m an asshole, playing with everything I can get my hands on, from drugs to booze to music to people. Even though I pushed you, I pushed you so often and so hard, and you never budged, good for you..._

_I asked you for so much that you could never give me, and yet you still gave me all that you had. Damn it._

_I’m shaking, I’m fucking shaking. “Hey,” he says. “Stop that.”_

_“Fates are c-cruel...” LOVELESS burns in my head. “There...there are no dreams, no honor remains...”_

_“Ugh, now stop_ that. _The last thing I wanna hear from you is you quoting that stupid fucking book.”_

_You smartass, you’ve always been like this. “You’re not supposed to go,” I stammer. “I love you, please...d-don’t go...”_

_The words are out before I can think about them, and no matter how true they are, I regret, I regret even spitting them out, because God Christ that’s not...that’s just...not what I can have. Not from him. And here I am, fucking asking him for more as he’s fucking dying.  
_

_I’m a selfish bastard. I always have been.  
_

_And still, even still, he uses what strength he has to put a hand on my head, running down my hair and dropping back down to the bed._

_I never fucking deserved you._

(G.)


	75. #77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 8/2/16

_“AIDS?”  
_

_He coughs in the cot, surrounded by a curtain. “Yeah,” he croaks. “It finally caught up to me...”_

_Oddly enough, I feel calm, even as he lying here, starting to wither away. He’s dying and he knows it. He told us he was being dispatched for an undisclosed amount of time, but...Gen knew better. He weaseled around and found out. He told me the official records said: “Angeal Hewley is on a leave of absence.”  
_

_So, this is why._

_“How long?” I mutter._

_“How long have I got, or how long have I known?” he replies.  
_

_I don’t answer this. How can you be so flippant?_

_So, he answers both. “I’ve been positive since I was a 2nd.” He coughs again. It’s remarkable how quickly he’s deteriorated since I last saw him in uniform. His muscle mass has halved in that time, and his eyes lack the brilliance that mako will give them. “Did Gen ever tell you?”  
_

_“Tell me what?”  
_

_“About what happened to us then.”_

_I straighten up. What happened to them when they were 2nds. “You were experimented on,” I reply. I strain for details, but there are none. He’s only told me the ordeal once, but it was when we were on a trip, and a potent one at that. It was spaced with hallucinations and recitations of LOVELESS, among other things.  
_

_He coughs again. “Didn’t tell you what for, though,” he says with a rattling sigh. “Sure, Shinra was looking for a cure, but they weren’t afraid to use their own to look for one. Maybe they just wanted to cycle us out early, who the hell knows.”  
_

_His eyes are heavy as he stares at the ceiling. “Figured it out when we had more bloodwork done before we made 1st. ‘Don’t worry about it now’, they said, ‘we’ll have more medication’, they said, ‘we’ll cure you’, they said.” He coughs again and winces. “Surprised I lasted this long...”_

_“We”, he keeps saying “we”, and my hands clasp together in a white knuckled grip. “So, Gen too.” I say, so quietly I can barely hear myself.  
_

_He nods. “It’s funny. He’s been getting shit from the lab under the table to keep himself afloat, and here I try to keep it in check the right way, and I’m the one who’s here.” He chuckles, a wheezing sound that rides right into another cough. “Speaking of which...you should get yourself...checked out, too.”  
_

_“Why?”  
_

_“It’s an STD under most circumstances.”  
_

_He gives me a long look, and I don’t even have it in me to protest. “Fine,” I mutter. “I will.”_

_“Hojo is gone, so...you shouldn’t have much to worry about.” His voice is dropping, as if it’s exhausting just to speak, and his eyes are starting to close. He’s right--that Crescent woman is now the head of science, a much more sympathetic figure than the monster that was Dr. Hojo. The one who allowed this to happen to them..._

_To us..._

_He didn’t answer the other part of my ambiguous question. I unlock my hands and run one back through my hair. “Angeal...”  
_

_But, he’s fallen asleep._

(S.)


	76. #75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 4/12/17
> 
> In-universe time: fall 1997, on the coattails of [TAM chapter 70.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6380188/chapters/23466102)

_“Don’t put this on my record,” I say, grinding my teeth, “but_ fuck _Genesis, honestly…”_

_To my surprise, Tseng chuckles. “No, no, I’m of the same opinion,” he replies. At the same time, he pulls something out of his ear and tucks it away in his coat pocket. “I’ve got more than a few stories about him…”_

_We’re really going off the books, huh? Better make the most of it. “Like what?”  
_

_He huffs. He knows things. He’s a Turk, so duh. But, he’s also been here for a hell of a long time. And even though he looks practically the same age as the rest of the 1sts, I know he’s in his 40′s. “Oh, there was that time when he almost killed a 3rd for back-talking him. Nearly sliced his hand off in a one-on-one duel.”_

“What?!”

_“And that time when he went out alone at the end of Wutai, stoned as ever, trying to take on an army himself. Hewley had to bail him out of that one, but I suppose he did well enough…”_

_That sounds a lot like what Sephiroth did, back in the day. What Seph’s famous for. Sure enough… “I remember what he said to us then,” he sighs. “‘Oh sure, Sephiroth does the same thing, and he gets crowned a hero…’“_

_“Gee whiz,” I chuckle. “So what’s his claim to fame, anyway? Why do you keep him around? I mean, I know he trained Seph…”_

_“He sure did. Somehow, Cetra came out mostly well-adjusted. He is proud, and demanding, but certainly not like Rhapsodos.”  
_

_We walk up above the plate. The sun’s already set, and there’s a breeze blowing through. Makes me wish I brought my jacket. “No, Genesis has done…_ some _good things. He will be the one we go to when the means achieve the ends. He’s dangerous.” He glances over to me, and I see his eyes drop to my cheek, to my scar. “You know that.”_

_Yup.  
_

_He continues. “Early in Wutai, Reno and Rude were out spying. They did something careless, and they were caught. They said they had barely been handcuffed and gagged when Rhapsodos showed up, blood dripping from his sword. He set them free, and there was no resistance going back.” His nose wrinkles. “It was gruesome.”_

_Fuck. I shove my hands in my pockets. That’s pretty extreme, but…why’d I expect anything less?  
_

_“Genesis Rhapsodos is a wild card, and an enormous risk, and nothing has changed in his decade of service,” Tseng states. “He’s unstable, and he knows it. He’s dangerous, and he knows it. He’s selfish and he doesn’t like to follow rules.”_

_He stops at the door of HQ. “I had an opportunity to kill him when he first acted out and threatened President Rufus Shinra with his sword. But, Ruf--the President said no.” He shakes his head. “Sometimes I wish I had disobeyed direct orders, after the headache that man has given me…”  
_

_Jesus. “Y-yeah?”  
_

_He grips the handle of the sleek glass door. “But he’s loyal. Not to the company, not by a long shot…but to those he’s chosen to care about. So, he toes the line. If something goes wrong…” He looks directly at me. “Well. You’ve already seen.”_

_Yeah, I’ve seen. He skips out on shifts and passes them off to me, so he can go be with Angeal while I fucking can’t. Selfish is right…_

_Tseng holds the door open for me, and I walk in. I’ve got a long, long fucking night ahead of me…_

(Z.) _  
_


	77. #79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 7/22/16

_It's late in the evening when I hear him wailing from next door. I should have expected this. His best friend is dead. One of the only people keeping him afloat is gone. I rush out of my place, leaving the door open, and walk over to his. I knock three times on the door. "Gen."_

"Get the fuck _out of here..." he slurs back. I take a deep breath before I try the handle. Surprisingly, it gives. He's sitting in the middle of the floor with two bottles of booze in front of him, as well as his bowl, although it's not lit. One of the bottles is already empty._

_He won't look up at me. "Gen. Come on."_

_"For _what?!"_ He's crying, and holds his face with both hands, shoulders shaking, shaking. "What the _fuck_...am I supposed to do now?!"_

_That's the question I'm asking myself. What am I supposed to do? It would be nice if he didn't drink himself to death tonight, as he clearly intends to. It's hard watching him. "Even if...I could, I wouldn't...b-be able to join him," he babbles, weaving. "You seen his wings? Big white wings, not black and f-f-fucking broken..."_

_He finally looks up at me, hair matted to his face with wet tears, cheeks blotchy, lips swollen. "Even you...even you..." He reaches a hand out, lazy, and tries to draw outside my shoulder. "Gift from the goddess, one winged angel..."_

_This again. I wonder briefly if he had anything stronger, but I can't see the evidence. I walk over to him and lift him up by the arm. "What, _what?_ What are you doing, just l-leave me h-here...leave me here to rot..."_

_"No." Where are his keys? There, on his storage chest. I drag him with me to grab them, then haul his drunken body out the door, shutting it behind me. I lock both locks and stuff the keys in my outside pocket. He tries to speak again, but he doesn't get anywhere, and just starts crying against my shoulder. I'll have to wash this shirt._

_Back into my place, shut the door, take him to my bed. Although he protested me taking him, he doesn't seem to want to let me go when I put him down. "D-don't, don't, I don't..." He's drunk and he's not making any sense, but I don't know if I can blame him. Angeal was his pillar. Fifteen years he kept him out of trouble. They suffered through Shinra's experimental hell together--and it was Shinra that killed him in the end._

_They created us, and intend to destroy us, for making something too close to gods._

_As much as it burns, there are more immediate matters to deal with. I shake him off. "Just a second," I tell him. I walk into the guest room, to the dresser, and open the top drawer. It's split into three sections--the hellions keep some clothes here, and I slip Gen's keys under Loz's stash. I don't imagine him to get crafty, but I also don't want him to get back at his drugs. Not until he's stable. I don't know how long that will take._

_He's curled in a ball when I get back to the bedroom, and I lay beside him. As soon as he feels my presence, he clings to me. He will have to stay here. I'll keep him sober for the funeral. Angeal was so adamant that I keep an eye on him. "It has to be you," he said. "He doesn't respond to anyone else like he does for you."_

_I already know this._

_I wouldn't do this for anyone. Hell, I wouldn't do it for _him_ half the time, fucking shitty stoner who thinks it’s fun to push my patience every chance he can get..._

_But, as I rest my hand on his head while he starts to calm down, starts to doze, I realize that things are changing, and...well,_

_it _does_ have to be me to take care of him._

_Who else would?_

(S.)


	78. #81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 5/8/16

_Fuck. I still haven’t gone through this box of stuff he left behind for me. I am too sober for this. But, might as well, since I have the day off..._

_His old uniform’s in here. Three photo albums, thick and full. Christ, they must go back to when we were kids. He saved all this stuff. I don’t think...I don’t think I have the stamina to look through those pictures. It was bad enough going to his grave.  
_

_It was bad enough seeing him on that trip...he had wings..._

_I paw through and my hand lands on plastic. Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s that stupid fucking tape. That fucking tape! There are_ three _of those tapes in here! One of them is labeled “MASTER WEED TAPE” and holy shit I am fuming, what an asshole..._

 _Nonetheless, I pull it out and jam it into the player, for some terrible reason. I know what’s on here--he’ll put some funny song at the start, then it just goes into hip hop trash just to taunt me and_ God _I hate it.  
_

_The tape rolls, and there’s silence._

“Hey, Gen.” 

_Oh, fuck. I stop breathing. That’s his voice.  
_

“I know what you’re thinking already. ‘That asshole went and stuck those tapes in with the rest of my things.’ I sure did. Well, now you have the master, so you can finally do whatever you want with them. At least they won’t creep up on you when you least expect it.” 

_“Fuck you,” I say out loud. He keeps talking._

“We’ve been through a hell of a lot, though, haven’t we? Remember when I first caught you high in the orchard, when we were kids? I had to do your homework for you the next day. If I knew this would keep happening, I might’ve stopped you short. But, I don’t think you would’ve listened even if I’d asked.”

 _He sighs, and there’s a pause, tape hiss seeping through._ “Listen. We both knew we were on thin ice after what they did to us. Just turns out I got set free before you did. I finally got those wings you were always going on about when you were stoned. I’m not going to be around to watch your back so closely anymore, so don’t do anything stupid, all right?“ 

_Another pause._

“I mean it.”

_I find myself nodding._

“Keep an eye on Zack and the others while you can. You know it’s only a matter of time, don’t you?” _My eyes wander to the ottoman, the top of it covered in needles and vials. Yeah, I know._ “Well, take it easy. And...

Even though it wasn’t the way you might’ve wanted,

I still loved you, up until the very end.”

_I gasp for air, my eyes watering. No, no Angeal, don’t do this..._

“Thanks for being my friend, Genesis. I’ll see you around.”

_I try to respond to it as the hiss sets in, but I can’t, God damn it, why did you have to go before me? I can hear the familiar thud of bass from the shitty tracks he put on it, but I don’t even have it in me to get up and turn it off.  
_

_“Fuck you,” I stammer, and pound the floor. “When I go, I’m coming right for your heavenly ass...”_

(G.)


	79. #85

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/23/16
> 
> This is non-canon, but if it were, it would fall in the winter of 1997-8.

_[Cold, cold, cold.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAK9Pj5-QXY) It’s cold out today. I’m bundled up in my burgundy fleece, black scarf up to my nose. I’ve walked quite a ways. I’m up above the plate, where they’ve set up a little skating rink. Kids are out with their parents, holding their hands as they wobble on the ice._

_Steam wafts from my nose as I watch. Zack and I fought tonight.  
_

_I get it, I get it. He’s...really strung out, with Angeal’s death. It came so suddenly, and he didn’t tell us until it was…too late. When I ran into him at the church, in a cot like that…what, did he expect me_ not _to tell him? I kept it a secret as long as I could, but…ugh. I couldn’t. Zack still was peeved. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I wanted to keep his word, at least for a little while._

 _He snapped at me tonight, but he was crying. Maybe I shouldn’t have left, but…I’m tired, too. I’m hurting too. We might not have been as close, but I considered Angeal a friend. He_ was _like your brother. But, just because you’re grieving, doesn’t mean you have to yell at me. It’s not...my fault he’s gone.  
_

_Damn it..._

_My boots crunch in the snow right before I test the ice. As soon as my toe touches it, I start to slip, and steady it. I was almost going to stop by the bar to see Tifa, but it’s Friday night, she’s likely busy. Otherwise, she would’ve been at our place. I hold my arms out to the sides as I take a step forward, then another, and another...soon, I’m sliding across the white, frozen surface. It’s a little rush, but my throat’s still burning. He wears his heart on his sleeve so much. I should’ve seen this coming. If he got so upset about Cloud, then this, when someone actually goes..._

_I don’t think he’s slept in a couple days..._

“Aerith!” _  
_

_I spin around the ice so fast that I start to slip. It’s Zack and Cloud, both in their company jackets--black and purple. Zack comes running to catch me--damn, SOLDIER speed counts for something, except he slides us all the way across the rink, nearly toppling over another couple on our way over. “Watch out!” I exclaim, clinging to his hands. His are warm, while mine are red from the cold.  
_

_“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he mutters, sniffling. His nose and cheeks are rosy from the winter chill. He smiles at me, but it’s diluted. “I thought I’d find you up here.”_

_“Did you?” He lets me lead us back across the ice, readjusting our hands so he can lace them together, even with him behind me.  
_

_His head tips down to my shoulder. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he says into my ear. “I...overreacted. Just, this...th-this whole thing--”_

_“I know, hon, I know.”_

_We reach the other side, where Cloud’s waiting for us, hands in his pockets. I wonder if he talked to him about it. The four of us work off each other when things like these happen...it’s helpful for everyone, the checks and balances. Cloud’s come to me when him and Tifa have had a spat...and so it goes.  
_

_I twirl around once my boots feel friction. “You’re going to be okay,” I tell him, I tell those big blue eyes I love so much. “But...you have to be more aware of what you say.”_

_He nods, but adds: “So do you.”_

_I inhale deeply before I hug him around the waist, and we hold each other in the cold night. He’s right, this isn’t all his fault. There are two sides to everything, in a relationship, and they have to work together._

_Well, technically four now, but anyway..._

(A.)


	80. #70 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> Original publish date: 2/7/17
> 
> In-universe time: February 1998.

_Today’s my birthday. And it’s my turn to be spoiled._

_With Tifa down between my legs--_ God, _she does a great job--and Zack at my side, fondling me and kissing my neck, I’m pretty much in heaven. After some arguing, she got first dibs on me, since Zack’s got his own work to do later…_

_Mm, I can’t keep my voice down…so many hands…_

_In the middle of a moan, I spot Cloud, still in his boxer briefs…very red, but ultimately at a loss of what to do. Ah, that’s right, he’s not as forward as I am, and we usually don’t all play together. When we do, it tends to be him getting all the attention. He’s easy to tease and spoil. “You okay?” I ask him._

_“Hm?” He jerks his head up, looking all of us over, then covers his mouth. “Um…yeah, I, ah…j-just a little lost.”_

_“Aw, it’s okay.” I beckon him over but…mm, Zack licks my nipple and I flinch._ “Hnn, _if you wanna…sit this one out, it’s okay--”_

_“N-no!” he protests. “I-it’s your birthday, and you wanted all of us here.”_

_“Really, Cloud…”_

_Just as Tifa pushes another finger into me--that’s two, and mm, I love the pressure, especially with her tongue, oh God…mm, as she does that, Zack rises and scoots over. “Hey, c’mere,” he murmurs.  
_

_His face, while not as pink as Cloud’s, is still flush, and he’s got that husky tone in his voice that sends shivers down my spine. I can’t imagine how Cloud must feel…he crawls over in a trance, and in slow motion, they start to makeout over me…I’m not going to lie, it’s_ really _hot. Zack’s really working his tongue, and Cloud keeps whining…_

_Tifa starts to pick up her pace, and I tense my thighs. What a dream if I can get a couple orgasms in before we move onto heavier things…I still need to get my hands on her, too. I reach down and stroke her hair, around to her face…ah, ah…I could just…just…_

_Zack pulls away from Cloud, a hungry look on his face as he glances between both of us. He’s hard, and a little wet too…he definitely wants to play, and I don’t think he wants to wait anymore. I tap Tifa’s head while he gets off the bed and scurries around to be closer to Cloud. “Baby,” I murmur. “Time to give your neck a rest.”_

_“Hm?” She props herself up on her elbows, face drenched in me. “Ah…okay.” Her gaze flicks briefly over--Zack’s scrambling to get Cloud fully naked. “Right.”_

_I giggle. “You wanna get one of my toys?” I ask. “That way all of us can line up.”_

_“Are you gonna be in the middle?” Zack asks. His voice is muffled as he’s still kissing Cloud. Of course.  
_

_“Oh, yes,” I say. Tifa gets up and rummages through our nightstand, and I pat her butt as she goes. “Hey, just a sec.”_

_She glances down, and I beckon her to come kiss me, kiss me again, just a little bit…I reach over and stroke one of her breasts, tease her, just so I can hear a little bit of her in my mouth…_

_All of them here around me, it’s really the best present I could ask for…_

(A.)


	81. #82, 83 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> Original publish date: 5/2/17

“Oh it was you I heard calling, which voice?  
Well, I know that you are going, which voice?  
Did I force you to remember in the sacred name of [love…”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdGSxtNAchk)

_I love getting lost in him…_

_It’s cold outside, but it’s warm in here, it’s so warm…I’m on his lap, his hands gripping hard on my hips as we grind against each other. He’s whining, and getting erratic--he’s close, and he wants it bad. I try to keep our rhythm steady, because steady is what works, and I know what works for him. God, he’s so hard, and every time he thrusts against me I can’t help but whine too…_

_“Baby, baby…” he breathes, and he dips his head down to my chest. I feel his tongue on my nipple, and I cry out,_ ahhh, ahh _it feels so nice, and my hips twitch, and I tighten around him. I run his hands through his hair, I push his head down on me, keep going, keep going…_

 _But he needs to come up to breathe. I only give him a second, just a second, before I dive on his mouth, and we moan in tandem…I want to devour him, I want every inch of him, as close as I can get…well, there’s no getting closer than this, is there?_ Ahhh…

_“Hon, I…” he huffs, slipping his hands up my back. “I’m gonna put you down…”_

_And despite his thin control, he’s gentle when he eases me, eases me down on my back, he brushes my hair away from my shoulders, out of my eyes…he stares at me with those big blue eyes, sweat running down his forehead…_

_Then, he brings his body down, closer against me, and he starts pounding me again, relentless. I wail, clapping a hand over my mouth,_

_but I use my other to touch myself, matching his speed to catch up to him…_

(A.)

* * *

 

_“God, they’re loud,” she remarks beneath me. “I can hear them over the radio…”_

_“Well, that’s how they do it,” I reply. I know, I’ve listened to them…a lot. I check the condom on me one more time, balancing myself on the couch above her naked body. She’s gorgeous._ “Ah…”

_She nods with a smirk. “I’m ready,” she replies.  
_

_I take a deep breath, and so does she, while I push inside her, gently, slowly. As I go in, she releases her breath in a sigh, one that flutters her eyes and parts her lips. She’s tight, and I don’t want to go too fast, no matter how warm and soft it feels…easy, easy…_

“Ahh, ahhh, _ohhh God,_ please…” _  
_

_I flinch hearing Zack moan from the other room, but by that time, I’m already in as far as I can go, and she’s adjusted. “Okay?” I ask. Just to be sure, I always wanna be sure…_

_She nods._ “Mmm…” _  
_

_I lean down and kiss her neck, while slowly gyrating into her. She’s so much more quiet, but I can hear if I’m close, just like this…she moans and sighs right into my ear, she doesn’t seem to know where to put her hands, so they wander. Over my shoulders, down my sides…they grip my hips for a moment, but go loose the next. Her fingers fidget, and even that sensation is nice…_

_Ahh…_

_“I love you,” I murmur into her collarbone. I sit up, wobbling to keep my balance._

_She nods, with a little smirk. “I love…I love…_ ahh…!” _  
_

_She can’t finish, as I’m running my hands down her chest and stomach, between her breasts, through over her hips. I’ve never tried this before, but…I slip a finger above me, right at her clit, wet as can be, and rub gently. It shocks a yelp out of her, in harmony with the noises from the bedroom…_

_“Zack, Zack, oooh_ fuck, _I’m--!”  
_

_Her eyes flick over into the couch, as if she’s trying to catch what’s going on. Someday we’ll get a bigger bed, a bigger place so that we can all comfortably make love in the same room…someday.  
_

_But today, I catch her eye, and she smiles at me, before I touch her again, and she moans again.  
_

(C.) _  
_


	82. #71 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flash contains sexually explicit content. Reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> Original publish date: 2/11/17

_What a reckless piece of shit. He’s fast, and even though I’m faster, he still almost took my arm off in the practice hall. And he’s got that hungry look in his eyes. That fire, that glow. Makes me wonder if he really wanted to come and fight. Or, if he just wanted an excuse to rile me up._

_“I’m_ done, _Gen.”_

 _“Oh, come on, come_ on.” _His voice is taunting as he spins his sword. And he’s leaning against the storage closet. “Are you_ tired? _Is the great and powerful Sephiroth_ too tired _for another--”_

_I’ve had enough of him. I grab him by the collar of the uniform and yank him up, whipping open the storage closet door. “Shut up!” I hiss, and try to throw him in. “Try” is the operative word, because he clings tight and wraps his legs around me to kill my balance, bringing me in with him._

_The door is weighted. It slams behind us._

_“Fuck,” I mutter. “This is--”_

_But before I can say “just what you wanted”, he grabs me by the back of the head and mashes his lips on mine, chuckling in the back of his throat. Fuck you, fuck you…but…he’s starting to growl as we kiss, and he’s gripping my sides hard…I keep my hand pressed against his throat, holding him up against the door. Not that it stops him. It’s amazing what vigor he has when he’s somewhat sober.  
_

_I’m still pissed, mind you._

_“If this is…” I try to speak through his tongue tangling with mine. “…what you wanted, couldn’t you just…wait until we’re off duty?”_

_“No.” He’s panting, and the close quarters makes it magnified. “You won’t let me fuck you in the shower, and if you wind down, you’re gonna be just pissed enough--”_

_“Oh, my God,” I huff, and cover his mouth. “You’re a fucking nuisance is what you are.”_

_He bites my glove. I can feel him grinning. What I should do is lock this bastard in here, and come get him at the end of the day. A couple hours should cool him off.  
_

_What I do instead is keep his mouth covered, let go of his throat, and dive under his belt and grab him by the cock. His eyes widen, and he staggers. I can hear him sigh in my hand, and he starts to squirm away. What, this isn’t what you wanted? Should’ve thought a little further ahead…his hands drop from me and instead he braces himself against the door. His eyes flutter, and he moans…_

_Fuck._

_I grin and stroke him harder. I enjoy having him under my thumb. If he can get his pleasure from pissing me off, then I can get mine from making him squirm. Shit--he bites me again, and this time he’s struggling against me, trying to reach for me. He does brush against my crotch, and yes, I’m turned on…it startles me just enough to drop my guard for a second, just a split second…_

_But he’s SOLDIER too, he’s the one who trained me years ago, and he lunges forward. Brooms and miscellany clatter behind me as he presses himself right against me. “You can do better than that,” he pants, husky and oddly deep. He starts to grind against me, and he’s back on my lips again before I can make another move…_

(S.)


	83. #88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 1/23/17
> 
> In-universe time: Spring 1998.

_He went into the labs yesterday, and he took the day off today. It makes me uneasy. I took off early to catch up with him. I don’t bother knocking, I unlock his apartment with my own key copy. “Gen?” I call. “Gen…”_

_The first thing I hear is retching, which is always…pleasant. I flinch before making my way to the bathroom, where he’s hovering over the toilet. I can’t even see his face. There’s a bottle of water and a box of saltines beside him--I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat one in his life. The box has probably been sitting there since he moved in._

_At any rate, when he lifts his head up, it’s drenched in sweat, and he nods to me. “Fuck,” he says, coughing and wiping his mouth. “Can’t fuckin’ keep anything down…”_

_There are dark circles under his eyes, and his face looks thin. Unless it’s my imagination. “What did they do to you?” I ask.  
_

_He chuckles and shakes his head. “I got a taste of that vaccine they’re giving out. Side effects are…worse depending on if you have it already. And I’m the furthest along outta all of anyone--_ hrrk--” _  
_

_He tries to throw up again, and I turn away. It’s dry, I can tell, and he coughs and sputters, gripping the toilet seat. “God damn it, can’t have anything for a couple weeks, or at least ‘til this is over…I wish I were tripping…”_

_I sit beside him. “It’s probably better that you don’t,” I say, rubbing his back. “I thought vaccines were meant to prevent viral diseases, not cure them.”_

_“It won’t,” he says. “It’ll make it so I don’t have to keep pumping that mako cocktail…” He raises his arm up, where there are faint track marks leading up to his wrist. “Maybe…gimme a few more years--”_

_“Don’t.” I grab his arm and pull it down to his side, and keep holding it. He weaves where he’s sitting, and retches again. I hate it when he talks like that. Hate it. I know…we don’t have long, in the grand scheme of things. I do not enjoy being reminded of it.  
_

_Ever._

_There are tears streaming down his face when he rises, but it’s from the exertion rather than any emotion. “Drink something,” I mutter, shoving the water bottle at him._

_He only takes small sips, and shakes his head. “I feel like my stomach’s going to come up next,” he mumbles. “This is hell.”_

_It seems like it. It’s painful to watch… “Was it mandatory?” I ask. “I wasn’t called in to get it.”_

_He’s in the middle of a sip of water and chokes a little on it as he laughs. “Of course you weren’t, Seph,” he sputters. “It’s not for you.”_

_I raise an eyebrow. “What?”_

_“Surprised they didn’t make a big fucking deal out of it. You know what the name of the damn thing is?” He pauses, then follows it up. “Sephipheramine. It’s named after you.”_

_I stare at him. “Don’t fuck with me.”_

_“I’m not. You got bloodwork done right after Doctor Fuckface died, and we fucked…so many times before that. At that rate, at that time…you should’ve been dead from HIV because of it. But you’re not.”  
_

_My blank stare intrigues him, and he scoots over closer to me. “You’re fucking immune,” he whispers. “The vaccine was made from your antibodies or whatever. No one fucking told you?”_

_I figured…after Angeal died, and they finally told me the details of what happened…that something like that had to have been the case. My bloodwork was always clean. But, to make a vaccine from me…I’m upset that I wasn’t made aware, that I wasn’t given credit, besides my name, but…_

_…I’ll take that up with them later…_

_Because now, he’s grabbing my shirt. He seems dizzy, but determined to stay upright. “So, you…” he mutters. “You…saved my life.”  
_

_That’s one way to put it. A dramatic way, and not quite right, but…I don’t seem to be in the mood to correct him. Instead, I put a hand on his head, and slowly bring it to my chest.  
_

_I should really make him just stay with me. Instead of these separate apartments…_

(S.)


	84. #89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 10/28/16

_Another rehearsal, done. I’m feeling okay, but Zack looks tired. “Fuck,” he yawns. “I’m glad tomorrow’s Saturday. I’m gonna sleep all weekend.”  
_

_“Yeah, you’re not the only one,” Tifa says, shrugging on her jacket. “Cloud, you still awake?”  
_

_Cloud looks like he’s dozing as well. “Hm? Yeah.” I’ve caught him spending hours in the training room every spare minute he can get. I recommended him for 1st a week or so ago, to ease the burden on Zack and I. Particularly Zack--he’s been trying to fill Angeal’s shoes, with Gen being spotty around base. And he’s suffering for it. Personally, I think Cloud would be a better fit for Angeal’s former role, which is why I pushed the recommendation._

_I believe Zack tried to recommend him months before, but…he was denied. Rumors tend to spread fast here, and apparently he was accused of “playing favorites.” Cloud’s his_ favorite, _all right._

_I feel a hand on my back. “Hey.”_

_I turn, and it’s Genesis. The others already left while I was lost in thought. He lets his hand slide down my back. “What’s up?” he asks._

_I shake my head. “Nothing.”  
_

_I can feel him watching while I put my guitar away. He’s been in a decent mood the last week, and for that, I’m grateful. I can sleep a little better at night knowing he’s not doing anything…stupid, to put it lightly. “So, what are we doing tonight?” he asks. “You wanna go out?”_

_“I hadn’t thought about it,” I reply.  
_

_He snorts. “You as tired as the rest of the band? We can stay at home if you want.”_

_We.  
_

_My gaze flicks up--he’s leaning against his amp, arms crossed, with that shit-eating smirk on his face. Yet, his voice doesn’t have that teasing grate to it. In fact, it almost sounds…soft. The shock of this doesn’t hit me immediately, but goes over in waves, like how it feels when we get high together. “You’re being particularly…” I start, then shake my head as I stand up. “Something.”_

_He raises an eyebrow. “Something?” he repeats. “Particularly_ what?” _  
_

_I scowl at him. “I don’t know what it is.” I don’t know if I like it. Hell, I don’t know_ what _I think of it. It’s odd. He’s never been gentle, or soft. He’s always been reckless, foolish, an absolute ass, ever since the moment I met him. So this is strange. Very weird.  
_

_He pushes himself off the amp and stands right in front of me--the height he has on me indicates he’s standing on his toes. He isn’t a tall man--I discovered this quickly when I found out he wore platform boots as part of his uniform. But, he’s close enough for me to see the gleam in his mako blue eyes. “Is it bad?” he asks, quietly.  
_

_My head tilts. I realize too late he has his hands on my waist. I suppose it isn’t, but…do I want to give him that satisfaction?  
_

_Then again, he told me months ago he wanted to stop playing games with me…_

_In the end, I push him away with one finger on his forehead. “I’ll think about it,” I mumble, before shouldering my guitar case and starting to walk away.  
_

_He’s not far behind, right at my back with a snicker. “Yeah, well, it’s not going to last, prince of darkness, so take what you can get,” he says.  
_

_“Mmhm.” This is all I reply, but when he comes back around to my side, walking flush with our hips bumping...I don’t push him away._

(S.) _  
_


	85. #91

_We come back from work together. “My place or yours?” I ask._

_He sniffs me for a moment. “Mine.”  
_

_So he doesn’t want to smoke, and the last hit I had was at lunch, so I’m presentable for his pristine, weed-free apartment. I’m sure if he paid rent on his place, maybe he’d push to consolidate a little harder, but…I bought them both. Because I’m just so…_

_So…_

_I follow behind him into his place, as he unlocks the door. The smell of shampoo isn’t as pungent as it was this morning, but it’s still there, just fragrant enough. He sighs as we go in, flipping his hair back. “Well, what are we doing for dinner?” he asks. He wanders into the kitchen, but he still has his jacket on.  
_

_“Dunno,” I say.  
_

_He walks out looking disappointed. “I don’t want to cook.”_

_“Neither do I.”_

_“When do you ever cook?”  
_

_“Sometimes.” That’s a lie. I don’t really ever cook. At all. Unless it has weed in it. He knows this. That sneer he’s giving me tells it all. I grin, and he rolls his eyes.  
_

_“Well,” he says, now letting his jacket slide off his shoulders. “We could go out.”_

_I help him with this, standing behind him and stroking his arms as his jacket drops to the floor. “Or, we could order in,” I say._

_He leans his head back, eyes half open. Interesting. “Gen, we need to figure this out before it gets too late,” he mutters. “I’m not joining you in shoving Cheetos in your mouth at midnight when you want to get high later…”_

_“Okay,” I say. I stand on my toes to perch my head on his shoulder, breathing on his neck. “So…what do you want to do?”  
_

_Following Seph’s rules can be a pain. But the fact that he always wants to do things his way makes for amusing situations like these. He’s leaning into me, and his breathing has shifted. Are you in the mood? What do you want more? “I…we should…” he tries to say.  
_

_I kiss his neck and run my hands along his sides behind him, down to his hips. “We should what?” I murmur. “What do you wanna do…”  
_

_“Nn-nn…” He’s getting into it. Nice. Makes me wish I had a buzz going to accompany this, but…I’ll make do. I press behind him harder, grinding against his ass…fuck, now I’m getting a hard-on, too…_

_“Doesn’t matter either way,” I purr into his neck, as his breathing continues to pick up. “Whether you stay and fuck or we go out…it’s a win-win for me~.”_

_Suddenly, he whirls around and jabs me in the stomach, knocking me backwards. “Christ!” he huffs. “You’re a real bastard, you know that?”_

_I wheeze as I catch my breath. “What?!” I exclaim. I glance down at his crotch--he’s starting to show. “What’s wrong with a little sex before dinner--”_

_“It’s going to get late! Asshole!” There’s a flush in his cheeks as he grabs his jacket off the ground. “Come on, get moving! We’re going back out!”  
_

_I hide my snicker as he grabs my wrist to drag me back out the door. Even though my stomach is still aching from that punch, his irritation is always fun to watch. There’s a bunch of different ways to get him to squirm, and they’re all fun.  
_

_So, like I said, a win-win._

(G.)


	86. #92

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 7/24/16
> 
> In-universe time: October 1998.

_[It’s been almost a year, now. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZSobH1wiiM)   
_

_Gen and I sit on the rooftop, high above the city. He’s wearing a red plaid shirt that he stole from my closet--I can tell by the way it hangs on him. He takes a drag from his smoke, then hands it over to me. It’s always a wildcard, whether it’s going to be weed or tobacco, but in this routine, we’re off duty, so I spin the wheel. It’s the latter this time, and I’m relieved.  
_

_“Loz isn’t bad,” he comments. “Did he do drums in school?”_

_“I believe so.” I reply. He was the only one who did school activities, if I remember. It’s been a while now._

_“Sounds like it.” He takes another drag and blows the smoke above his head. “Has more control, more than Tifa did.”  
_

_I nod. Angeal told her that she didn’t have to stay with us, but she stuck around for an impressive amount of time before she decided she was done. I was just getting used to her style, and now I need to adjust to another one. It’s irritating, but..._

_...I’ll have to manage.  
_

_“It’ll be good. We’ll have to record with him soon,” Gen says. “Soon as Zack gets back...”_

_“Mm.”_

_“I heard you passed that onto him.”_

_“That’s right.”_

_He snickers and offers me the cigarette again, and I take it. “Guy’s got a wife and a family now, and you say, ‘this, this is the one I pick to station across the country for six months’.”_

_My lip curls. “I didn’t know you cared.”_

_“Not really.” He tilts his head all the way over on his neck, with that smug grin on his face. “I’m commenting on_ you, _jackass.”_

_I shake my head and roll my eyes. “It was either him or Cloud, and I do not think he is ready for that sort of commitment.”_

_“And Zack is?”  
_

_Who else would there be? Zack has managed being stationed before, he can handle it now. And besides...he isn’t the only one with someone to look after. “He’ll be fine,” I sigh.  
_

_“Really, Seph,” he persists, like he always does. “Don’t you want some more glory on your resume?”_

_I look right at him. “Fine. Do you want to know the reason?”_

_“Of course~.”_

_I hate it when he uses that tone. I hate that he relishes in the frown that I’m making. “It’s because of you, dipshit,” I hiss. “I want to be here in case anything happens.”_

_He snorts, waving his cigarette. “What, you really think I’m going to...”  
_

_His thought trails off, as if he realizes what he’s saying. He’s the one who has a trunk that’s full of drugs and mako, a cupboard full of alcohol, and a chip on his shoulder bigger than I can fathom. He talks more to me now, about some of those things. When he’s sober, even. Imagine..._

_He’s sober a lot more, now. I don’t think he’s any more stable than he was, because he still has days where he has to call out, the photo albums splayed on his lap with a glass of whiskey at his side. So, I’ll call out as well--I’ll sit with him, and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.  
_

_Didn’t_ he _used to do the same...?_

_He flicks the cigarette away, and it falls over the plate--a long, ashy descent. “Whoops,” he mutters. “Didn’t ask if you wanted one last drag.”  
_

_“I can get my own damn cigarettes,” I mutter._

_“But, you’ll still smoke mine.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_I feel his hand on top of mine. “Thanks, though, I guess,” he says. “I can--”_

_“I_ know _...you can.” Take care of yourself. Honestly, it’s a little doubtful, given your track record, Genesis. But, I...am, now. And you keep me grounded, still, like you have for some years. You tease me for being narcissistic, and yet call me an angel in the same breath..._

_You’re impossible..._

_Still..._

_I twist my hand so he can get a better hold on it, fingers wrapped together. He smiles out at the sunset, orange washing over his face. I can feel that he wants to say something, some smart comment...but he doesn’t. And I’m grateful. We’re alone, it’s quiet, and things are fine. In this pocket of time, amidst all the ups and downs..._

_...it’s all right._

(S.)


	87. #90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 9/27/16
> 
> In-universe time: 1999.

_“Learn this song,” he said to me the other day. The album just came out, I had to search everywhere for it. Singles are already on the radio, so everyone’s grabbing for it. I’d be pissed, I wouldn’t even bother, but it’s one of the first times he’s been so adamant about playing something. Let alone since he passed.  
_

_I knock on his door. He opens it nearly immediately. The dark circles under his eyes are a permanent feature of his now. “Yeah?” he says._

_I nod my head back down the hall. “I’ve got that song down you wanted.”_

_He snorts. “You’re going to make me go over there?”_

_“You’re not high, are you?”_

_He sighs heavily. “No.”  
_

_He follows close to me as we go down the hall to my place. My acoustic’s resting on the floor, and even though I don’t need the amp, I sit beside it. He collapses on the floor in front of me. I can see bruises on the insides of his arms, right at the crease of his elbow. He must’ve had another dose today–I didn’t hear him. I usually do…_

_I sigh as I situate my guitar on the crook of my thigh. “Shit,” I mutter, reaching behind me. There’s a stack of CD cases, and I use one hand to sift through them. “I know the chords, but not the lyrics–”_

_“Don’t,” he interrupts. “I’ll do it.”_

_You’ll do it? You normally hate singing. It was a bitch to warm you into doing harmonies when we first got started. You hate the way your voice sounds, “it doesn’t make music”, you’ve told me this before. And yet, you have a handful of occasions where you do sing solo. The songs vary, but the reason stays the same: you have to.  
_

_You have to…_

_I spin the opening riff off my fingers, twisting my hands over the fretboard, up to play the harmonic before coming back down. I watch him carefully. His blue eyes won’t look at my face, but only at my hands, and he starts to weave as soon as I’ve settled the groove. And then, he takes a deep breath…_

“For so long my life’s been sewn up [tight inside your hold,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq6DG-Sm2zU)  
And it leaves me there without a place to call my own.   
I know now what shadows can see,   
There’s no point in running, unless you run with me…”

_His voice has a different quality than usual–it’s gravelly, he’s trying to make it sound that way. It’s probably easy, with all the smoking he does, but it sends a chill down my spine. I can feel every chord that he sings…I wonder if he’ll let it leave this room. It would be worthy to try with Zack and Loz. There are plenty of harmony parts later in the song…_

_I strum a long chord, and he stares at me. Christ._ “Let me introduce you to the end.”

_I kick back into the groove, and his focus wanes, eyes closed and sinking into the chords I play. Genesis. It’s times like these when I remember why I was drawn to you in the first place. Even when I first met you, when I was eighteen and clueless, and you were stoned out of your mind…there was an intensity about you. Many times right on the verge of unraveling out of control.  
_

_Yet you’re still here. Alive._

_He sings at the ceiling…_

“And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings,  
It always leads me back to suffering.  
But, I will soar until the wind whips me down,  
Leaves me beaten on unholy ground again…”

(S.)


	88. #93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader discretion is advised.
> 
> Original publish date: 7/9/17
> 
> In-universe time: 2008.

_Sunday, middle of the afternoon. My eyes cross and haze as I stare at my computer scanning through emails. The Silver Elite fanclub has an email list now, although they are setting something up on another platform. I don’t know if I will follow it there. Oh, hell, I will. I need to know what my adoring fans think of me…_

_I glance behind me. Genesis isn’t here. He must be in his own place. Strange, it’s been ten years, and we still swap between these two apartments instead of consolidating. He won’t give up his dope habit, and I refuse to smell like it on a regular basis. That always tends to be the argument, but…_

_There’s a pounding on the wall next door. Then, a rasping wail. “Seph…_ Seph…!” _  
_

_Shit. I fly from my computer, knocking my chair over, and dart to his apartment. I have no idea if the door was locked, I just ripped it open. And…God. Oh, God._

_He’s hunched over on the floor, beside his beanbag. There are needles everywhere, as well as a bottle of alcohol (I thought he didn’t like scotch), some empty weed bags…hell, his storage chest he’s kept in that corner looks like it’s been ransacked--tipped over, its contents everywhere. He’s shaking. He pulls a needle out of his arm and tosses it, clutching his arm. “Fffuck, fuck,_ fuck--!” _  
_

_“Gen!” I sweep the needles away, gingerly, with one hand, and crouch beside him. I hold him. When he looks at me, my heart sinks. Seeing him day after day, I suppose I didn’t notice him getting thinner. But, his face is so gaunt now, tears streaming down it as he winces in pain. He’s so pale. His fringe has thinned, and it’s matted to his face with sweat. And his eyes…they glow blue, but before my very eyes, they flicker out, the color leaves them and they fade to a honey brown._

_Damn it._

_“What the hell,” I mutter, clutching him. “I thought you didn’t have to do this anymore.”  
_

_“Time’s up,” he croaks, feebly reaching for the storage chest once again. I smack him away, seeing the veins on his hands stand out greenish beneath his skin. “Fuckin’…s-saw it a couple weeks ago…”_

_“A couple weeks? Why the_ fuck _didn’t you tell me?”  
_

_“Listen, I ain’t gonna have you fuckin’ baby me!” he spits. It hurts for him to talk, even though he’s loud, and I can tell by every gasp he takes. “‘S-sides, I didn’t expect it to be this fucking…fast.”  
_

_Fast is right. It is as if he is wasting away in front of my eyes. My mind begins to fog, and in that time, he sticks another needle in himself. Vaguely, my eyes are drawn to the blue liquid draining into his arm. Then, I look to his face. His eyes light up blue once again, but fade out even faster. My head is spinning. I am starting to shake. “You asshole,” I manage to say, my fingers quivering over his body. “You’re going to kill yourself with that much mako.”_

_“Yeah, well,_ good!” _he shouts. Then, he wails, he wails so loud I can feel my soul ache. He sniffles and shudders before continuing, then grabs the collar of my shirt to pull me closer, our foreheads touching. “Good, ‘cause I’d rather have_ me _kill me than those assholes at fuckin’ HQ. They don’t…they’re not gonna take me, they ain’t gonna fuckin’ take me alive…”  
_

_Tears spill from his eyes. He smells like alcohol and something chemical. He definitely is pushing more than just mako, but it’s what comes out the most. My lip curls, and my head screams at me. I had grown so complacent, so fucking complacent…we had time, we had time, we had lulled each other into a false sense of security, and I had forgotten_

_…that he himself said that he didn’t have much longer…_

_“Sephiroth,” he whispers, right into my mouth.  
_

_We kiss. Every once of energy he has is put into it, hell, he even bites my lip. I don’t care that he tastes like booze and bleach and God knows what else. I fool myself into thinking that if I stay like this, if we stay like this…it will keep him here.  
_

_He grips the back of my hair. It wouldn’t be the first time. “D-don’t…d-don’t f-for…get…” There’s fury in his fading eyes; there’s passion, there’s the arrogant, brown-nosing, hot-headed son of a bitch still in those eyes, and I challenge that gaze, just as I did so many years before. “I…l-love…love…y…you…”_

_He grits his teeth, he clutches me harder, and buries his head into the side of my neck. “Don’t say that,” I breathe, denial still cloaking me. “Gen, Gen…Gen, I…”  
_

_He collapses on top me, heavy, heavy, heavy. He isn’t breathing. I gather him completely in my lap and hide my face in his hair. He’s gone. He’s gone. I should have known. But, I didn’t. And now I’m here.  
_

_“I love you, too,” I mutter, far too late._

_I left the door open, and by the time I look up, Reno is there in his pajamas, staring at us. “What the hell happened?” he says, as if he already knows.  
_

_My face is damp, but somehow, my voice is calm when I speak. “Call an ambulance,” I say. “I don’t think there is much that they can do, but…”_

_“Sure.” He rushes back down the hall. He leaves his own door open, because I can hear him make the call.  
_

_I hold him in my arms. I hide my crying in his back. My heart feels as heavy as his dead weight does. I never thought it could.  
_

_Our time was up._

(S.)


	89. #62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original publish date: 11/12/16
> 
> In-universe time: 2010.

_This isn’t my first time training standards, and it won’t be my last. I’ve had a few rounds, so standing in front of all of these…well, most of them are teenagers, anyway--doesn’t seem as intimidating. Hell, I’m a father now, a father of a teen myself, so I’ve learned a routine._

_I’ve earned a reputation around here at Shinra--I was the one who nearly died from mako poisoning, but still kept my own as SOLDIER. Bumped right up to 2nd, and then was able to get a hit on the greatest SOLDIER the company’s ever seen in my rise to 1st. Although unlike him, or Zack, for that matter, the glory isn’t...really what I want. I just wanted…to protect the ones closest to me. To prove that I could be more than what people thought I was back home…_

_I think I did, in the end._

_I take a deep breath and address the milling group of standards, future SOLDIER candidates. “All right, listen up,” I say. They all fall silent. “I’m 1st-class Strife, I’ll be heading your training for the next couple months. Y’all are looking to be SOLDIER, right?”  
_

“Yes, sir!” _they answer in a chorus. I try not to flinch--not just from the sheer volume, but from how I’m being addressed. I don’t…mind being addressed as “he”, but “sir” always has a different ring to it, and I don’t think I’m fond. Shinra’s changed since I first joined, it’s the 21st century…but being out in the military is still a risk, even at my rank.  
_

_Nonetheless, they’re earnest, and that amuses me enough to brush off the discomfort. “Good, good. It’s not going to be a walk in the park--y’all just got a taste for it back in whatever BASIC you did.” I scan the faces in the crowd. They’re all so…young. Did I look that young? Probably not, I was in my 20′s by the time I got here. “But if you just have some perseverance, you’ll--”_

_My eye catches a familiar face.  
_

_The mop of brown hair; the round, blue eyes, chewed lips, light freckles across the nose. Denzel. What is he doing here? I had told him…time and time again, that he should wait, wait to join, if at all. He’s heard the stories, he knows what happened to me, to people we’ve known who’ve been through here…so, why? Who even signed his forms? I’ve been so busy, that I..._

_I realize that I’ve hesitated, and the rest of them are watching me. “A-ah, you’ll be all right,” I finish, lamely and quickly. I sigh and clap my clipboard against my thigh and point behind me. “Go do some laps, everyone.”  
_

_The crowd disperses, and I can tell Denzel’s trying to avoid me, but I muster my sharpest voice. “Standard-class Strife. With me.”  
_

_He freezes, then turns on a heel and comes toward me, head bowed. “S-sir...” he mutters._

_I sigh and smirk. “Look at me, Denzel.”  
_

_He does, still tentative. and I ruffle his hair. It’s something I picked up from Zack, he did it so much to me. But, it relaxes him, I can see it in his shoulders, and that’s what I wanted. “I wish you would’ve let me know,” I say quietly._

_“I-I know,” he stutters. “I just--I really wanted to do this, and I knew you’d just keep saying no--”_

_“So you found someone else who’d say yes?” I interrupt. When you have four parents or guardians around the house, it’s easy to find who’s “good cop” and “bad cop”.  
_

_His ears go red and he ducks his head once again. “Mom said...Mom said I could after I turned 18, so...so I...”  
_

_Ah, Tifa. “It’s all right,” I say. Zack always says to me,_ “he’s just like you, Cloud, you can’t shake him from anything”, _and I think...I think he’s right. “I’m not going to go easy on you, y’know.”_

_Denzel chuckles and scratches the back of his head. “I know, Dad.”  
_

_I glance up--the others are coming around for their second lap, and I pat him on the shoulder. “Go on. We’ll talk later.”_

_He nods, readjusting his uniform scarf around his neck, and jogs over to the rest of his company, disappearing in the crowd. I fish in my belt for my pager--we all have cellphones now, but pagers are among the company only, and it’s a decent holdover. I click through until I see “FAIR” on the readout, then hold it to my lips. “Hey, Zack,” I say. “Looks like there’s another Strife at Shinra now...”_

(C.)


End file.
